So this a long one but I need to vent

[Jamieeaston]

So I apologise for how long this will be but I need to vent.

 

So I'd regard myself as a handsome, successful guy. I have a good job, own house and I'm actually a caring person who just wants love.

 

6 years ago I met Rebecca, we spent a lot of time together before I moved away. I treated her pretty poorly but she really loved me and eventually I fell for her. After moving away my mother died, this hit me really hard and around that time I found out she'd been messaging her ex quite inappropriate messages.

 

I'm going to state right now that this girl was closed off, she didn't like social media unless it was something to do with her friends, she also never let me meet her friends make or female in all the time I was with her and we didn't do anything together unless I paid, she often said this was because she was broke but she always had money and the ability to take time off work for her friends and festivals with them etc.

 

So I confronted her about her ex, she said he wasn't an ex and just a friend who she'd never slept with (I knew she was lying as I'd read all the messages) I decided to let this go but it then made me lose my mind a bit, we were long distance and it turned me into a needy and insecure lunatic, I almost stalked her every move. I told her uncomfortable the whole situation had made me and she basically told me to sort myself out.

 

Not long after she dumped me, we then had a few months apart, got back together and broke up again. This happened 3 times in 9 months, I found out that each time we'd broke up she had had sex with her ex, clearly devastating me.

 

 

I never really got over this girl, compared everyone to her and still loved her, I think I put her on a pedestal but she wasn't particularly beautiful or successful, I just created that illusion.

 

Fast forward to 9 months ago, we'd been deprecated for a good few years, out of the blue she messages me, she'd just been travelling for 18 months in South America and said she'd thought about me a lot. I was seeing someone but nothing serious and she asked if we could be involved again. I told her how horrendous she'd made me feel, that I wouldn't be rushing into anything and for us to progress I needed to meet these friends and also have fun with her, not just watch her have a great time with mates, I didn't want to be a person who was there when she had no plans

 

 

For 6 months it was wonderful, I didn't get to meet the friends and we didn't do too much together but we had started fresh and I felt a lot more comfortable. She then went away for 10 days with some friends, including her ex's best mates. The whole time she ignored me, when she came back I was waiting for a text and she literally ignored me for a day after aswell saying she felt tired.

 

Clearly I wasn't happy, I told her what she had done was ridiculous, she then said that when she was with her friends it was rude to be texting me (she texts her friends when with me though). I told her I wasn't happy.

 

For the next 3 months she put no effort in, became less loving, stopped being sweet and showing me affection. Everytime I mentioned how she had become terrible again she told me I was being needy and not trusting. Everytime I mentioned how she hadn't done anything with me she said I was being dramatic.

 

Now I know for sure that this wasn't on, she then had a family incident and spent a lot of money sorting her sisters house out. I felt bad and paid for her for a whole weekend, cue 2 weeks later when she hadn't been paid yet she then drove for 36 hours with a girl and boy mate to Spain for a weekend, I mean what an utter joke that is.

 

So I broke up with her, i did it by text because she was refusin to meet face to face as she was "tired" again. She replied and agreed it was for the best.

 

I know she was just too lazy to dump me herself and was just trying to get me to do it. I know breaking up with her was the right thing to do and I actually deserve better, I know I need to move on but something inside of me tells me I won't. I spent all of those years looking for someone else and didn't even come close.

 

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant, any advice you guys could give me would be great.

[aloneinaz]

I'm sorry you went through all that. It sucks for sure. My thoughts are you were a doormat to her. She didn't respect you at all because of it. Most guys wouldn't of put up with 10% of her unacceptable behavior.

 

I think you have some work to do on yourself. Maybe consider some therapy to uncover why you'd let anyone treat you so poorly. How many times did she dump you, get back together with you again, treat you terribly and repeat?

 

Honestly, what you wrote is that you had a horrifically dysfunctional, toxic and unhealthy relationship. You allowed her to treat you poorly for years and then continually went back for more abuse.

 

What is there really to miss? Don't you want and deserve to have a woman in your life that doesn't demonstrate any of her poor behavior?

 

Seriously, look into some therapy or books that can help you see clearly what you allowed so you don't repeat it in your next R/S. I would NEVER speak to that woman again.

[Jamieeaston]

Thankyou for replying. Happened probably 4 times on and off. To be honest I was in therapy for a lot of things including my mother. Like I've mentioned I feel like on the outside I'm successful, people always tell me how I'm really handsome but on the inside I don't really feel like anyone would want me. I was really confident before I met this girl and I suppose I only let her into my life for the times where she is amazing. I know I've been a doormat, this time I can see logically how bad she had been for me, I think my problem is I care too much about people and just want to love someone. I feel people look at me and think I'm a player or something but she saw through that.

 

I would honestly never get back with the girl, I just feel like I don't connect with people very easy.

 

Again thankyou for replying, I don't have any female friends and my male friends are a bit too macho to keep hearing this stuff.

[aloneinaz]

Thankyou for replying. Happened probably 4 times on and off. To be honest I was in therapy for a lot of things including my mother. Like I've mentioned I feel like on the outside I'm successful, people always tell me how I'm really handsome but on the inside I don't really feel like anyone would want me. I was really confident before I met this girl and I suppose I only let her into my life for the times where she is amazing. I know I've been a doormat, this time I can see logically how bad she had been for me, I think my problem is I care too much about people and just want to love someone. I feel people look at me and think I'm a player or something but she saw through that.

 

I would honestly never get back with the girl, I just feel like I don't connect with people very easy.

 

Again thank you for replying, I don't have any female friends and my male friends are a bit too macho to keep hearing this stuff.

 

My friend, don't beat yourself up. There's been a lot of guys and gals (including me) that have let their significant other treat them more poorly.

 

It sounds like you have a good mindset and understanding about the whole thing now. We all learned a lot about the process post break up. The key is to not allow it to ever happen again. Work on yourself. It sounds like you have a lot to bring to the table.

 

I came out of a toxic relationship with my self esteem in taters. A couple months later, I got my feet back under me and started dating again. I faked it till i made it. Dating again allowed me get my self esteem back and confidence back. It would help you too.

 

Don't lose sight that you met her and there's millions of better, more healthy women out there who'd love to have a shot at you. You just have to put yourself out there to find her.

 

Keep posting and reading on this site. It helped me back in the day which is why I pop in occasionally to give back what I learned.

[Jamieeaston]

My friend, don't beat yourself up. There's been a lot of guys and gals (including me) that have let their significant other treat them more poorly.

 

It sounds like you have a good mindset and understanding about the whole thing now. We all learned a lot about the process post break up. The key is to not allow it to ever happen again. Work on yourself. It sounds like you have a lot to bring to the table.

 

I came out of a toxic relationship with my self esteem in taters. A couple months later, I got my feet back under me and started dating again. I faked it till i made it. Dating again allowed me get my self esteem back and confidence back. It would help you too.

 

Don't lose sight that you met her and there's millions of better, more healthy women out there who'd love to have a shot at you. You just have to put yourself out there to find her.

 

Keep posting and reading on this site. It helped me back in the day which is why I pop in occasionally to give back what I learned.

Again thankyou for taking the time to reply. I actually came on here all those years ago!

 

I'm definitely in a better position now then I was when we first broke up, I'm actually nearly 30 now. I'd been in relationships but never actually enjoyed the other persons company until I met Rebecca, but your right, the relationship was so toxic, it'd leave me feeling anxious constantly.

 

I'm not a person who likes giving up but sometimes you really need to let things go for your own health, I think the only reason I ever put her on a pedestal was because she was the first person to reject me and I couldn't understand why.

 

I feel like I have problems with getting close to people so I'm going to try my hardest to try and enjoy each persons quirks and the personalities that go with those.

 

Your comments have really helped me, I wish you well in life friend.