Chen12 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Hey guys I would really like some advice on my situation. * Note: because this is LoveShack I am prepared to be bashed for this. So I am currently seeing two guys..... I like one of them more than the other.... I will call the guy I like more guy #1. Guy #1 lives at least 2 hours away but I've seen him a few times and its obvious that we both like each other. We are very similar in a lot of ways but I haven't seen him in at least 4 weeks because he is planning to move soon and has been saving up. Guy #2 is a guy that lives an hour away but recently Ive been seeing him often. He is a guy that I used to hang out with then we got into an argument and stopped talking and he eventually started texting me back saying that he missed me. I always date multiple guys at one time because Im single and am in no shape or form committed to one person.... the problem is that guy #2 has been showing me some scary signs. We started out as a good friendship...(well at least in my eyes) hes very playful, makes jokes 24/7 and because of the way I am (sarcastic and similar humor to his) we get along pretty well. We are Always laughing and having fun. When he started to visit me at my college this didn't change and I was happy about it. When he was leaving the one time I kissed him ... I don't know why.. I was in the moment. And after kissing him I realized that I didn't feel anything and that we should remain friends. Unfortunately he saw this in a different way. After that night he started acting different. When we would go out/hang out he would stop whatever he is doing randomly and walk in front of me and hold me and stare at me. "Taking mental pictures" thats what he called it. He would always have his hand around my waist, hips, arms.... anything as long as hes touching me. He would kiss my hands randomly, and kiss up my arms, bring things for me...and put me in a position where I have to dodge his kisses... etc... So this one night I had him over to my place and he got super aggressive with the physical affection and pressured me to do more with him then kiss him... then we had sex.... I know I messed up but it has honestly been so long that I kind of wanted it to anyway afterwards he was all cuddled up with me and said "I want to say I love you but I think that would be weird." I didn't say anything for a minute then changed the subject. The thing about all this is I don't think I will be seeing Guy #2 anymore... I like him as a person but I had him over last night and he just wouldn't let up with the physical stuff. At one point he forced me to kiss him. Ugh.. The part that Im confused about it is right before I had sex with guy #2 I thought about guy #1 and felt that I shouldn't do it. Afterwards I felt guilty... like I did something wrong. Its weird because we are not together. He did ask me to be his girlfriend but I said I would think about it because I don't think I want to have a boyfriend that I could only see once a month and because when he asked I realized that I didn't want to be in a relationship at all. I was in a relationship 6 months ago. Even though I am over it, relationships are hard. I don't want that right now. I feel bad because I did want one before but now I don't. Sorry for the long post but my questions are * Am I wrong for doing what I did? * what should I do about guy#2 ? * If I did end up being with guy #1 on day , should I tell him about what happened? * have you ever wanted a relationship and realized a couple of month later you didn't? PS: I know its my fault for all this this..
JewelD Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 It's really not that complicated, if you don't like someone, stop seeing them. It wasn't necessarily wrong to have sex with the guy, but it wasn't smart because you don't know how to clarify your feelings for people. He also sounds like a sex offender if he forced you to kiss him later on. As far as guy #1, I'd cut him loose, too. He wants a relationship and you don't, so why are you dating people who want relationships? If he hasn't already, he will get tired of waiting and move on to the next person. 2
smackie9 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 (edited) Your problem is that you need to be honest and up front about your expectations. If you are looking for casual fun with NSA, then just say it. You knew guy #2 was catching feelings, but you never bother to say anything. You are too busy with your own concerns and that is very selfish. You are going to be hurting these guys because you led them to believe you are interested in a relationship. As for guy#1, he is moving specifically to be with you because you gave him a song and dance about not being interested in a relationship due to the distance. He is making a sacrifice for YOU because he really cares about YOU. And here you are boinkin some other guy leading him on at the same time. You should have told him not to bother moving. Cut these guys loose because there is a conflict of expectations. Tell them you can't give them the committed relationship they hope for because you are not in the right place in your life to have one. Don't worry there are plenty of guys out there that would have np with FWB or NSA sex. Edited September 5, 2016 by smackie9 1
Author Chen12 Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 It's really not that complicated, if you don't like someone, stop seeing them. It wasn't necessarily wrong to have sex with the guy, but it wasn't smart because you don't know how to clarify your feelings for people. He also sounds like a sex offender if he forced you to kiss him later on. As far as guy #1, I'd cut him loose, too. He wants a relationship and you don't, so why are you dating people who want relationships? If he hasn't already, he will get tired of waiting and move on to the next person. I told guy #1 that I didn't want a relationship already and he said he didn't care he is willing to wait. I told him that he probably shouldn't do that and he still said he would so..... and I already plan no not seeing guy #2 again. Your problem is that you need to be honest and up front about your expectations. If you are looking for casual fun with NSA, then just say it. You knew guy #2 was catching feelings, but you never bother to say anything. You are too busy with your own concerns and that is very selfish. You are going to be hurting these guys because you led them to believe you are interested in a relationship. As for guy#1, he is moving specifically to be with you because you gave him a song and dance about not being interested in a relationship due to the distance. He is making a sacrifice for YOU because he really cares about YOU. And here you are boinkin some other guy leading him on at the same time. You should have told him not to bother moving. Cut these guys loose because there is a conflict of expectations. Tell them you can't give them the committed relationship they hope for because you are not in the right place in your life to have one. Don't worry there are plenty of guys out there that would have np with FWB or NSA sex. I am not looking for causal sex. Im not really the type of person to have sex with someone that Im not in a relationship with... thats probably why I felt guilty. And guy #1 isn't moving for me... Youre making assumptions he is moving to a better area for himself. He has been planning this for a while and this place is only slightly closer to me.
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