cae88 Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 On Thursday evening, a dog that I have owned since he was 8 weeks old (a shih-poo), died. He was 14. He was a family dog that belonged to my parents, myself and my sister. He was killed by another one of our large family dogs, who opened his kennel door and grabbed him as he was outside in the yard (my sister had let the shih-poo outside of the house to get some fresh air, etc. as is the routine every day). Somehow on Thursday, I feel as though the padlock on the kennel was not placed back on properly, which led to the dogs demise. I have been wanting to break NC because I feel that my ex will understand what I am going through. We have a mutual love for animals and he owns several dogs (and has professionally bred them for many years). As me and my sister watched our beloved dog dying, we cried, we screamed, we panicked, wondering what to do, who to call. We tried to get the dog away from him ourselves, but nothing worked. We called people who could have potentially helped (including a veterinarian who does house-calls for us), but I couldn’t help but want to call my ex in that moment. He would have known what to do, I feel. He has pitbulls, bulldogs, akitas, etc. he has parted dogs with his bare hands. So he knows a thing or two about large dogs. I know that this is all still fresh, I am in the process of grieving and that contacting my ex is not the best idea right now, but this has been weighing on my mind since Thursday. Should I?
Aniela Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 No, I wouldn't. I did that with someone once, and he only ever made things worse. I don't know your ex, but there's a reason you've been NC. You don't need anything else hurting your heart right now. ♥ 1
springy Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 No, no, no....you are NC for good reason, correct? Your ex cannot help or comfort you, not genuinely. Keep posting here, talk to your sister and your family - they understand your grief. I am sorry for your loss.
Blanco Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 When we are struggling to maintain NC, the slightest things can be temptations to break it. So it's understandable that something major like the loss of a pet will present an intense temptation. But here's the thing: Whether it's the loss of a loved one or seeing an old movie that reminds you of an ex, those are mostly unrelated things that we find a way to connect to our ex. Last year, there was an issue in my family that was not at all related to my ex. It was a low time for me, and one of my initial responses was feeling like I wanted to reach out to her. I didn't, and I was later glad that I hadn't. When we decide to go NC, it's for our own best interest. But it goes both ways. We can't push away someone for our own self-interest and then make exceptions to that when we feel we need something from them, whether it's compassion or simply a listening ear. edit: I looked and now I remember your story. This guy cheated on you. Don't use your dog's death as an excuse to bring that toxicity back into your life. 4
Zahara Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 Stop finding reasons/excuses to seek him out. The guy cheated on you -- if he had no regard for your wellbeing and feelings then, then he's the last person you should be seeking out for comfort. You're like a junkie looking for ways to get a fix. Find comfort in those that actually care and love you rather than seeking out his sympathy and attention. You'll only hurt yourself more. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 No, don't contact him. Part of a relationship ending means learning to cut that attachment, even in difficult times. You need to find other outlets for your grief. 2
Author cae88 Posted September 3, 2016 Author Posted September 3, 2016 A junkie looking to get a fix? No. I’m just heartbroken is all. Thinking to reach out to my ex was a mistake. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 I'm with Zahara. You're trying to use this as an excuse to contact your ex. You have your family to mourn with. They would understand as much or more than your ex. Don't contact him.
Zahara Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 A junkie looking to get a fix? No. I’m just heartbroken is all. Thinking to reach out to my ex was a mistake. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. Yes, you're looking for ways to get him to soothe your pain, whether your dog/your remaining feelings for him. I understand you're heartbroken but seeking comfort from a cheating ex is disastrous. You're hoping he'll sympathize and that'll translate to something more. Find resolve from positive outlets. Not this guy. 1
SoleMate Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 Very sorry about your beloved dog and the violence of his death. Agree with all that contact with your cheating ex is a bad idea which will over the long term increase your suffering. He has nothing for you.
preraph Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 I am so sorry about you losing your dog. I know how it feels all too well. But no, you no longer should lean on your ex for anything. It's over. 1
BC1980 Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 Significant events can often be difficult following a breakup. You get emotional and want to reach out to your ex. When it's still fresh, things like birthdays, holidays, deaths, ect. can remind you that you are no longer with a person. But it's not a reason to contact an ex. You have to learn to go through these significant events without him because that is what you will be doing from now on. You can't contact him every time something happens. 2
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