PinkDotsXOXO Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Thank you everyone in advanced for all your help! Sorry for such a long post! I have been dating a guy who I'll call "Shawn". Shawn is the nicest, most respectful and thoughtful guy I have ever met. He has a good job where he can support himself, his own home, and a car. He has struggled with addiction in the past and has been married before but none of these seem to be a problem currently in his life. My own issue with Shawn is his lack of conversation. Whenever we go out I try to ask him open ended questions to get him talking but he seems to just answer them and stop talking. I try to do most of the talking and include questions within whatever I say because when I don't, there is utter silence. My dates with Shawn last no more than 3 hours because usually by then he appears tired or tells me he's gonna take a nap. I believe this is due to the many medications he's on including antidepressants and such it seems the side effect is lots of drowsiness. When I mention to Shawn he seems like he has a lot of walls up and is so quiet he kinda brushes it off and says he doesn't like the way he is. Shawn has only ever hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and because we don't spend hours together or see each other more than once a week it is hard to connect with him emotionally and physically (I'm not looking to sleep with him but kissing and cuddling would be nice). Shawn is great over text message and texts me frequently with lots to say but in person he shuts down. Please help I like Shawn a lot but I am started to get bored on our dates
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 I'm sorry... I had this problem once. He was a great guy but the dates were boring because there was no conversation... That's important to me. I want to date someone who is interesting to talk too and makes me laugh. It was painfully hard to do, but eventually, I let him go. Now, I'm dating someone very intelligent who I can talk with about many things. He makes me laugh and we have so much fun together. It feels so different and I'm so glad to have found him! If you have given him feedback and time to get more comfortable with you, that's really all you can do. You need to decide if this is enough for you... Because he's obviously a shy, quiet guy. It may not ever change.
Lois_Griffin Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 You're wasting your time with this guy. Honestly, if he's such a hot mess that he's got addiction problems "in the past" (take that with a HUGE grain of salt that it's only in the past) and he's on so much medication that he needs a nap 3 hours into your date, then you're wasting your time. He's got WAY too much baggage.
Ami1uwant Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Stop texting and save conversations for the date.
Urban_decay Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 I was involved with a nice guy once who "used" to have addiction problems.. turns out addiction was always a problem. Once an addict always an addict ND if this guy is not actively working on sobriety (it's a life long process) then please run far far away. I lived five years in addiction hell with someone who was also on anti depressents and kind of isolated himself.
joseb Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Why are you continuing to go on dates when you are bored stupid? Seriously? He doesnt sound that interest either tbh - hug and kiss on cheek only? And tiredness? You can do better. 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 He's probably so doped up on his meds that he is incapable of saying/doing much in person. BAD SIGN. It doesn't matter why he's on these prescribed drugs (or any other kind), you should know that this type of person is a missed medication away from being something terrible. You, of course, will need to decide whether you want to deal with this or not. On another note, would you be interested in such a lack of conversationalist if he was clean? I am amazed at people's idea of an ideal mate. So many people talk about how important it is to have someone they can talk to, relate to and when it is clear that may not be the case, they try to find smaller reasons to stay in the relationship. Is his "shyness" (which I suspect has more to do with his need for prescription drugs to function) okay with you?
gorf Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 (edited) Thank you everyone in advanced for all your help! Sorry for such a long post! I have been dating a guy who I'll call "Shawn". Shawn is the nicest, most respectful and thoughtful guy I have ever met. He has a good job where he can support himself, his own home, and a car. He has struggled with addiction in the past and has been married before but none of these seem to be a problem currently in his life. My own issue with Shawn is his lack of conversation. Whenever we go out I try to ask him open ended questions to get him talking but he seems to just answer them and stop talking. I try to do most of the talking and include questions within whatever I say because when I don't, there is utter silence. My dates with Shawn last no more than 3 hours because usually by then he appears tired or tells me he's gonna take a nap. I believe this is due to the many medications he's on including antidepressants and such it seems the side effect is lots of drowsiness. When I mention to Shawn he seems like he has a lot of walls up and is so quiet he kinda brushes it off and says he doesn't like the way he is. Shawn has only ever hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and because we don't spend hours together or see each other more than once a week it is hard to connect with him emotionally and physically (I'm not looking to sleep with him but kissing and cuddling would be nice). Shawn is great over text message and texts me frequently with lots to say but in person he shuts down. Please help I like Shawn a lot but I am started to get bored on our dates How long have you been dating. 1 week? 1 year? Big difference. He sounds a bit emotionally unavailable. Walls he is putting up? Perhaps. Or maybe the numbing effects of the meds he is on. Remember what they are designed to do. The effects can be a person who maybe would normally like to converse, but instead is too numbed to care to start or carry a conversation or ask you about life and take interest. Its not a matter of being too drowsy to talk, its about not caring too. They numb the parts of your emotions that get the best of you, and as a result, they effect other good areas of your emotions. I have experienced this before and it can be difficult at times Edited September 5, 2016 by gorf
preraph Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 I think you're right. He's medicated and not functioning well. On top of that, he may well be just not a talkative guy and may be boring. Talkative people on meds will yammer. So I'm saying he's not a talker, plus doped up.
NJ123 Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 Honestly some of the posts in here are pretty insulting to read almost like being quiet is a disease or something.
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