preraph Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 I'm starting to realize that. It's a realization that I did not want, but you're right. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I'll wait to hear from her though before I do anything Devoted Christians like her will never be happy if they can't "save" you. She's not the right one for you. She's probably very intolerant.
Els Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I understand what you mean, but I think they can work out. I also grew up in a religious family. I'm still very spiritual and I value a lot of the teachings of religion, however, I got pulled away from religion for my own reasons. I actually enjoy her religiousness. I've even accompanied her to church a few times. The problem (for me) is when religion starts to govern other parts of her life But if she is a very religious Christian, her religion WILL govern ALL parts of her life. Because it's what she was taught to do. I mean, I'm not saying you should leave her, that's entirely up to you. But you sound surprised that religion is governing 'other parts of her life' - that is also normal and expected of a hardcore Christian. They are taught that religion isn't something they just experience on Sunday during service, it's something that should be in every part of their lives. You can't really have one without the other. And yeah, don't worry about the sex taunts. You two should have sex when both of you decide to, that's nobody else's business but yours. There is certainly more to a LTR than just sex.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Yes, Biblically speaking, the sexual tension/you have become a stumbling block to her and her relationship with God. I understand. I am a "hardcore" Christian as well and I can see exactly where she's coming from. And yes, when you hold such beliefs, God always always always comes first before anyone and anything. This is something you will need to accept. According to the Bible, it warns not to be "unequally yolked" with someone...meaning don't be involved in a relationship/courtship with someone who is a lukewarm or non-believer because they can become stumbling blocks in our faith and relationship with Jesus. Maybe the sermon on Sunday touched upon that... Exactly. It isn't anything she's doing wrong, so you need to either accept her "return" to Jesus or leave the relationship from romantic to platonic. I was part of a fundamentalist christian faith at one time (years ago!) and learned that the most "hardcore" christian is conveniently subjective to what they choose to believe or not to believe. It sounds like you both have agreed to sex after marriage, right? Ask her what's up. Even thinking lustful thoughts is sinful you know.
anonymousbear00101100 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 (edited) I had a 3 year relationship with a girl who was Seventh Day Adventist. As someone who is not religious at all, being in a relationship with someone who is part of a religion that I'd never heard was really hard. Their family did a lot of things I found strange, like going to church on Saturday and eating vegetarian and not watching movies after sundown Friday nights. I rejected it all at first but about a year into the relationship she hit me with the same thing you just got. I started going to church and eating vegetarian (around her... heh) and pretending to be this man of God that I was not. I actually found some of it quite fun. Hell, I still eat vegetarian burgers and sausage to this day. But every few months she would tell me she knew I didn't believe, we'd fight, break up, I'd beg for her back and say I'd try harder, and we'd end up back together. It was this long, awful cycle. Take it from me. Do not try to change her. Her religion is instilled deep down within her, and she wants someone who will help her grow her relationship with God while also growing their relationship. I tried so hard to be something I was not, and post-final-breakup, the thing that was hardest to swallow was that I was no longer myself. Do not change for her, and do not change her for you. Edited September 7, 2016 by rjblak13 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 I had a 3 year relationship with a girl who was Seventh Day Adventist. As someone who is not religious at all, being in a relationship with someone who is part of a religion that I'd never heard was really hard. Their family did a lot of things I found strange, like going to church on Saturday and eating vegetarian and not watching movies after sundown Friday nights. I rejected it all at first but about a year into the relationship she hit me with the same thing you just got. I started going to church and eating vegetarian (around her... heh) and pretending to be this man of God that I was not. I actually found some of it quite fun. Hell, I still eat vegetarian burgers and sausage to this day. But every few months she would tell me she knew I didn't believe, we'd fight, break up, I'd beg for her back and say I'd try harder, and we'd end up back together. It was this long, awful cycle. Take it from me. Do not try to change her. Her religion is instilled deep down within her, and she wants someone who will help her grow her relationship with God while also growing their relationship. I tried so hard to be something I was not, and post-final-breakup, the thing that was hardest to swallow was that I was no longer myself. Do not change for her, and do not change her for you. Curious. Did the two of you have sex? The Seventh Day keep the Sabbath. That's not strange. But I get what you're saying. Anyway, you are absolutely right on! Don't try changing her and yourself to be what you are not....right on whether within a religious context or not! 1
anonymousbear00101100 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Curious. Did the two of you have sex? We had sex just once. Heat of the moment kind of thing. We did do a lot of other sexual things though. She was kind of kinky actually. The Seventh Day keep the Sabbath. That's not strange. But I get what you're saying. Strange wasn't really the right word, but I can't think of it off the top haha. Coming from a background where I had never been to church once and had a bunch of preconceived notions of what church was, I was totally out of my zone. I actually grew to quite like her church and got involved. It changed my views a lot actually. Great experience and it helped open my mind to a lot of things.
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