Do a lot of women keep in contact with guys they've had sex with in the past?

[NJ123]

I'm just curious about this & if so why do they do it?

[CarrieT]

Okay, I'll bite...

 

I'm one of those women who have had in excess of 300 partners.

 

And, yes, I am sort of FB friends with a handful of them. Bear in mind, I am a published writer so my "friends" list is over 2,000 people and I don't actually TALK to these guys, but will receive birthday greetings from them (and several hundred other people).

 

Last year, when I had a serious health scare, a few of them touched base to make sure I was okay. But they all know I am married and there has been *nothing* remotely sexual mentioned.

 

Does that count as contact?

[NJ123]

Okay, I'll bite...

 

I'm one of those women who have had in excess of 300 partners.

 

And, yes, I am sort of FB friends with a handful of them. Bear in mind, I am a published writer so my "friends" list is over 2,000 people and I don't actually TALK to these guys, but will receive birthday greetings from them (and several hundred other people).

 

Last year, when I had a serious health scare, a few of them touched base to make sure I was okay. But they all know I am married and there has been *nothing* remotely sexual mentioned.

 

Does that count as contact?

 

Well yeah it is contact but in that situation it doesn't seem like anything that would be a cause for concern in a relationship. What would bother me is if a woman was texting some guy/guys regularly knowing they had sex in the past or if she was hanging out with him/them even while in a group. Those would be deal breakers for me personally.

[PrettyEmily77]

1. Because they have managed to keep things platonic and friendly.

2. There are some residual feelings / unresolved issues.

3. They are co-parents.

4. They work together.

5. They have friends in common.

6. Because why not.

 

Incidentally, that's not gender-specific.

[NJ123]

1. Because they have managed to keep things platonic and friendly.

2. There are some residual feelings / unresolved issues.

3. They are co-parents.

4. They work together.

5. They have friends in common.

6. Because why not.

 

Incidentally, that's not gender-specific.

 

Number 2 contradicts number 6 though. If there's residual feelings/unresolved issues than how is that okay if you're in a relationship at that moment? It's completely unfair to the current guy you're seeing which is why so many men have a problem with it.

[ExpatInItaly]

I personally do not, no.

[PrettyEmily77]

Number 2 contradicts number 6 though. If there's residual feelings/unresolved issues than how is that okay if you're in a relationship at that moment? It's completely unfair to the current guy you're seeing which is why so many men have a problem with it.

 

These possible scenarios aren't concommitant so they don't contradict each other. It's one or the others. So I guess the answer is: it depends.

[NJ123]

These possible scenarios aren't concommitant so they don't contradict each other. It's one or the others. So I guess the answer is: it depends.

 

I suppose so but I personally just don't get the reason for why someone would want to still be friends with someone they've slept with. Basically to me it's like if someone wants to hide it from their boyfriend or really doesn't want them to know than it's probably something they shouldn't be doing. Just my own personal opinion though I guess since I wouldn't be okay with it myself.

[preraph]

Hell, I love to just maintain contact with some old ones. I liked them for a reason. Doesn't mean I'll act on anything if there's a good reason why we stopped seeing each other that way. I have had some guys who were just in my circle so I was going to see them anyway and we were all just able to be casual friends, not like going anywhere with them, but friendly acquaintances. Like they might show up to my wake and me theirs.

 

I have one old love I worked with forever after we had dated and broken up. We just had some parallel paths and we have stuff to talk about. I went with him and his wife out this past year once. Then once we went to a show together just us with her blessing.

 

I mean, for women, men aren't just all disposable once we've slept with them. Some of them were something more substantive and in the instances when it worked out on both sides without too much resentment because maybe the relationship petered out or we just both moved on, I mean, why not be friendly and just care enough to keep in touch some.

 

Now I realize some people can't handle this, and when someone's new bf or gf can't handle it, then if you're true friends with them, you step down for as long as their new gf or bf lasts, which won't be long probably if there's lasting distrust, and then once that's over, you get back in touch.

[Gaeta]

No, I am not interested in keeping in touch with men just because we had sex, whether it's one time or several times.

 

I will keep in touch with someone I have develop a friendship and respect for. Someone who brought something to my life like mutual moral support and help.

[CarrieT]

Well yeah it is contact but in that situation it doesn't seem like anything that would be a cause for concern in a relationship. What would bother me is if a woman was texting some guy/guys regularly knowing they had sex in the past or if she was hanging out with him/them even while in a group. Those would be deal breakers for me personally.

 

I suppose every situation is different. There are guys I have had sex with (FWB/NSA) and guys I was actually in relationships with.

 

Now for the latter, with one exception (who is living on the dole in some half-way house), I am still in close contact with most of my Ex's. Granted, we don't text or chat all the time, but we keep tabs on each others' lives and still care about each other.

 

In once instance, when my new husband and I were working to restore a recently-acquired vintage British car, we had one of my ex's from 20-years prior come to dinner to discuss the project. It was no big deal. My new husband has met many of my ex's and is not threatened by any of them whatsoever because there is nothing left of the sexual chemistry, but there is still a shared history and friendship that may exist.

[NJ123]

Hell, I love to just maintain contact with some old ones. I liked them for a reason. Doesn't mean I'll act on anything if there's a good reason why we stopped seeing each other that way. I have had some guys who were just in my circle so I was going to see them anyway and we were all just able to be casual friends, not like going anywhere with them, but friendly acquaintances. Like they might show up to my wake and me theirs.

 

I have one old love I worked with forever after we had dated and broken up. We just had some parallel paths and we have stuff to talk about. I went with him and his wife out this past year once. Then once we went to a show together just us with her blessing.

 

I mean, for women, men aren't just all disposable once we've slept with them. Some of them were something more substantive and in the instances when it worked out on both sides without too much resentment because maybe the relationship petered out or we just both moved on, I mean, why not be friendly and just care enough to keep in touch some.

 

Now I realize some people can't handle this, and when someone's new bf or gf can't handle it, then if you're true friends with them, you step down for as long as their new gf or bf lasts, which won't be long probably if there's lasting distrust, and then once that's over, you get back in touch.

 

The last paragraph is the problem though. If someone isn't okay with it than it will just cause resentment on both sides probably. On the guy/womans side for not agreeing with the other still being friends with the person they've slept with, and than on the other side is probably being upset about being told who they can or can't be friends with. It's probably best to just be with someone that's okay with the situation instead of having to come to some sort of agreement that seems like it'll just cause headaches.

[preraph]

The last paragraph is the problem though. If someone isn't okay with it than it will just cause resentment on both sides probably. On the guy/womans side for not agreeing with the other still being friends with the person they've slept with, and than on the other side is probably being upset about being told who they can or can't be friends with. It's probably best to just be with someone that's okay with the situation instead of having to come to some sort of agreement that seems like it'll just cause headaches.

 

I've known some people who stayed with women for awhile who kept them locked down. But boy, that relationship has to really be stimulating to give up most of your friends for that. I've always noticed once people marry, they often sort of limit their friends to other couples, thinking that's safer, but most of the cheaters I've known have all been married, and cheating with someone else married is the safest way to cheat, they say. You can't beat the system.

 

Truth is all my exes with rare exception knew each other too. Just all part of a big circle of extended acquaintances. I only even had one say anything about another one once, and that's because it was a political situation.

 

Our crowd could easily get the skinny on everyone in our crowd, and there was a lot of cross-pollination and it was a very tangled vine and we all had a great time and learned to just not sweat it.

 

But like one of my exes married a very nuts woman while he and I were working together and she hated ALL women and didn't make any bones about it. So I had to tippy toe around her and just tried to avoid being where she'd be. She'd always cause a scene. Anyway, it was she who cheated on him and broke up their marriage, and got mad when he caught her (via credit card) and gave him a black eye. Charming. Then she proceeded to get knocked up by one of my handsome platonic male friends. I'm sure that was no accident. They were together for a couple decades until she got thrown in prison for identify theft and credit-card fraud, which she did not just on strangers but also on her husband and grown daughter. So I sure hope it was worth it to him losing all his friends on account of staying with her.

[NJ123]

I've known some people who stayed with women for awhile who kept them locked down. But boy, that relationship has to really be stimulating to give up most of your friends for that. I've always noticed once people marry, they often sort of limit their friends to other couples, thinking that's safer, but most of the cheaters I've known have all been married, and cheating with someone else married is the safest way to cheat, they say. You can't beat the system.

 

Truth is all my exes with rare exception knew each other too. Just all part of a big circle of extended acquaintances. I only even had one say anything about another one once, and that's because it was a political situation.

 

Our crowd could easily get the skinny on everyone in our crowd, and there was a lot of cross-pollination and it was a very tangled vine and we all had a great time and learned to just not sweat it.

 

But like one of my exes married a very nuts woman while he and I were working together and she hated ALL women and didn't make any bones about it. So I had to tippy toe around her and just tried to avoid being where she'd be. She'd always cause a scene. Anyway, it was she who cheated on him and broke up their marriage, and got mad when he caught her (via credit card) and gave him a black eye. Charming. Then she proceeded to get knocked up by one of my handsome platonic male friends. I'm sure that was no accident. They were together for a couple decades until she got thrown in prison for identify theft and credit-card fraud, which she did not just on strangers but also on her husband and grown daughter. So I sure hope it was worth it to him losing all his friends on account of staying with her.

 

I'd say a big cause of concern for guys is the cheating aspect of it knowing that if the guy friend was still single he'd likely still sleep with her again if the opportunity arose whether the woman realizes it or not since there would obviously at the very least be physical attraction on his part. But I think a lot of guys just hate the fact that the woman they're with is still friends with someone they gave their body to as corny as that sounds. It's just the fact that every time you see that guy or if she mentions him than it's like you visualize in your head that you know they had intimate moments together even if it was in the past. It's just hard to get around that & as I said if you say anything than you're considered insecure by her most likely or it'll just cause issues in the relationship. I wouldn't ever want to tell a woman who she can or can't be friends with but at the same time I still wouldn't be comfortable with the situation. So for me personally it would be best if I met a woman that didn't associate with anyone they slept with.