Where is his love?

[whereisthelove]

Hi Everyone, I want to tell you my sad story:( Please don't judge my English.

 

Everything began 3 years ago, we both were 23. He texted me on Facebook and I didn't pay much attention. After some time be began texting... he seemed very interesting, strange... like an unread book. I could not unterstand him, I wanted to learn more about his personality. He was shy yet interested. He texted me than stopped, texted again than stopped. To be honest it left me confused but I wanted more. One day he told me he is scared to open up his heart. He doesn't like losing people and he is scared of pain because love is always pain. One day you will lose the person you love most (death oder break up).

But he was ready.. he fell in love with me and forgot about his anxiety of getting hurt. He was the happiest guy on earth and i was the happiest girl. His family, his friends, noone saw him like that. He was like another guy, not the depressed guy he used to be.

2 wonderful years went by. We loved each other and supported each other. Both of us were poor college students, but we were happy in his small apartment or in my small room. He was like my angel:(

 

but he never liked to talk about the future. I only knew that he would like to travel and work around the world. Not stay in one place but to see everything. I wanted that too. I mentioned that i would like to have a little small family by the age of 30 (we both are 26).. he wanted to marry a little bit later. First to see the world and then become a father.

 

Last month he began to feel depressed. He was under pressure because of his exams. he said he doesn't know what he wants in his life and which path he should take. I didn't pay much attention, i thought after his exams everything will be fine and I can calm him down.

2 weeks ago he visited me and we spent the most beautiful weekend. I felt his love and we acted like the couple we used to be in the beginning. Everything was perfect.. then suddenly he had an argument with my brother ( he was with us in the last day). Due to Political and religious beliefs. My now Ex boyfriend became very angry and started to scream. He brought me home and I started to fight with him. I didnt understand his anger towards my brother.

He got offended that i took the side of my brother ( I really didn't, I just became angry because of his extreme reaction). This was the last day i saw him. He left me.. after couple of hours i TEXTED him and asked him if it was over for him. He said yes, his girl should support him and take his side, its worse than a cheat for him, he can't imagine the same situation in 10 years again, it would cause him more pain.

I begged, I cried, I wanted to see him again, I apologized but he stuck to his decision. He wanted me to accept it and let him ago. It was a shock, I wanted to see him and talk in person but he denied.

 

After 2 days I texted him again and told him how much he means to me and how much I love him.

He then told me again I should accept it. He doesn't want a relationship anymore, he wants to be alone because love is only pain. He told me he was like a wolf in a cage and that he wants his freedom again. He feels the pressure( earning money till 30 because i mentioned i would like to have a baby by the age of 30). He doesn't belong into a relationship, he needs to be alone.

I asked when he realized it.. his answer was after the fight. His love turned to hate and hate turned to indifference. He doesn't want someone in his live, no one should tell him what to do, when to marry, what to wear. Everyone pissed him off and he wants his time.. alone,to forget me and kill his love towards me. He wished me luck and a new partner.

I cried, i couldn't believe his words (2 days ago before the fight he told me how much he loves me)... I wanted to see him but now he blocked me from his contacts. He cut me off.

 

I'm devastated, I'm sad. I only feel pain, I love him from the bottom of my heart and feel guilty. How can he kill his love? how? I don't know what to do.