wow123 Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 Long story short, I told my ex I needed a break. Some time to get my act together. I promised not to date anyone else which I stuck to. A month and a half later I apologized and told her I made a huge mistake. After some discussion she wanted to see me. We went out for a fun night on the town. She was extremely affectionate. Told me she missed me etc. That was the last time I saw her. At the end of the date she told me that she no longer felt that same way about me. I went no contact for 8 months. Last night I broke it. We talked for hours. She was extremely friendly and seemed interested. So I asked her out. Her response...I have a new boyfriend so it wouldn't be right. Lesson learned. Don't break no contact. The only reason I did was because I was the one who originally ended the relationship and messed up. Doesn't matter. Never break NC after someone tells you that they don't want to be with you.
bubbl Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 Thank you for sharing this, and sorry you had to experience that.
Author wow123 Posted September 3, 2016 Author Posted September 3, 2016 Thanks! Lesson learned. Every relationship and breakup situation is different, but the bottom line is...don't contact someone who tells you they don't want you. 1
marky00 Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 (edited) Well, Good advise but then again, if I really felt I had made a mistake I wouldn't have stopped just because of her saying "her feelings had changed". As the dumper, you probably broke her heart so of course her feelings changed. She would have treated your "taking a break" as a complete breakup for her own protection. While she was still in your head, she was doing everything to get you out of her head. But, it can turn back the other way somewhat. Since you broke her heart, you probably would have needed to try harder to repair the damage. Out of pride, she needed to see you make all the moves back then. The odds are definitely against you contacting someone who has confessed their feelings have changed. That's what makes reconciliations hard but not impossible. Edited September 4, 2016 by marky00
Author wow123 Posted September 4, 2016 Author Posted September 4, 2016 Agreed. I tried very hard. Just didn't include all of the details. She believed I wanted to be with her and had strong feelings. Unfortunately, it was too little too late.
aloneinaz Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 TO add to the importance of not breaking NC, it's also important to remember that reconciliations only work in the movies. There's a reason people break up in the first. Those reasons don't change only because a few months have passed. I'm not sure there's too many guys who dumped a gal and found themselves in a dry spell. Sooo, what do we think? Hum.. I'll call Jane and I bet she misses me and maybe I can get laid. I'm guilty of it! Funny story.. I broke up w/my then gal and she chased me for weeks. I broke her heart. Then, she vanished. A couple of months later, I was in a dry streak. I went out with the guys, got loaded and struck out. On the way home, I stopped by this exes apartment. The door opens.. This big, tall, Tom Selleck looking guy answers the her door. Shocked, I asked if she was home. He closed the door, opened it back up and said "she doesn't want to talk to you".. So, yea.. lesson learned to leave the dumped alone.
Bialy Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 Yeah, thanks for posting this. It should serve as a warning and cautionary tale to anyone who wants to reach out to an ex. She probably got some sense of closure. Speaking to you probably confirmed in her mind that she doesn't have any feelings for you and is in a better relationship. It gave her a huge emotional boost to be able to speak to you and know it is done. It really is best to avoid the temptation to contact an ex. 1
marky00 Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 Yeah, thanks for posting this. It should serve as a warning and cautionary tale to anyone who wants to reach out to an ex. She probably got some sense of closure. Speaking to you probably confirmed in her mind that she doesn't have any feelings for you and is in a better relationship. It gave her a huge emotional boost to be able to speak to you and know it is done. It really is best to avoid the temptation to contact an ex. This may be true but at the end of the day, does it really matter? I mean, if your never going to be together again, who cares who WINS? I'd prefer to have LOST and known for sure its over. I'm only on planet earth once. 1
TexasGuy12 Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 Long story short, I told my ex I needed a break. Some time to get my act together. I promised not to date anyone else which I stuck to. A month and a half later I apologized and told her I made a huge mistake. After some discussion she wanted to see me. We went out for a fun night on the town. She was extremely affectionate. Told me she missed me etc. That was the last time I saw her. At the end of the date she told me that she no longer felt that same way about me. I went no contact for 8 months. Last night I broke it. We talked for hours. She was extremely friendly and seemed interested. So I asked her out. Her response...I have a new boyfriend so it wouldn't be right. Lesson learned. Don't break no contact. The only reason I did was because I was the one who originally ended the relationship and messed up. Doesn't matter. Never break NC after someone tells you that they don't want to be with you. So sorry that happened to you. I know the feeling on a much smaller scale. Can't imagine hearing that after 8 months, and the see saw of your emotions. I know 8 months seems like a long time now, but just remember that the days are long, but the years are short In no time you'll be 2 weeks, 2 months, 4 months into your new NC run, and next time you get the same urge, you'll think of what she said, and how awful it made you feel, and that will make you pause before you send that next text or email. We're all in it together. At least you truly know where you stand now instead of wondering.
Author wow123 Posted September 7, 2016 Author Posted September 7, 2016 Thank you for the support everyone! @Texasguy Exactly. The false hope died with that conversation. Could be a good thing for me. @marky-you're right it doesn't matter. I need to let that sink in. @alone Wow! That must have sucked!!!! Sorry man!! @bialy-Yes. I shouldn't have been so delusional. Shoulda moved on a long time ago! Waiting and breaking NC hurts.
Alexlexus Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 that sucks. im sorry. that happened to me but the only difference was my then long term ex left the guy for me and then left me again 5 years later. she was a bitch.
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