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Can't believe not contacting me!

LB2016

By LB2016
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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LB2016 Established Member

LB2016

Posted
Posted

So I was dating this guy for about 2 months. I had always been suspicious that he wasn't "free" and single and that he was still involved with a woman from his past. But because I REALLY liked him and doubted myself, I decided to just sit back and ride through it.

 

Well, this weekend he told me he was going away with some friends from college for a football weekend. I called him at 11:30pm on Friday night to find out he BLOCKED MY CALL!!!!!!! The call didn't even ring at all- it went right to a personalized (computerized) message telling me "John" wasn't available. I was floored!!! I didn't freak out and and turn psycho bitch but did leave a bit of a wise ass message. Since then, he has NOT attempted to contact me at all and I am just amazed! I know it's only been 2 months, but I DID think he was into me.

 

I'm just trying to figure out WHY he wouldn't even have the decency to call or text me and say "listen, sorry about all this and good luck" or SOMETHING!!! I'm just looking for some reasoning for closure. I know it's a done deal but it's still upsetting to me that THIS is how he's being and can't believe that this is it...like- poof! You're out of my life...really???:(

  • Like 1
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

So, he's someone that you felt had another woman in his life yet you went forward. Not sure why after that kind of behavior you'd expect him to have respect for you and the integrity to be honest and forward.

  • Like 4
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
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If he said he was going away with his friends on a football weekend why are you calling him? And, getting angry because he isn't contacting you, leaving wise ass messages? You sound controlling and I imagine he doesn't like that.

  • Like 5
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LB2016 Established Member

LB2016

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Yes, I suspected it but he REPEATEDLY told me even since day ONE that he wasn't dating anybody else.

 

As for controlling- not how I was or have been at all. He never confirmed he was going...it was up in the air last I spoke to him and I called him bc I was out at a place with my friend where he hangs out sometimes. And truthfully, I DID call him to see what the hell would happen...would he answer? "could" he talk or not bc he had someone else there. Come to find out- my call was BLOCKED anyway!

  • Like 1
JewelD Established Member

JewelD

Posted
Posted
Yes, I suspected it but he REPEATEDLY told me even since day ONE that he wasn't dating anybody else.

 

As for controlling- not how I was or have been at all. He never confirmed he was going...it was up in the air last I spoke to him and I called him bc I was out at a place with my friend where he hangs out sometimes. And truthfully, I DID call him to see what the hell would happen...would he answer? "could" he talk or not bc he had someone else there. Come to find out- my call was BLOCKED anyway!

 

If your voicemail was anything like the way you're expressing in your posts, you probably did come off as a little nutty.

 

If you don't trust him, you shouldn't have been with him. That was the first mistake.

 

The second mistake was calling him at 11:30pm on a Friday when he said he was going out with friends. You are not a member of SVU, you don't have to do all that detective work. Especially after 2 months. You know what's going on.

 

and how do you really know he blocked you? Is it possible his phone died or was turned off? Because that would send your call straight to voicemail too. and leaving a 'wise ass' voicemail. Nobody wants to hear all that mess when they're trying to enjoy their weekend.

 

I'm not surprised he didn't call you back, it's only been two months and you're acting like you've known him for years. If he's upsetting you that much this early on, why bother?

 

You don't go full-crazy on a dude until at least 6 months to a year in. At 2 months, he clearly was not that invested in you and that's why he's not chasing you down to 'apologize'. I'm not sure what you wanted him to apologize for exactly though.

 

Unless you're leaving out some crucial details, I think you played a big role in the demise of this relationship.

  • Like 3
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
Yes, I suspected it but he REPEATEDLY told me even since day ONE that he wasn't dating anybody else.

 

As for controlling- not how I was or have been at all. He never confirmed he was going...it was up in the air last I spoke to him and I called him bc I was out at a place with my friend where he hangs out sometimes. And truthfully, I DID call him to see what the hell would happen...would he answer? "could" he talk or not bc he had someone else there. Come to find out- my call was BLOCKED anyway!

 

People will tell you whatever you want to hear. There were signs. You chose words over actions. Your gut/instincts were screaming. Usually it's a good time to listen.

  • Like 3
Lansing Established Member

Lansing

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Sounds like you overreacted in my opinion. There are all kinds of weird voicemail systems out there. Maybe because he is out of town he is on a different network. Your message was probably a turn off. I don't think most "blocked" calls end up in VM...

  • Like 3
Satu Established Member

Satu

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2 months = you don't even really know this guy.

 

 

It's not worth the upset.

 

 

Take care.

  • Like 1
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LB2016 Established Member

LB2016

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If anyone IS interested- here is a bit of background:

 

I met him on Tinder. He and I are both divorced. He told me he had an emotional affair in his marriage and that was part of the reason for the divorce. I didn't judge him for it bc everyone makes bad choices and he knows he did wrong.

 

He's been pretty shady the whole time. First of all, we HARDLY talked on the phone. We mostly talked via text. For a few weekends, we would have a few text exchanges and then come like 3pm on Friday, I wouldn't hear from him at all the rest of the night until the next morning. That exchange would then be brief too. Also keep in mind, when we'd leave off our conversations on Friday sometimes, he would say he's going to call me or text me later and wouldn't. The same things would happen on Saturday.

 

One night I was over and I noticed him keeping his cell on top of the fridge. When I asked him about it, he said he did it to be respectful and so there were no distractions. I also noticed he had an "In Style" magazine on his coffee table, with a woman's name on the label. When I asked him if he read In Style a lot, he said he did and that one of his co-workers gives them to him so he can get ideas for his house. When I went back on Thursday, the magazine was gone. He also had a some reality wedding show on his DVR.

 

When I dove into the history of him and this co-worker he told me she IS in fact the woman he had the emotional affair with during his marriage but they aren't together like that. Also they don't talk nearly as much as they used to. When I was there this past Thursday night, she called at 10:45pm but he didn't answer. I only know it was her bc YES- I checked his phone when he went to the bathroom.

 

That's the shadiness which sure- maybe HAS led me to this point of having to investigate, etc.

  • Like 1
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LB2016 Established Member

LB2016

Posted
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Sounds like you overreacted in my opinion. There are all kinds of weird voicemail systems out there. Maybe because he is out of town he is on a different network. Your message was probably a turn off. I don't think most "blocked" calls end up in VM...

 

It basically was an answering service. It said my name (like it was caller ID) and that he wasn't available.

  • Like 1
Satu Established Member

Satu

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Posted

You do realise that you weren't actually in a relationship with this guy, don't you?

 

If not, why not?

 

 

Take care.

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LB2016 Established Member

LB2016

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I'm not exactly sure what you mean about the why not part. And I know we weren't in a relationship, but we were having sex. I think that's what made this all much more intense.

  • Like 1
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted
I'm not exactly sure what you mean about the why not part. And I know we weren't in a relationship, but we were having sex. I think that's what made this all much more intense.

 

The "why not" part was because you're behaving like someone who was betrayed by a committed, long time life partner; not some guy you just went to bed with a few times.

 

You don't even know this guy in any real sense.

 

Try to get a sense of proportion.

 

 

Take care.

  • Like 3
aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

Posted
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I would of ran had you done that to me at two months? Really? You sure seem OVERLY invested emotionally in a limited 2 month R/S with a guy that you felt had all kinds of red flags.. It's also odd that you'd call him when he said he was off w/his buddies for the weekend?

 

I'm really not trying to be harsh but you're coming across awfully over the top for such a short time of knowing a guy.

 

This one didn't work out and I think you have lots of things to learn from it.

  • Like 2
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
If anyone IS interested- here is a bit of background:

 

I met him on Tinder. He and I are both divorced. He told me he had an emotional affair in his marriage and that was part of the reason for the divorce. I didn't judge him for it bc everyone makes bad choices and he knows he did wrong.

 

He's been pretty shady the whole time. First of all, we HARDLY talked on the phone. We mostly talked via text. For a few weekends, we would have a few text exchanges and then come like 3pm on Friday, I wouldn't hear from him at all the rest of the night until the next morning. That exchange would then be brief too. Also keep in mind, when we'd leave off our conversations on Friday sometimes, he would say he's going to call me or text me later and wouldn't. The same things would happen on Saturday.

 

One night I was over and I noticed him keeping his cell on top of the fridge. When I asked him about it, he said he did it to be respectful and so there were no distractions. I also noticed he had an "In Style" magazine on his coffee table, with a woman's name on the label. When I asked him if he read In Style a lot, he said he did and that one of his co-workers gives them to him so he can get ideas for his house. When I went back on Thursday, the magazine was gone. He also had a some reality wedding show on his DVR.

 

When I dove into the history of him and this co-worker he told me she IS in fact the woman he had the emotional affair with during his marriage but they aren't together like that. Also they don't talk nearly as much as they used to. When I was there this past Thursday night, she called at 10:45pm but he didn't answer. I only know it was her bc YES- I checked his phone when he went to the bathroom.

 

That's the shadiness which sure- maybe HAS led me to this point of having to investigate, etc.

 

If you know all of this why haven't you dumped him? He clearly is seeing the OW and red flags were flying every where. He has very low interest in you and this is why he isn't getting back to you.

  • Like 1
JewelD Established Member

JewelD

Posted
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You posted abt this before. Everybody said he was shady and that you should drop him but you didn't. If you have suspected him of cheating this whole time, I can't imagine the relationship was pleasant for either one of you. Move on.

  • Like 3
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Posted

I read your other thread. I'm not sure why you're surprised by his behavior. Best to focus on why you put up with that sort of crap versus boggling your mind over what's expected from someone like him.

  • Like 4
Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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How long have you been divorced? How long were you divorced? What were the circumstances of your divorce? He's definitely shady, but I'm seeing some red flags in your behavior, too.

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LB2016 Established Member

LB2016

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I appreciate everyone's feedback and agree with a lot of it. I also think I was too intense in too little time, and also know that he's shady but yet still continue to accept it which is my own fault.

 

Blanco- I've been divorced for one year. The circumstances had nothing to do with dishonesty or shadiness. It just didn't work out with the 2 of us being together. What red flags do you see? I'm curious.

  • Like 1
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
Posted
I'm just trying to figure out WHY he wouldn't even have the decency to call or text me and say "listen, sorry about all this and good luck" or SOMETHING!!! I'm just looking for some reasoning for closure. I know it's a done deal but it's still upsetting to me that THIS is how he's being and can't believe that this is it...like- poof! You're out of my life...really???:(

 

Because he is a pussy and doesn't want to admit to his short comings...

 

Just be glad it was only a couple of months you wasted.

 

Time to quit thinking about it and move on.

  • Like 1
Survivor12 Established Member

Survivor12

Posted
Posted

In your other post, you said that you broke it off with him in the middle of August so why are you surprised now that your calls are blocked? Even more curious is why you are still "investigating" (calling to see what would happen)?

 

How many times have you contacted him since you ended it?

 

"Last week was his birthday and we were suppose to go out to dinner the following day. When he pulled the SAME nonsense of disappearing for the whole rest of the night after we spoke at 3pm on his birthday and he really didn't have "any plans" and he was suppose to CALL ME AGAIN!, I texted him the next day and said I had to cancel. He called me later to ask to make plans for the weekend and I told him it wasn't a good idea. And that's when it ended. He insists he's not dating anyone else but something is not sitting right with me. I told him I feel like he's not being honest with me. He said he hopes I find what I'm looking for and that I deserved the best. I wished him well."

  • Like 2
bighearted Member

bighearted

Posted
Posted (edited)
I called him at 11:30pm on Friday night to find out he BLOCKED MY CALL!!!!!!! The call didn't even ring at all- it went right to a personalized (computerized) message telling me "John" wasn't available. I was floored!!! I didn't freak out and and turn psycho bitch but did leave a bit of a wise ass message.

 

You do realize that when a phone is dead, it doesn't ring and goes straight to voicemail, right?

 

He probably plugged his phone in and listened to your message and thought you were crazy.

 

Either way, you should forget the guy.

Edited by bighearted
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