7675 Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 My GF is very religious and on Sunday, she told me that she feels like our relationship is jeopardizing her relationship with God (something like that). I told her that it feels like she's not completely into 'us' and she said that "I'm not going to lie to you and say that i'm completely in" She also said things like "you mean a lot to me", "I don't want to walk away from 'us'" etc. So she's taking a few days to think things over and all that. She means a lot to me, but what she said cut deep and I'm questioning my relationship with her. I can't be with her if I'm made to feel like I'm just a side guy (with God being her main guy, if you know what I mean). I just feel like her religious views have to much of a hold on her life. She was fine before church on Sunday, then when she came back, she was saying things like "I need to re-evaluate my life" Anyway, I really don't know what to do about all of it... 1
Satu Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 She sounds like she's got one foot in and one foot out. If she can't fully commit to the relationship, it might be best to walk away. Take care. 3
Els Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 It's very normal, even expected, for hardcore Christians to 'put God first, and all else will follow'. It's exhorted by preachers in most denominations and is even in the Bible. This is just a product of who she is, as you said, her religious views. If you aren't into hardcore Christianity as well, chances are this is not the right girl for you. 6
Author 7675 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 It's very normal, even expected, for hardcore Christians to 'put God first, and all else will follow'. It's exhorted by preachers in most denominations and is even in the Bible. This is just a product of who she is, as you said, her religious views. If you aren't into hardcore Christianity as well, chances are this is not the right girl for you. I'm starting to realize that. It's a realization that I did not want, but you're right. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I'll wait to hear from her though before I do anything 1
stillafool Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 Is she having sex with you or waiting for marriage? 1
Author 7675 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 Is she having sex with you or waiting for marriage? Waiting for marriage 1
joseb Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 "I'm not going to lie to you and say that i'm completely in" While I could believe that she might "put god first" this line smacks more of her not being all that into you. Even if she is into you, can you put up with that level of religiosity? I know I couldn't. 5
Author 7675 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 I'm quite sure that she's into me. It was my bday last thursday and I spent the day with her. She baked me nice cupcakes, got me a bottle of wine and a book she knew I'd be in to. She really is an awesome GF and we treat each other very well. But like you said, her devotion to religion is a hurdle, and right now, I'm not sure whether we'll be able to get over it or not I'm not saying she has to be less religious or she has to choose or something like that. I'm just questioning whether it can work out if things stay as they are 1
Els Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 I'm quite sure that she's into me. It was my bday last thursday and I spent the day with her. She baked me nice cupcakes, got me a bottle of wine and a book she knew I'd be in to. She really is an awesome GF and we treat each other very well. But like you said, her devotion to religion is a hurdle, and right now, I'm not sure whether we'll be able to get over it or not I'm not saying she has to be less religious or she has to choose or something like that. I'm just questioning whether it can work out if things stay as they are Having grown up in a church with very religious parents, I can tell you that I know enough to NEVER want to be in a LTR with any very religious person. I just don't think it's something that can work unless you share their zeal to an extent. 4
Author 7675 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 Having grown up in a church with very religious parents, I can tell you that I know enough to NEVER want to be in a LTR with any very religious person. I just don't think it's something that can work unless you share their zeal to an extent. I understand what you mean, but I think they can work out. I also grew up in a religious family. I'm still very spiritual and I value a lot of the teachings of religion, however, I got pulled away from religion for my own reasons. I actually enjoy her religiousness. I've even accompanied her to church a few times. The problem (for me) is when religion starts to govern other parts of her life
leogirl876 Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 "I'm not going to lie to you and say that i'm completely in" While I could believe that she might "put god first" this line smacks more of her not being all that into you. Even if she is into you, can you put up with that level of religiosity? I know I couldn't. I don't think this is the case. For people who are very religious, putting God first is what they do. Maybe you guys don't have the same religious beliefs and that's going to hurt your relationship in the long run. I honestly don't date guys outside my religion anymore because it just complicates things.
Author 7675 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 I don't think this is the case. For people who are very religious, putting God first is what they do. Maybe you guys don't have the same religious beliefs and that's going to hurt your relationship in the long run. I honestly don't date guys outside my religion anymore because it just complicates things. We're both Christian. Or atleast, thats the religion we're both affiliated with.
stillafool Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 Waiting for marriage So if you two aren't having sex then why does she think you are jeopardizing her relationship with God?
Author 7675 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 So if you two aren't having sex then why does she think you are jeopardizing her relationship with God? Because, when we get intimate (making out and all that) I think she gets caught in the moment and actually wants to do it.
vanhalenfan Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 Because, when we get intimate (making out and all that) I think she gets caught in the moment and actually wants to do it. Yes, Biblically speaking, the sexual tension/you have become a stumbling block to her and her relationship with God. I understand. I am a "hardcore" Christian as well and I can see exactly where she's coming from. And yes, when you hold such beliefs, God always always always comes first before anyone and anything. This is something you will need to accept. According to the Bible, it warns not to be "unequally yolked" with someone...meaning don't be involved in a relationship/courtship with someone who is a lukewarm or non-believer because they can become stumbling blocks in our faith and relationship with Jesus. Maybe the sermon on Sunday touched upon that... 2
JoeSmith357-1 Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 I cannot fathom why anyone would be in a sexless relationship in 2016. Religion or not. What exactly are you getting out of this relationship?
Toodaloo Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 My GF is very religious and on Sunday, she told me that she feels like our relationship is jeopardizing her relationship with God (something like that). Anyway, I really don't know what to do about all of it... There is nothing you can do about it. In this country this one is a candidate for a monastery... She is clearly much more religious than you. I personally think you should back away. She needs someone with equal religious fever for a relationship to work. You need someone you feel prioritises you. Those two things just are not going to happen here. 1
Author 7675 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 I cannot fathom why anyone would be in a sexless relationship in 2016. Religion or not. What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? If you really need to ask that question, then I don't think I can answer it for you. I could say there's more to life than sex, but i'm not sure whether you'll buy that 4
JoeSmith357-1 Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 (edited) If you really need to ask that question, then I don't think I can answer it for you. I could say there's more to life than sex, but i'm not sure whether you'll buy that There is more to life than sex. However, long term relationships without sex are pointless if you ask me. And I think most others will agree with me here... May I ask how old you are, how many sexual partners you are, and how long you have gone without sex here??? How long you intend to go without sex... Edited September 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude~T
Author 7675 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 Yes, Biblically speaking, the sexual tension/you have become a stumbling block to her and her relationship with God. I understand. I am a "hardcore" Christian as well and I can see exactly where she's coming from. And yes, when you hold such beliefs, God always always always comes first before anyone and anything. This is something you will need to accept. According to the Bible, it warns not to be "unequally yolked" with someone...meaning don't be involved in a relationship/courtship with someone who is a lukewarm or non-believer because they can become stumbling blocks in our faith and relationship with Jesus. Maybe the sermon on Sunday touched upon that... Yeah, I hear you. She asked me to come over a bit later today, so I'll see how it goes.
joseb Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 If you really need to ask that question, then I don't think I can answer it for you. I could say there's more to life than sex, but i'm not sure whether you'll buy that Oh there definitely is. But a relationship without sex is a friendship. I have many of those. I don't need to be exclusive to anyone for that.
Author 7675 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 (edited) There is more to life than sex. However, long term relationships without sex are pointless if you ask me. And I think most others will agree with me here... May I ask how old you are, how many sexual partners you are, and how long you have gone without sex here??? How long you intend to go without sex... Early 20s. I get you man. I do. And I don't feel like having a debate with you about it. Thats not what I started this thread for. Lets just say you view LTR without sex as pointless, and I don't Edited September 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author 7675 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 Oh there definitely is. But a relationship without sex is a friendship. I have many of those. I don't need to be exclusive to anyone for that. There was this girl that I used to have sex with. We were kinda like FWB. What I had with her was nothing compared to what I have with my GF now though
Toodaloo Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 Early 20s. I get you man. I do. And I don't feel like having a debate with you about it. Thats not what I started this thread for. Lets just say you view LTR without sex as pointless, and I don't I get exactly where you are coming from however you are missing some very fundamental differences between you both in some very basic personal views. I am sorry to say that sex or no sex it doesn't matter. The pair of you will not stand the test of time. Good luck.
snowangel97 Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 As many of the other posters have mentioned, in the Christian faith we are taught to put God before all others- including significant others or spouses. It sounds like she's doing some evaluating of her life and her values and if you are wanting this relationship to go forward, will need to let her work through this and respect her decisions. I will say, ever since I've started working on putting my faith first in my marriage, the relationship has been better! Maybe take a step back and see what you both really want out of this relationship. If you do want to stay together, would you be open to seeing a Christian counselor or pastor to talk about relationship challenges? Just a thought!
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