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Thinking about my ex after nearly two years of being broken up...

heythisismyusername

By heythisismyusername
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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heythisismyusername New Member

heythisismyusername

Posted
Posted

It's been nearly two years since my ex-boyfriend (who I had been with for 6 years at the time) dumped me in a really, really cruel way.

 

He is now married to the girl he had been cheating on me with for months before breaking up with me (I found out about the cheating after the break-up) and by all accounts is really happy, I guess.

 

Meanwhile, I still have yet to find someone special. I've tried online dating and meeting people the old-fashioned way.... and while I've had a few casual flings here and there, there's been nothing long-term and committed, which is what I want. It doesn't help that all my friends seem to be happily in long-term relationships or engaged or married at the moment.

 

I'm starting to wonder if I'm just not meant to find that special someone; not meant to get married ever.

 

It's really starting to scare me that the happiest and most comfortable I've ever been with a guy was when I was with my ex.... but obviously, he turned out to be a huge jerk.

 

I am not used to this whole dating thing and I just didn't think it would be so hard to meet the right person, I guess. Everyone else I know seems to have no problem finding that special person.

 

I don't want my ex-boyfriend back at all, ever, but it sort of rubs salt in the would knowing he is married and happy with the girl he cheated on me with. And I still haven't found anyone at all.

 

Am I destined to be alone forever? I'm only in my mid twenties so I'm still pretty young but it seems every guy I meet is only interested in something short term or casual. Which is not what I want.

 

It's pretty depressing to think about.

  • Like 1
juniorrocha Established Member

juniorrocha

Posted
Posted

Hey you,

 

Well. It's clear you're not missing your ex or anything to do with him, you're just missing having someone special in your life. But like you already know: you're too young! I mean, you're not even 30. There's so much to live.

 

Instead of focusing on having a long-term relationship, focus on accomplishing things for yourself. I know it's easier said than done, and I was just like you when I met my ex, but once I got out of the relationship I focused entirely on myself and even though there's this part of me that wants a special someone in my life again, I feel so fulfilled with my activities that dating is only happening if it does happen.

 

I'm sure you're a nice girl and eventually you'll find someone to be with. But find love within yourself and you'll realize how other people in your life will always be a plus, not a must.

 

You'll be fine, keep it going. You still have a lot to live, and you'll be thankful when the right one show up. It happens when you least expect it to.

  • Like 1
Alamo657 Established Member

Alamo657

Posted
Posted

Am I destined to be alone forever? I'm only in my mid twenties so I'm still pretty young but it seems every guy I meet is only interested in something short term or casual. Which is not what I want.

 

.

I don't know what kind of men you've been meeting, but when a relationship begins, it's normal not to "plan for the long term", rather you enjoy the moment and check for compatibilities. long term commitment might comes after.

 

If you're looking for a guy who longs for long term commitment from day 1, date a christian.

  • Like 1
AT15 Established Member

AT15

Posted
Posted

In your mid 20s? If i could do it all over again... I was in one of those long terms that turned into marriage and I do regret not being single during my 20s.

 

I wanted to go to Costa Rica and learn to surf ( my Ex husband didn't like the idea)

 

I wanted to buy a apartment in NYC (he dragged his feet)

 

I should have been exploring the world at your age, but instead i was committed to a relationship. Now, at 37, I am planning to do all those things that i wanted to do 10 years ago. Don't waste your youth.

 

as my friends tell me on a regular basis: "D$cks are not a rare commodity. They aren't going anywhere, any time soon."

 

As for your EX, I know that can be bothersome. Ive experienced that too, the best thing for yourself is to never look that away again. He's dead.

  • Like 4
aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

Posted
Posted

 

He is now married to the girl he had been cheating on me with for months before breaking up with me (I found out about the cheating after the break-up) and by all accounts is really happy, I guess.

 

Be glad you didn't get stuck with him. Most guys who cheat, continue to do it through their lives. Imagine having 2.5 kids w/him and he pulls this cheating BS and leaves? Honestly, it sounds like you were with him from your teens through early 20's. You didn't need to settle down and marry him. You needed to do what you're doing now. Date many other people. Have more R/S's. Learn what types of guys your compatible with.

 

 

Meanwhile, I still have yet to find someone special. I've tried online dating and meeting people the old-fashioned way.... and while I've had a few casual flings here and there, there's been nothing long-term and committed, which is what I want. It doesn't help that all my friends seem to be happily in long-term relationships or engaged or married at the moment.

 

 

Stop comparing yourself to other hun. You don't know that everyone you know who's in a commited R/S at your age is super happy. Why be in a rush to find a LT commited R/S? As it was mentioned, enjoy the ride of your youth. You have decades ahead of you to be married with kids.

 

Am I destined to be alone forever? I'm only in my mid twenties so I'm still pretty young but it seems every guy I meet is only interested in something short term or casual. Which is not what I want.

 

It's pretty depressing to think about.

 

Again, you're putting WAY too much pressure and importance on this. Of course you're not going to be alone forever. As mentioned, most folks in their mid 20's aren't dating w/the mindset of finding their life partner. If they run into "the one" then yes, it can lead down that road.

 

My soon to be step-daughters friends are all getting married. They are 21-22. Us "older" folks simply look at that in horror. Why? The divorce rate is over 50% and is even higher for people that marry that young. You need to be out having fun, building a career, dating, having R/S's. I know its hard to hear but, you don't want to be in your late 30's or 40's, wondering what happened to your youth and wondering why you didn't take advantage of it.

  • Like 3
ManyDissapoint Established Member

ManyDissapoint

Posted
Posted

Gonna disagree with the other posters. The best time to find your ideal match is in your 20s. Don't squander your youth. That doesn't mean you cant live your life. There are plenty of men who prefer relationships over flings. The high quality men won't jump right in though. You can meet them aboit anywhere. If you want to lay low, work and hope he finds you that's okay too. Nothing wrong with orienting yourself around relationships and family. That's why we all walk the planet.

  • Like 1
greenly24 Member

greenly24

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry you're feeling down about all this. It really is a hard spot to be in. And while it's difficult to not compare yourself to others around you, try not to. But believe me, it's easier said than done and I'm in the boat right along with you. I try to remind myself that even though there are a lot of posts on social media of people getting married, engaged, etc., there's still a lot of people who aren't and they're likely feeling the same way me and you are. And even though your relationships now don't seem to be meant for the long-term, I'm sure you're learning more about what you want in a spouse and how you want to be treated. It sounds like you already learned some of that from your ex. I'm sure there's a great guy out there for you, it may just take awhile for him to come along.

  • Like 1
Alamo657 Established Member

Alamo657

Posted
Posted
Gonna disagree with the other posters. The best time to find your ideal match is in your 20s. Don't squander your youth. That doesn't mean you cant live your life. There are plenty of men who prefer relationships over flings. The high quality men won't jump right in though. You can meet them aboit anywhere. If you want to lay low, work and hope he finds you that's okay too. Nothing wrong with orienting yourself around relationships and family. That's why we all walk the planet.

I agree in some respect. In your 20 you don't have as much emotional baggage and disappointment as in your 30 if you're unlucky in love, so you're in a better spot to build a long lasting relationship during that period.

 

It's harder to connect to connect romantically with people in my 30 after a few huge disappointments, i was more emotionally free in my 20.

marky00 Established Member

marky00

Posted
Posted

Well, I don't know.

 

 

I had 3 LTRs with girls in their 20s.

 

 

The big problem I noticed was that the girls in their 20s have so many agendas, they themselves don't even know what direction they want to go.

 

 

They tend to be very career focused etc.

 

 

I agree that a relationship in your 20s may be more "true". But, so much harder to work in the long-run.

 

 

In your 30's people don't take as much crap etc and although the relationship may be a little less pure, I think these relationships are far more likely to succeed.

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