Forever Searching Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Hello everyone. I am in need of advice if that is possible. It seems that the guy I am dating for about two months and I are hitting a rough patch lately. It's all my fault for the most part. I've done some things that he hasn't approved of and somehting that resulted from some misscommunication on both of our ends. I've apologized, he apolagized and we've talked everything over last night, but I feel him starting to pull away slightly and I understand that is to be expected. I found myself also pulling away a little and he told me he has noticed this. I don't know what to do, he doesn't know what to do. We are both afraid of getting hurt and don't wan to get seriously involved for that reason. He's coming over tonight to hang out but I'm just feeling so down because I think I would like to continue to date a little longer to see if these rough patches iron out but I don't want him to go into lock down defense mode which is where I think he is heading. I'm trying very hard to not be needy and I've had very limited contact with him the past few days. I have no problem as I said giving him some space, but I just want us to give everything a fair shot without any games being played. So, do I just sit back and let everything run it's course?
LonelySoul Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 You can't expect to sit back and let life..your life just pass you by. Relationships take work and a lot of communication. If you don't communicate your fears or doubts it's not going to get better. In order to fix a problem you have to address it. Pushing away from each other sounds like an easy way out..You both don't want to get hurt then don't hurt each other by pulling aways...get closer and talk...it's the only way.
Author Forever Searching Posted July 5, 2005 Author Posted July 5, 2005 In order to fix a problem you have to address it. Pushing away from each other sounds like an easy way out..You both don't want to get hurt then don't hurt each other by pulling aways...get closer and talk...it's the only way. That's what I want to do but I feel like that may push him away. I want to ask him tonight not to pull away but I can't force him not to if he's having doubts and if he's having doubts the only thing I can do is give him some space to think, right? I just don't want to scare him to high heavens.
lvgrl Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 I think you should suprise him..Do something thats going to melt his heart and remind him why he is with you, and why he cares for you the way he does.. Make him dinner, make him a cute card, curl up on the couch and watch a movie. Do something that effort and time was put into, not money or going out. Do something from the heart. And maybe in the card tell him what he means to you, or what it is that makes you so fond of him. Make him want you. Just an idea....
Author Forever Searching Posted July 5, 2005 Author Posted July 5, 2005 I just don't want to look needy. I'm afraid if I look needy then he'll think I'm out to strap him down. We both have commitment issues.
Author Forever Searching Posted July 5, 2005 Author Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by lvgrl I think you should suprise him..Do something thats going to melt his heart and remind him why he is with you, and why he cares for you the way he does.. Well, maybe I can pick up a cheesecake after work. That way it doesn't look to much like I'm trying to win him over.
LonelySoul Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 You need to be yourself and thing of how you want to address this relationship...Don't be afraid to speak your mind...it's better to say something and fix it then stay quite and get hurt.
lvgrl Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Not at all would you be looking needy. You are going to have to meet in the middle with this somewhere. You cant turn down every idea that is brought to the table. It would be in your best interest to try to save it if you feel as if it might be heading for a breakup. And hun, if you give it your all and you try everything you can without making yourself look like you are needy, or trying to win him over blah blah blah and it still doesnt work out, then its not you. When you put your all into something and it doesnt come out the way you want it to, at least YOU can say that YOU tried to keep it going. You will think of something, your a woman..We arent as clueless as we may seem.
Author Forever Searching Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 He came over and things were a little akward at first but I didn't want to push it so I just let him be offstandish. Then HE kind of warmed up and we snuggled for a bit. We didn't really talk about the relationship. It felt like we should just enjoy each other's company with no drama. The only thing that bothered me was that he kept checking the time, like say ever half hour or so. He's been working over 50 hours a week lately and I know he's stressed and run down. He usually stays the night, but I really wasn't expecting him to last night anyway. So he left about 9:45 with a few kisses and said he'd call me today or if I couldn't sleep to call him that night? WTF? If you are tired and going home to bed, why would I call and try to talk to you? So, I didn't call him last night even though I wanted to. I'm not sure what to think. He is so very hard to talk to about relationship issues and I don't like to be the girl that has to always be reassured about how things stand. I guess my next plan of action is to see if he contacts me today through any text msgs. He used to send me msgs all the time throughout the day. When he calls today and asks me what I'm doing tonight I was thinking of telling him I'm going to go hang out with my old roomate for a bit. Let him wonder for a change why I'm too busy to see him or would rather not see him, right?! Should I bring up that I felt like he kept checking the time last night like he couldn't wait to leave so I thought I would spend my time in better company tonight or should I just let it go? I'm sure I may be reading too much into things and analyzing too closely because I feel insecure right now but I refuse to be taken advantage of. I've played the needy girl too many times!! Any clarity form anyone?
lvgrl Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Yeah seeming busy might make him wonder about why you now are busy, but... I think that might be treding on ice. Since he seems pushed away, that might push him further. I would just ride it out for a bit and see whats going to happen, and then if nothing does change then I would call him and say " Hey I just wanted to call and let you know I wont be home tonight incase you stopped by or something." Then that way YOU are taking contol over the situation and letting him know that now your calling the shots.. See, the longer that you sit around and wait on him to call or txt or come by or whatever, thats letting him know that he can blow you off or not make time for you and its okay, because your still there waiting.. But yeah I would play it off for a couple of days just to see what hes going to do, and if nothing changes then have at it. Just dont make yourself look as if you are waiting for his every move, cause guys notice that and use it..
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