Girlfriend Breaks up with me out of the Blue

[FlyestSeahawk2]

Around 3 weeks ago my girlfriend of 4 months almost 5 broke up with me out of the blue. We were together for basically a year of talking though. We are both sophomores in college and she had to arrive early for volleyball. She moved in and in the process took over 2 hours to put up a picture collage that about half of the pictures where me. This makes me think she didn't have doubts.

 

The four days that really stick out to me began with the night she went out with her friends and got super drunk. I got a little irritated because of how drunk she got. But when she got back she was all over me saying how much she loved me and how she told her friends she hadn't seen in a while how great things where.

 

The next day I felt bad that I got a little mad so I got her some flowers and some candy. That night we had sex for the first time back and it was great. She had just been really busy and tired because two a days but that night was amazing.

 

The following night after she got back from practice something seemed up. There was little bit of drama at practice and she seemed agitated. She said she needed to sleep alone tonight and needed to call her mom.

 

The next night she came over and broke up with me. She said that she still love me but couldn't be in a relationship right now. She also said that she didn't want me to stop living my life and just sit around and wait for her. Then she said something really random. She said that everyone in her family who marries their first love gets a divorce. she said lets reevaluate in a year.

 

I find it unlikely that she just doesn't want to be with me anymore in that sort period of time. I think she's stressed out about volleyball because the local paper had her down as a returning starter but she hasn't started a game yet. I also really feel like her mom kinda planted a seed of doubt in her head. Her sister is engaged and set to marry the guy she started dating at the beginning of college. I think there is a fear that dang I really can see myself with this guy.

 

She keeps checking in on me too. She'll occasionally text me and she is always one of the first people to view my snapchat stories. She also still likes my instagram pics which is a big deal because she doesn't even like her teammates pictures half the time. She also still shares her location with me on find my friends.

 

And in person she always seems happy to see me then corrects herself and gets kinda distant. Please does anyone have any advice

[Lansing]

Yeah, my advice is to not give her the best of both worlds. If she wants to break up with you then stop contacting her, tell her you guys need to be apart for now and no more following each other on social media/texting each other/etc.

 

You are at college, don't waste this time to meet other girls and to pine over her. If she doesn't want to put in the effort to be with you then why would you keep thinking about her and wasting these prime years.

 

I think the reality is that she does have some "fears", etc but she also is afraid of what she is missing out on (other guys out there) and thinking that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. You can't do much to change her mind at this point (well, I should rephrase that, you can't do anything). So, i suggest you meet other people and date others. As hard as it is to move on, you need to start no contact now.

[FlyestSeahawk2]

Yea I definitely understand that but based on what a lot of people who are close to me and her say they think its just a matter of waiting. Then when she is ready we should be able to sit down and have that conversation. Not trying to be mean to her but I don't think she will find any greener grass

[FlyestSeahawk2]

Also I know I'm at college but I'm not someone who just wants just date for the fun of it. For me its about looking for something real. And we definitely had something real for sure

[ExpatInItaly]

Perhaps something happened on that night out. Maybe someone caught her eye and she feels guilty. Maybe she danced a little too closely to another guy and felt something. I know none of us never want to imagine that could happen with our partners, but I also can't tell you how many times I've witnessed just that on big, alcohol-fueled nights out when school gets going again. It would certainly explain the sudden about-face after that.

 

I don't think this has anything to do with volleyball, as I am quite sure she'd have referenced that if it was a factor. Maybe it's fear, but you also haven't been together very long and probably haven't reached that "this is it"-moment yet.

 

The "why" isn't actually as important as we think it is. The bottom line is the same. She doesn't want this relationship right now. I imagine she might want to stay friendly and maybe keep the door open if she decides she wants to come back, but try not to read too much into her social media activity. She can't have it both ways.

 

For your sake, do your best to close the door on this. Take your time to heal and go out and have fun. That way no matters what happens with her, you are a better person for it!

Edited September 4, 2016 by ExpatInItaly

[preraph]

I don't think one word said by family about the first love curse would sway her if she hadn't already been having serious doubts.

[spiderowl]

Something changed at or before drama practice and she realised she couldn't continue with you. Most likely she met someone else or got talking to someone and realised she was attracted to them, hence the hasty ending.

 

I'm sorry because I know how much you are hurting over this. The best thing you can do is the no-contact thing because that gives you the best chance to get over this. I know you want to stay in touch to see if she will come back but she would be with you now if she felt it was right.

 

Make up your mind that you are not going to wait around for her. I know it might sound difficult but it is a decision. You can either make it and stick to it or wait until your whole being makes this decision for you. Once you have decided to move on, even if you are not ready for it emotionally, you will feel relief.

 

I hope you feel better soon. xx

[lostsoul6486]

Hey, bud. Like others have advised, I think you should shut the door and move on. That doesn't mean you need to be rude to her. You need to put your foot down though. Don't let her walk all over you. I know it doesn't seem like that's what's going on. She may not even be doing it on purpose, but she is taking advantage of you. It's not fair for you to sit around waiting for her to be ready to have this conversation that may never come with you. You should tell her that you appreciate her being honest and telling you that she isn't ready to be in a relationship right now, but that you need her to stop texting you. Don't read into the social media likes and views. They don't really mean anything. Trust me, I've been there.

[FlyestSeahawk2]

Hey guys thanks for all the advice. It hurts but I now realize that in order for it ever to maybe work out in the future I need to try and move on. Theres that saying that if you love something let it free and if its meant to be it will come back. I don't think she found another man thats just coming from me actually knowing her. I do think that volleyball and the conversation are contributing factors but maybe not why the final decision was made. For now I move on with my life. I think eventually she'll come around but idk if i'll still be her when she's ready. I do want it to work out but I need to show her and the world that this can't defeat me and I'll keep moving on.

[FlyestSeahawk2]

Also part of the reason why I'm optimistic that she will come around is because I'm basically the complete package not my words others. People say I'm super good looking and caring and they also say I'm above her level. Also she lost her virginity to me and thats something you don't forget.

[aloneinaz]

Also part of the reason why I'm optimistic that she will come around is because I'm basically the complete package not my words others.

 

I have to ask why you'd want this girl who kicked you to the curb and said she's ok with you going out and screwing others, to "come around" again? Really??

 

People say I'm super good looking and caring and they also say I'm above her level. Also she lost her virginity to me and thats something you don't forget.

 

Ok, with that confidence, grab your man card back from her and go out and date others. My man, most guys with strong confidence, self esteem and worth would of accepted her decision to end it. They'd of then vanished from her life. Why on earth would you continue to have contact with her? She dumped you. Kicked your butt to the curb so she can date and sleep with other guys. You owe her NOTHING. Not friendship, conversation or ANY contact. Don't let her dictate anything with you now. You're not punishing her if you vanish. You're doing what's best for YOU now. You need to heal from it and NC and out of sight, out of mind is the best way.

 

Vanish from her life. Block her number or change yours and block her on social media. She wants to be free (which is her right). Give it to her. The only contact you should EVER have w/her again is if by chance you ran into her with your MUCH hotter new girlfriend hanging on your arm.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, she herself told you to go out and have fun and not wait for her. A woman in love doesn't say those things. And I agree with another poster who pointed out a single conversation with her mother (provided that's what they actually talked about, as we have no evidence that it is) wouldn't have been enough to convince her unless she was already having some doubts.

 

I get that she lost her virginity to you, and you're right that we ladies don't forget that, but it doesn't usually mean we stick with that person for the rest of our lives either. Sure, it's a big step for a lot of people but it's not enough reason to stay with someone we're no longer emotionally attached to. I would wager that nearly all of us here are no longer with the person we first had sex with. It's a normal part of life that people grow and move on.

 

You're right that the best thing you can do is begin moving forward with your own life. Take her advice and don't wait around.

[fromheart]

I'll translate what she said to you; sorry in advance.

 

'I'm no longer that interested in you, I'm keeping you as a back up just in case.'

 

Take your power back and don't be an option. Tell her firmly that you're only interested in her romantically, otherwise you wish for no contact which is best for both of you to move on.

 

Do not settle for any breadcrumbs, she will most probably test your resolution. But she has made her decision and must live by it. And she doesn't tell you to move on, you don't need a ball buster deciding for you when and where to move, you make the decisions yourself.

 

You have to move on and mean it, this is the best way. It will hurt, I've been there. But taking that temporary discomfort will be the best thing you can do for yourself. One day you'll realize that if she came back, you'd probably say no.

[FlyestSeahawk2]

Thanks guys for the advice. I appreciate all perspectives. All I'm going to do now is live my life and intrust it to God if its meant to be it will work out and if its not then oh well I'll find something better