current gf or new work girl?!

[splitdownthemiddle]

Hi All, new here. Seems like the right place to be!

 

Long story short, I have been with my partner for just over a year now and everything has been fine. We have had a good relationship however I feel a slight void. I love my girlfriend dearly but she has gained alot of weight and unfortunately that has made me lose some attraction in her. She is a lovely person, good hearted but since the weight gain I have lost interest and I think this is the void. Now some of you will call me shallow or low for thinking such things but I cant tell my emotions what to do, I certainly do feel low because of it.

 

I kept going though to see if I could ride it out and then the new girl started at work. She has been there for 6 months and I am adamant I have extremely strong feelings for this woman. We have similar personalities and make each other laugh and I have realized that she is filling this void I have, however I cant continue my relationship with the girlfriend like this, I feel like I am emotionally cheating.

 

I have a strong urge to end things with the girlfriend (who is perfect in every way except this shallow dislike of mine) and to pursue things with the girl at work. BUT I cannot bear the thought of hurting girlfriend or hurt the girl at work because I know she has feelings for me too.

 

Me and the girlfriend are planning to have a family but this issue has really only reared its head since the girl at work said she wants more from me, not just sex but a relationship too.

 

We are all mid twenties if it helps at all.

 

What would everyone do in my situation?

 

thanks in advance everyone.

Edited September 6, 2016 by splitdownthemiddle
additional info

[stillafool]

So are you already having sex with the girl at work?

 

What would happen if you left your current gf and the girl at work starts to gain weight? What will you do then?

[splitdownthemiddle]

no not having anything physical with this girl at work.

 

My girlfriend has always been a bit bigger than she had liked, which has just got worse. The other girl is naturally skinny but very valid point and not one I can answer to be fair.

 

I am thinking the weight gain issue is an excuse? I dont know.

[stillafool]

Which girl do you like the best? (don't think about the weight part when answering.)

[Satu]

If you can't choose between the two of them, you shouldn't be with either...

[splitdownthemiddle]

Which girl do you like the best? (don't think about the weight part when answering.)

 

I like the work girl, but with that comes a rack of guilt. There is nothing wrong with my gf apart from what appears to be a minor issue with her weight. I constantly do not feel 100% satisfied and I dont know if I will with the new girl... But I am drawn to her like the worlds strongest magnet. Simple quirky things like, a tongue poke, a wink, that random for no reason smile that speaks a 1000 words. These things that I dont feel with my gf.

[stillafool]

You have to break up with your gf. You will not be happy to let the girl at work walk away never knowing what could have been. You will start to resent your current gf if you stay. I know you don't want to hurt her but I don't see this getting better between you and your now gf.

[stillafool]

There are also men out there that like a woman with extra meat on her bones. You gf should be free to find someone who likes her the way she naturally is.

[smackie9]

I vote you breakup with your GF. Even if the girl from work wasn't in the picture, you are obviously unhappy. If you were the weight wouldn't matter. Things will only be worse when she starts popping kids out...it won't be pretty what you see after a few kids.

[ChickiePops]

Tell them about each other and see what they think.

[splitdownthemiddle]

Is this a serious option? I'm not sure my gf would like to know she is being outdone by another girl?

[smudge21]

You don't control who you fall in love with... in the same way you don't control when you fall out of love either. As much as I hate dumpers, it's more in the way they do it than why they do it. I've left people and it's often been because the love has gone for me. I'm not one to live a lie and I don't think anyone should.

 

I can't advise on what you should or shouldn't do here, this is your journey. All I can suggest is that you treat others as you yourself would want to be treated. Should this end with a break up then it will always hurt, but one can at least do it with respect. Should it end with you staying with your girlfriend, then make sure it's definitely what you want. Once the doubts are in place, it's often hard to get rid of them.

[Zahara]

Me and the girlfriend are planning to have a family

 

Family? What's going to happen when her body changes after child bearing -- if you can't accept her the way she is right now, things aren't going to get any better.

 

Best you end the relationship -- maybe it isn't even her body that's the issue. It could be that you've just run your course with her and finding reasons to end it.

[JamesM]

You are comparing apples to oranges. You are comparing your GF who has gained weight with a slim beautiful girl you don't know. You are comparing a girl who puts on her best for work to a girl who wakes up next to you with morning breath.

 

Make your comparison by comparing your GF of a year ago that was slimmer and more what you loved. Compare the two girls on equal ground. Compare your GF when she is dressed to kill and with less weight.

 

Now compare personalities. Again a problem because you don't really know this new girl outside of work.

 

Odds are that if you did a true comparison, then your GF still wins.

 

Too many compare and see that the "grass is greener." Then when they leap, they see oh so many brown spots and realize that what they had was immensely better.

 

Ask yourself why your GF gained weight. Maybe you and your treatment of her has something to do with it. Maybe SHE is depressed with who YOU are. Maybe she sees a guy in her life that she sees as better than you. Maybe she works with a guy who makes her laugh and feel sexy despite her weight.

 

What if she suddenly came to you and said, "It is over?" What if you were the one that had no choice and found yourself on your own?

 

I don't mean to be brutal. We all look outside of our relationship and see great possibilities. Most of the time it is simply because WE are unhappy and we are the problem.

 

Weight is just a number, and love sees much deeper than that. If your love fluctuates with the scale, then your GF needs someone who is more accepting.

[deep_night]

have you talked to your girlfriend about this problem?

since you love her personality and character, maybe it's worth to give it a shot.... she'll have to do something about her weight, and you ll have to support her during! but if you have repeatedly told her and she won't bother, then it's a deadend for you :/

 

im just saying this because you dont know how this new girl acts as a part of a couple. she may be just lovely, i dont know. but what if her personality turns out to be nasty? you dont want to start missing your current girlfriend and regret how something as fixable as her weight gain came between you two!

Edited September 6, 2016 by deep_night
grammar/spelling

[soyou]

If I were your gf, I'd prefer you to say it in front of my face and then **** off.

 

I dont need to be with somebody who is not attracted to me. Either you're all in or you **** off.

[Boo1738]

Something about the content and typing style immediately made me think of that 4x4 guy who couldn't get past a first date.

[stillafool]

You are comparing apples to oranges. You are comparing your GF who has gained weight with a slim beautiful girl you don't know. You are comparing a girl who puts on her best for work to a girl who wakes up next to you with morning breath.

 

Make your comparison by comparing your GF of a year ago that was slimmer and more what you loved. Compare the two girls on equal ground. Compare your GF when she is dressed to kill and with less weight.

 

Now compare personalities. Again a problem because you don't really know this new girl outside of work.

 

Odds are that if you did a true comparison, then your GF still wins.

 

Too many compare and see that the "grass is greener." Then when they leap, they see oh so many brown spots and realize that what they had was immensely better.

 

Ask yourself why your GF gained weight. Maybe you and your treatment of her has something to do with it. Maybe SHE is depressed with who YOU are. Maybe she sees a guy in her life that she sees as better than you. Maybe she works with a guy who makes her laugh and feel sexy despite her weight.

 

What if she suddenly came to you and said, "It is over?" What if you were the one that had no choice and found yourself on your own?

 

I don't mean to be brutal. We all look outside of our relationship and see great possibilities. Most of the time it is simply because WE are unhappy and we are the problem.

 

Weight is just a number, and love sees much deeper than that. If your love fluctuates with the scale, then your GF needs someone who is more accepting.

 

I already asked him to do this (and not include his gfs weight) and he chose the girl at work.