high on "hopium" and circling the drain

[AT15]

I've been circling the drain so to speak with my ex.

 

A year ago my Ex broke up with me.

 

The entire year after this break up I was not a priority. He was mean at times, loving other times.He yo-yo'd me, ghosted me, talked s@@t to me, basically treated me like trash. I accepted the horrible treatment. Everytime he returned I opened the door. When I stepped away, he would pull me back in.

 

He moved out of state a month ago.We have been in contact the entire time through text. The terrible thing? I have his account password to facebook and Instagram (i know it's not right). So all the while he has been sending me messages of "I love you, I miss you, please come and visit me" I then read the facebook messages and Instagram messages to other women as well.

 

He's a lover of attention and a chaser. He has pushed me aside to spend time with random women so many times. Its been 6 weeks of reading his messages. And in short he is a manipulative dirt bag.

 

Recently I told him I was not going to visit him in his home state,( i read one of the messages he sent to a woman, a nurse who was taking care of his mother, who i met during a visit...it hurt my heart.)

 

i just need to talk and vent. i KNOW no contact is the answer. But, I just am high on "hopium", i always think he is going to change, but im always disappointed. i hate that i love him. I wish he was a loving person towards me like before. i explained to him, ive been his fwb on and off for a year, all by his control. When he feels like seeing me. im usually not this kind of girl. I model, won a few beauty pageants, run my own business, but my self-esteem is at a low. i need to lift myself out of this. But my faith in my self in my worth is all skewed. i need wisdom. thank you.

[marky00]

I hear you.

 

 

I felt my love from my ex for maybe 7 years. I got some personal issues, got stressed, she broke it off in 2013. We got back together till 2015 but to be honest her heart hasn't really been in it since 2013.

 

 

I know exactly what you mean about them changing. I felt like a guy coming out of prison and she was just sort of different.

 

 

Its weird but, at times you see glimpses of what made you love them but the now they have no problem being angry at you or showing you their less attractive sides.

 

 

In my case I chased because when she left I wasn't being myself (personal issues). That was my justification.

 

 

You probably had your reasons for hanging around as well. Maybe you felt you could have done better whilst in the relationship.

 

 

Look, at this point he doesn't respect you. You do need to take some power back. And yes, No contact is great start. Don't do it to get a reaction from him because I don't think he will react (at least not for a while). Go no contact for yourself so you can take a break and feel a little better. It still hurts when in No Contact but you wont be getting the additional pain of being treated like crap which is just the worst. I never really understand how that works. Like they say they want FWB but they treat you like your 3 rungs below friends level, its not nice at all.

[LD1990]

You don't need wisdom. You know what the right move is here, you just need to find the inner strength to do it and follow through with it.

 

He isn't going to change. He has been playing you for a year since breaking up with you. Block him anywhere he could contact you and stop checking his social media. Cut him out of your life completely. Yes, it's going to be very hard to not hear from him anymore. It's a huge step to take. The alternative is spending another year as one of the girls he bangs, hoping for something more and never getting it. The sooner you cut him off, the sooner you can move on.

[AT15]

In my heart and mind I feel like he really does love me for some reason. But it's been a whole year! No attempt to make our relationship gel again. He allowed this random Swedish woman stay at his apartment for 5 days. I knew this because I logged onto his Facebook.

I was upset because it was the week he was moving. She left The Saturday before the Monday he drove 700 miles away.

 

I wondered why he didn't want to spend his last week with me. He came to my job the day before he left and we talked and hugged. But, it wasn't what a man who loves a women would do. I told him all of this too. I said to him, you say you love me, but I haven't felt that love in a very long time.

 

Is he just using me? My heart and head doesn't want to believe that. But the signs are there.

 

It's been three years going on four. I know I need to move on but my hear says FIX IT!

[marky00]

I am at the same point as you.

 

 

I have been 30 days NC which I chose to do after she delayed her reply to my last text.

 

 

Its awfully hard. Yes. But, right now there really is no other option. For a few months she showed some glimpses of caring but it didn't last long.

 

 

I think the hard part is that you know that its u that is keeping this tiny hope of a recon alive and if u try to let go, it will be no more.

 

 

But you don't have to look at it that way.

 

 

You could look at it another way and say. Ok, its time to heal and feel better. When I am better, I can re-assess and do whatever choices I like. But when I am feeling like crap, my options are limited and my choices will not be clear.

 

 

Don't worry if your not partying with 200 friends or going to the gym etc. Just say you are going to start feeling a little better and that will start with going no contact.

 

 

For me , second time round, I have gone No Contact for my own protection and that is the way you need to think about it. Sometimes briefly I do wonder if she is a little surprised by my absence but its more of a fleeting thought. I am starting to believe my answers will come later, not now. Get better and your answers about everything comes later.

[AT15]

I am at the same point as you.

 

 

I have been 30 days NC which I chose to do after she delayed her reply to my last text.

 

 

Its awfully hard. Yes. But, right now there really is no other option. For a few months she showed some glimpses of caring but it didn't last long.

 

 

I think the hard part is that you know that its u that is keeping this tiny hope of a recon alive and if u try to let go, it will be no more.

 

 

But you don't have to look at it that way.

 

 

You could look at it another way and say. Ok, its time to heal and feel better. When I am better, I can re-assess and do whatever choices I like. But when I am feeling like crap, my options are limited and my choices will not be clear.

 

 

Don't worry if your not partying with 200 friends or going to the gym etc. Just say you are going to start feeling a little better and that will start with going no contact.

 

 

For me , second time round, I have gone No Contact for my own protection and that is the way you need to think about it. Sometimes briefly I do wonder if she is a little surprised by my absence but its more of a fleeting thought. I am starting to believe my answers will come later, not now. Get better and your answers about everything comes later.

 

Marky,

I loved him so much. so much. it was genuine and real. i really thought he was the one, before the proverbial s@@t hit the fan. I knew of him for a while, but i didnt realize what a narcissist he could be. I still have him on a pedestal. I thought he was so sweet and loving, but i realize after reading the messages to women, he often puts on an act. With me, he opened up more, but he knew i really cared about him. Apart of me does not want to accept that he doesn't love me. a very big part of me.

 

He became abusive after a while. Talking sh@t to me. I always wanted to make up with him, because he was so important to me. I would tell him, please stop I dont want to argue with you. I dont like being at odds with you. I was like his little pet. It was sad on my behalf, because i would do anything for him. And I know many women fall under his charm. Many women do a lot for him. I know with time my heart will. But, i feel like Im walking away again not feeling like I was good enough.

 

it does weigh heavy on my heart.

 

Its sad.

[devilish innocent]

You'll probably never know what it is he does or doesn't feel for you. What you do know is that he can't offer you the type of commitment that you need to be happy. After a year of this, that part should be pretty obvious. That's really all you need to know. Because that tells you what you need to do. Cut off all contact with him. Move on with your life. That way your heart can open up to someday falling in love with somebody who can offer you what you need.

[AT15]

You'll probably never know what it is he does or doesn't feel for you. What you do know is that he can't offer you the type of commitment that you need to be happy. After a year of this, that part should be pretty obvious. That's really all you need to know. Because that tells you what you need to do. Cut off all contact with him. Move on with your life. That way your heart can open up to someday falling in love with somebody who can offer you what you need.

 

I am in denial. But, you are right. He knows. I know. I feel defeated that he doesnt value my love and my everything. But, it is what it is. You cant make someone value you.

 

Cutting contact is my journey to healing. I will be so cross when he changes for the woman (or t-girl, he's bi) he truly does love. You see this has happened to me before...

Edited September 5, 2016 by AT15

[marky00]

Yes, I would avoid arguments as well. Mainly just because once their love drops to a certain level, you'd have an argument without the make-up period.

 

 

So, you figure you'd prefer not to argue than have one that isn't resolved.