JewelD Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 How do you break it off with someone who seems to be stringing you along? Do you tell them you're not interested anymore or do you reciprocate the amount of respect they've shown you and just ghost on them? I'm just not really interested in having that whole "What did I do? I'll fix it" conversation as we've already had this talk and nothing changed. I can just tell by the things he says that he's very accustomed to women with low standards who require little to no effort from him. He tried it with me and the past couple of weeks have been me telling him he needs to step it up and be proactive. Now I'm at a point where I'm done telling him and I need to take action myself.
angel.eyes Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 Block. Delete. No doubt he's a smart boy. He'll figure it out when he reappears. 1
leogirl876 Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 Ghost. Doesn't sound like a good match. 1
jen1447 Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 If you already told him it's not really ghosting (ghosting is disappearing w/out notice), and if he's a turd you don't have the same level of obligation to him anyway. Just bounce GF. (Personally I'd tell him he failed and it was done but that's just me. You really don't have to make a 'final announcement,' all things considered.) 5
Lansing Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 Personally, I would still talk to them and say "sorry, this isn't working out for me" and leave it at that. If they never call and ask you out on a date again then fine. But, personally I wouldn't treat someone poorly just because I am angry at them for not being more into me or being lazy. 3
preraph Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 I'd text him and tell him you think the relationship has run its course and wish him a good life. 1
smudge21 Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 I'm a firm believer in treating others as I expect to be treated. Obviously it doesn't always work out that way, but that's just how I'm wired. I reckon here you're not really ghosting. He's the one not showing the interest and you can/should only do so much before you have to walk away and cut your losses. It's often the case however that you moment you walk, is when they suddenly step up. Then it all comes down to whether you want to give them that one more chance. 1
Author JewelD Posted September 4, 2016 Author Posted September 4, 2016 I'm a firm believer in treating others as I expect to be treated. Obviously it doesn't always work out that way, but that's just how I'm wired. I reckon here you're not really ghosting. He's the one not showing the interest and you can/should only do so much before you have to walk away and cut your losses. It's often the case however that you moment you walk, is when they suddenly step up. Then it all comes down to whether you want to give them that one more chance. So true. We've had a couple of conversations where I basically told him I wasn't satisfied with the way things are going and he kept saying, I still want to talk to you, I'll do better, etc etc. Then the next day he'd do the exact same thing again. But I guess the difference is during those instances, I never actually cut him off. I kept giving him more chances. I don't think he's capable of stepping up, ( for me anyway), but at least if I put an end to it I won't have to deal with his bs anymore. It's just so frustrating that you can basically give somebody a step by step handbook on how to treat you and they still won't do it.
angel.eyes Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 I figured as much! That's why you cut your losses and get on with your life. As long as you continue to engage him and repeat how he's not meeting your needs/expectations, you'll just get more of the same nonsense. Yet another conversation about his disappointing behavior is not going to change anything. Regardless of what might be coming out of his mouth, his actions tell you he's not interested. If someone tells me they're not interested, and his actions are clearly telling you that, I move on. Block and delete if they keep trying to waste my time. 1
Dis Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 I agree with the others You did everything you could by telling him he needed to step up...he chose not to IMO, he doesnt deserve the "break up talk". Break up talks are for people who actually care enough to hear we're not happy and are moving on Plus if you do tell him its over he'll probably feed you more of the same cr*p...which of course will amount to nothing as it did plenty of times before I'd just block/delete Its realy a shame when people cant seem to function accordingly in relationships....some men/women are so inept You deserve much better and you'll get it once you make room for the right guy by getting rid of this one 1
randall Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 You've already had the talk with him and he's done nothing. He knows what he's doing, no need to keep going over it with him again or to explain. Just ghost and if hes serious he'll come to you. If he's not serious then you've saved yourself the hassle. 1
Author JewelD Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 So I told him I was done and he was like "ok that's fine". Which didn't surprise me. I was a little ticked off at his nonchalance but said fk it. Then a few hours later he sent me this text saying he was sorry he pushed me away and that he was doing it because he's a pos and I deserve better than him. He said he was heartbroken and misses me but knows I deserve better than what he can offer me. Given his circumstances, I know he's right. But still, that would have been something to tell me straight up rather than acting like a jackass until I got fed up. But it is what it is. Meh.
angel.eyes Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Ha ha. That's exactly what I thought! The "I'll do better" plot has stopped working. So next up, tell her you're a POS and have her counter with "no way" and give you another chance because she wants to show you that she doesn't think you're a POS. That's why, block...delete...next. Saves on the whole silliness. 1
Author JewelD Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 It's been a couple days since we've talked and for some reason I'm still kinda stuck on this person. The last message I sent him was pretty firm about him being full of **** and not having anything to offer me as far as a relationship or friendship. I'm sure I gave him the impression that I didn't care about him or want to hear anything else from him. I started talking to another guy I met off OKC and on paper, he seems like a great match. So far, he's doing everything I wanted the first guy to do. But I'm just finding it hard to put forth the effort with this guy because I'm so preoccupied with getting over the last guy. and he's not just some random I can go the rest of my life without seeing. He's the son of a close family friend so I knew him before we started talking and it's likely we'll see or hear about each other at some point. We had to really think about whether this was something we should be doing or not, given his circumstances. We're the same age, but we are really far apart as far as what we're doing in life. My mother would probably be pissed and say that he's not good enough for me just for that reason alone. There's a big part of me that really doesn't want to cut him off forever though. Maybe this was something we should have never tried in the first place and it ruined what seemed to be becoming a decent friendship in the beginning.
Gaeta Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 There's a big part of me that really doesn't want to cut him off forever though. Why? Seriously ask yourself why. The only thing he did was disappoint you than mislead you. Why does he deserve your friendship as a reward? 1
angel.eyes Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 Even if dating someone doesn't work out, it can take a while to let go emotionally. We aren't like water faucets, We can't turn off our feelings immediately. It often takes a while for the heart to catch up to the reality that we know intellectually. It's going to be hard to get interested in another guy while you're in this place. Just take up a new hobby, spend more time at the gym, hang with your friends, and keep busy. Eventually, the feelings you still have for him will fade, and you'll be open to trying again with someone new. 1
katiegrl Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 Even if dating someone doesn't work out, it can take a while to let go emotionally. We aren't like water faucets, We can't turn off our feelings immediately. It often takes a while for the heart to catch up to the reality that we know intellectually. It's going to be hard to get interested in another guy while you're in this place. Just take up a new hobby, spend more time at the gym, hang with your friends, and keep busy. Eventually, the feelings you still have for him will fade, and you'll be open to trying again with someone new. True. But in order to move forward, she needs to extricate him from her life... I find cold turkey is best. Block, delete. The emotional disconnect will soon follow, slowly but surely. Good luck jewel, you are a beautiful person, you will be just fine!!
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