4x4storm Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 So after what I thought was an ok date the other night which I posted about. I sent her a message this afternoon referring to the movie and yep she blocked me on everything. I know you shouldn't invest to much into a person you just met but i'm almost in tears atm because this time I felt I brought out the best in me I didn't say anything stupid I dressed very nicely in expensive clothes I made sure I smelled very good on the night I got a hair cut I tried everything and it still wasn't good enough. I guess what's really getting to me is a lot of these girls i'm chasing I feel aren't out of my league. So when I get rejected I sit here and think ok how can I improve myself what are my weak points? I work on them and the same thing happens all over again. It's at the point where I don't have anything to give anymore. 1
Erik30 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Sorry dude. I looked at your other thread and it didn't seem like you did anything wrong. You made some mistakes, (that text you sent and not waiting with her) but nothing that would be worth blocking you over. She just took the easy way out, and didn't want to tell you straight up that she's not into you. Just try to remind yourself that you don't want to be with a person who could treat you like that anyway. 2
Otter2569 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Be yourself and sooner or later you are going to meet someone good. Online dating is not for the weak: its discouraging, time consuming, expensive....but what else can you do? 1
kendahke Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 So after what I thought was an ok date the other night which I posted about. I sent her a message this afternoon referring to the movie and yep she blocked me on everything. I know you shouldn't invest to much into a person you just met but i'm almost in tears atm because this time I felt I brought out the best in me I didn't say anything stupid I dressed very nicely in expensive clothes I made sure I smelled very good on the night I got a hair cut I tried everything and it still wasn't good enough. I guess what's really getting to me is a lot of these girls i'm chasing I feel aren't out of my league. So when I get rejected I sit here and think ok how can I improve myself what are my weak points? I work on them and the same thing happens all over again. It's at the point where I don't have anything to give anymore. You're trying to apply a "one size fits all" solution to individuals who are entitled to their preferences, just like you are entitled to your preferences and don't owe anything to a girl you're not attracted to just because she has interest in you. It didn't work for this chick because of whatever reasons she had--she may not have been free to pursue you: as in, she may be in rebound mode and is still hung up on her ex or some other guy she really wanted to go out with. Dating means dealing with rejection; we all have to deal with the fall out from casting our pearls before swine. There will be those who cannot appreciate what you bring--and they must be weeded out. Keep on bringing out the best in you so that you can keep weeding out those who aren't worthy of your best. Your best means that you love yourself enough to not be triflin' and small minded. 5
Satu Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 There are women who you could have a relationship with, and there are those with which you couldn't. The only way you can find the former, is by sifting through the ones you get a date with. Don't be discouraged; what you're going through is not unusual. Take care. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 4x4storm. It happens. Sometimes our "best" is not what the other person sees or is just not what he/she is looking for. I must say, as much analyzing you do of your dates, etc. coming away with a personal critique is not very effective or revealing. When we assess ourselves under such circumstances, we tend to miss a lot...we're not objective (enough). I don't know how much worse this would be for you or how others feel, but do you have a friend or two who can accompany you on a date to observe you? Or a nice gf who can objectively determine whether you are looking/smelling as you should? What do your friends say aobut you? Personality? Style? Characters? I must add that most people tend not to block someone after a single date unless it was just horrible. Did she seem receptive, comfortable the entire time? 1
elaine567 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 My guess she was not too happy about you leaving her to wait alone for her mum. It was not your fault that her mum made her wait 2 hours, but why did you rush off leaving her all alone? 2
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Don't get discouraged. She was obviously not the one, best you learn that sooner than later. This has more to do with her than you... Just be yourself and keep trying...
JewelD Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 You should have stayed regardless. Just common courtesy. and her mother was probably pissed when she saw her out there alone after a date and had a talk with her about standards. Same thing with dropping a date off at home. You don't pull off until you see her get inside safely. But what's done is done. Not every date is going to work out but you can always learn something for next time. 4
joseb Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 You should have stayed regardless. Just common courtesy. and her mother was probably pissed when she saw her out there alone after a date and had a talk with her about standards. Same thing with dropping a date off at home. You don't pull off until you see her get inside safely. But what's done is done. Not every date is going to work out but you can always learn something for next time. Well, in fairness he did offer to stay. Who is to say that if he insisted on staying she wouldn't have found that off-putting, especially if meeting her mother. I wouldn't want to be introducing dates to my mother unless it was pretty serious. 1
JewelD Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Well, in fairness he did offer to stay. Who is to say that if he insisted on staying she wouldn't have found that off-putting, especially if meeting her mother. I wouldn't want to be introducing dates to my mother unless it was pretty serious. Well, if they're in a position where they can't take each other home, I don't think it would be odd for mom to pull up, date says 'hi', mom waves from car, everybody goes home. The girl may have just been trying to be polite. I personally wouldn't have even asked. I would have just stayed and if she didn't want me to be around her, I would have left and not contacted her again. I mean, that's like asking your date "do you want me to get the bill for dinner?" Some things you should just do. 1
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 It's an odd situation to be sure. It is always nice for the guy to stay and make sure that the girl gets home safely. Always a nice gesture and something to think about next time. However, if he offered and she said no, I don't think OP was in the wrong to leave. If I told a guy I was ok and not to wait... I would probably not be very happy if he disrespected my wishes and stayed. But, this situation is unlikely to happen again. Not too often a mother picks up her child after a date;)
Ami1uwant Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 I can understand being crushed if this happened afterm a few dates out of the blue. After one date you can dwell on it. The fact is not everyone you date is a good match for who you are. With some they go purely on looks in the first 5 minutes. It's hard to say if you are doing something wrong on your dates.... If you aRe just focusing on women who are hot and out of your league you will have problems. Remember don't assume you are the only one they are dating. Sge may have dated 3 guys for first dates and you were the 3rd date and came in 3rd thus you got blocked.
phineas Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 The fact she went complete block instead of just saying she wasn't interested means she's either cray cray or he came off as creepy/clingy. 3
Otter2569 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 The fact she went complete block instead of just saying she wasn't interested means she's either cray cray or he came off as creepy/clingy. Was gonna say that was an excessive reaction on her part. Hard to say what goes on with some people...be thankful you don't have to see her again!
leogirl876 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Better to block you after one date than after a year of dating. So better to find out now than later!
Author 4x4storm Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 4x4storm. It happens. Sometimes our "best" is not what the other person sees or is just not what he/she is looking for. I must say, as much analyzing you do of your dates, etc. coming away with a personal critique is not very effective or revealing. When we assess ourselves under such circumstances, we tend to miss a lot...we're not objective (enough). I don't know how much worse this would be for you or how others feel, but do you have a friend or two who can accompany you on a date to observe you? Or a nice gf who can objectively determine whether you are looking/smelling as you should? What do your friends say aobut you? Personality? Style? Characters? I must add that most people tend not to block someone after a single date unless it was just horrible. Did she seem receptive, comfortable the entire time? She seemed very nervous to start of with but by the end of the night she seemed fine. My guess she was not too happy about you leaving her to wait alone for her mum. It was not your fault that her mum made her wait 2 hours, but why did you rush off leaving her all alone? Well after the movie she mentioned she felt tired after a long day at work so in my head I thought it was time to go home. I asked her how she was getting home and she said her sister was picking her up so I walked with her to the pick up destination. I then asked are you sure you don't want to me to stay she said no that's fine you live so far away. So I gave her a hug and as I walked away I noticed she opened up her phone and walked back inside. That's when I found out it changed from her sister picking her up to her mum and she had to wait 2 hours. But let's just say this isn't the first time before we met I got a message around 1AM oh her stranded after a night out with no way to get home. She would say things like "Eh I wish I had a boyfriend to pick me up" I've told her I don't have a car atm so why she thinks i'm capable of picking her up and dropping her home is beyond me.
coolheadal Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Sometimes it's not you it's them. You can't do all what you think is right but in the end it's them. Don't blame yourself but next date go dutch or take them to a less expensive place. Watch how they conduct themselves with you. Look for the signs if they have wondering eyes or they are looking at you. If they're not interested in you need to finish up the date early. Too much to put so much effort into a date and then get rejected at the end. Never put so much into the first date. If you get a second date then more on from there. There are many women out there for you just haven't found the right one that you are right for?
smackie9 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 This girl is something else. She ditched you rudely. She wants a guy that has wheels, so my guess is that since you didn't it turned into a dealbreaker after having to find a ride home. In her mind this wasn't going to work. IMO you are better off. You dodged a bullet.
Author 4x4storm Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 This girl is something else. She ditched you rudely. She wants a guy that has wheels, so my guess is that since you didn't it turned into a dealbreaker after having to find a ride home. In her mind this wasn't going to work. IMO you are better off. You dodged a bullet. I have a really good paying job and my own apartment but I guess that wasn't enough. Thanks for the replies everyone I'm feeling much better this morning about the whole thing.
phineas Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 This girl is something else. She ditched you rudely. She wants a guy that has wheels, so my guess is that since you didn't it turned into a dealbreaker after having to find a ride home. In her mind this wasn't going to work. IMO you are better off. You dodged a bullet. I get left in the dust all the time because i have little one's and can't just be available to go out all the time. Also, since I don't make 2x the median income for my area i actually can't afford to go out all the time anyways so i guess it works out.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 I get left in the dust all the time because i have little one's and can't just be available to go out all the time. Also, since I don't make 2x the median income for my area i actually can't afford to go out all the time anyways so i guess it works out. Are you a SINGLE father? I mean, do YOU have full custody of your kids? What part of the world are you in where you need to consider your median income??? Are the ladies looking at your median income?
phineas Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 (edited) Are you a SINGLE father? I mean, do YOU have full custody of your kids? What part of the world are you in where you need to consider your median income??? Are the ladies looking at your median income? I have them every weekend and one day during the week. My only other option was one day during the week and every other weekend. To me, seeing my kids that little wasn't an option. I can get coverage for the weekend but I need time to arrange. Lot's of women i meet have kids who can take care of themselves or empty nesters so its a compatibility issue. Most of the hotter women mid 40's (my age) i meet were kept women who are used to a man who makes a chit-load of money and lived in the more expensive gated communities. That's what they are looking for in dating. A guy who can afford to take them out all the time because that's how they lived when married. Where I live, what I drive, my job ect. those women can usually tell i'm not "the one". I make above average, just not gated community above average. but don't feel bad for me. They still have sex with me then end up with some dude older than them out of shape but makes buku money texting now and then to "hang out" and I luagh to myself and tell them i'm "busy" I'm not the only guy in my group of male friends this happens too either. Also i do meet fine women who are in their late 30's and really don't care how much I make and are just happy to find a man who doesn't live with his mom, owns a car, was never in prison, doesn't do drugs and knows how to give them an orgasm so it all works out in the end. Edited September 5, 2016 by phineas
mrs rubble Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 OP why don't you try meeting women IRL rather than online? I found online dating tedious and the most awful way to meet guys. I met a load of guys who thought they were way too good for me, when in reality most of them were players or liars and not good enough for me. When I joined a new club, I made a heap of new friends and met my partner. So I recommend joining a club (whatever interests you) and try and make new connections through mutual interests.
bubbaganoosh Posted September 6, 2016 Posted September 6, 2016 I think it was a chicken $h!t way she handled it. She could have been adult about it and said thanks but no thanks and left it at that. Those kind of people you want to avoid. Move on and find someone with a bit more class.
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