Ladiesdispare Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 Please help, my head is a mess. My whole world feels like it is falling apart. 2 weeks ago my partner of 5 years drive 250 miles to his home town and refused to speak to me for a week. He returned on Monday only to pack a suitcase and tell me our relationship was over. I then drove the 250 miles the next day after being sent home from work to his home town to ask him to come back home. Unfortunately that did not work so I then spend the next 4 days pacing our home (in my home town) trying to think of a ways to get him back. Yesterday he turned up with his brother and his friend and a van and cleared out his stuff. I told him I loved him and he was welcome back any time. He said he loved me back but we just aren't working. I hold my hands up and can say we were in a rut. Passion had left us and I nagged ALOT... I did not see it until now. The reason for this is.... 2 years ago I tried to live in his home city but become so homesick I had to leave. He was depressed and so was I. When I returned to my home town he got blind drunk and tried to kiss someone... I was devastated and i never got past it. All I know is I love that man, I forgive him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but it is too late. I now cant afford my home on my own, I have lost the love of my life and now my home. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I want him back but cant have him. Please help. 1
Satu Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 Welcome to Loveshack. Sorry that you're hurting. I think that the best thing you can do just now is to let the emotions on both sides settle down. You can do that best by leaving him alone for the time being. I don't think that talking will achieve anything at this point. You should concentrate on your own financial and living situation. Look for somewhere to live that you can afford. Do this asap. Make it your top priority. Find ways of shrinking your budget to fit your circumstances. I won't offer any comments about the relationship at this time, because I really think you should concentrate on your circumstances, and get that sorted out. Keep posting. Take care. 1
BluesPower Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 Yes Satu is right. You have to get yourself squared away. If you can't get you budget shrunk down enough to keep the house, then dump it and find another place. Make sure you are OK. It will do no good to go after him. When a man finally makes a decision like this, he has already thought it over. His mind is made up. Do be needy of weak with him. Let him go and take care of yourself. I am sorry that you are dealing with this, hang in there!!! 1
Author Ladiesdispare Posted September 4, 2016 Author Posted September 4, 2016 Thank you for your replies, budgeting done. I am going to take the next week to see if I can live in 'our' home and turn it into 'my' home. ... I think. I don't want to loose everything I have built for myself. My home and my belongings are all iI have to show for the past few years of hard work and I don't want to loose that too. I don't want to feel like I have lost my independence and my relationship and the love of my life in one week. Relationship side, unfortunately I letting go is the hardest part. I miss him and love him so much. I find it hard to get my head around the break up when we both love each other dearly. 2
sportygirl Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Hi there. I don't have too much experience on here to offer much help, but all I would say is to hold onto your home IF you can afford it... al least for a couple of months. I lost the fella and the home in the same week, and I have always wished I kept hold of the home. I could have afforded it, but I didn't want the memories we shared to be haunting me in the home. The thing is, I think its taken me far longer to recover as I feel like I lost everything in my world (except my job). Its harder to bounce back unless you're a stronger person than me that can see it as a totally new and independent start. Again though, this is only IF you can afford it... sinking in debt is far worse than losing your home. 3
Author Ladiesdispare Posted September 5, 2016 Author Posted September 5, 2016 Thank you for your replies, I can afford it .. I think. once the bills drop.. which they will as I am not in as much as he was. He was in all day every day working from home. I am going to try but on days like today I have found it hard. I desperately want him back. I miss him so much and will never take anyone for granted again. How can I get him back?
marky00 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Its probably not the right time to be asking how to get him back. But.... I will say this. Male dumpers are more likely to return than female dumpers. The reason for this is probably 2 reasons. 1. guys act very much on ego 2. guys are bit more nomadic which means they may return to previous haunts. If you concentrate on yourself right now, that is ironically the best way of getting him back. Its very hard I know. I'm giving you that advise and I'm not even following it myself properly. Keep everything together as best as you can , stay calm and you just never know. 1
GirlOnline Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 If you really love him, why don't you go after him? I mean really go after him, move there for him. My guess is that you don't love him enough. When love is true, it doesn't matter which district or country you live or have to move for your half.
marky00 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 If you really love him, why don't you go after him? I mean really go after him, move there for him. My guess is that you don't love him enough. When love is true, it doesn't matter which district or country you live or have to move for your half. Not sure that's a good idea. 1) he himself said they were not working. 2) a woman should never chase a man (that's even worse than a man chasing a woman). I think right now it would be better to let some dust settle. Its these first few weeks after a breakup where how u act is critical. Every move you make (even if its desperate) should not look desperate. 1
Author Ladiesdispare Posted September 6, 2016 Author Posted September 6, 2016 If you really love him, why don't you go after him? I mean really go after him, move there for him. My guess is that you don't love him enough. When love is true, it doesn't matter which district or country you live or have to move for your half. I did... 2 years ago I moved there and suffered the worst depression and homesickness. I came back to my home town and he followed 3 months later but unfortunately in that time he tried to kiss someone and I never got over that. Not until now. I know it was hard on him and he was scared.
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