Mariofan601 Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 Hello, This is my first time writing here and my first time dating someone. I just want to explain my current situation and grab some feedback. Thank you! I'm 22 (I know, late for dating) and I signed up for eHarmony. I was talking with a girl for about two months until we first saw each other (Communication was very long because she works two jobs, volunteers, and goes to school. So it resulted in almost one msg a day.) It was also stated in her profile that she wants to find someone with patience because her time is very occupied with all of this. We've now been seeing each other for about a month and I'm about to see her again in a couple days for drinks. I really enjoy her company and I think she's an awesome person. She says that she enjoys spending time with me as well. Because of her crazy schedule, we only see each other about once a week. I try to text her as much as I can, but she can sometimes take hours to respond, assuming because she's very busy. I usually initiate contact, but there's been a few times where she has as well. On our dates, we usually go out for drinks or go see movies. I usually pay for everything, but she has stepped up and payed for our outings as well on occasion, even when I convince her not too. Our dates aren't usually too long, usually about 3-4 hours because she has to get up early the next day for work. She doesn't show very much affection, but we have kissed and have held each other during movies. I'm a pretty shy person, so I don't show much affection either, but I have been increasingly trying too the more we date. My main question is on our fifth date, I want to get a feel of where this is going. Is it too early to bring up exclusivity? We haven't really talked about relationships or past experiences. I feel like I want to have a heart-to-heart with this girl so I can see where this is going, instead of just being led to a casual friendship. I hope I explained everything as best I could. Again, this is my first time dating, so everything might not sound too great or experienced, but nonetheless, any feedback would be appreciated. Thank you![/center]
marxman2015 Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 Hello, This is my first time writing here and my first time dating someone. I just want to explain my current situation and grab some feedback. Thank you! I'm 22 (I know, late for dating) and I signed up for eHarmony. I was talking with a girl for about two months until we first saw each other (Communication was very long because she works two jobs, volunteers, and goes to school. So it resulted in almost one msg a day.) It was also stated in her profile that she wants to find someone with patience because her time is very occupied with all of this. We've now been seeing each other for about a month and I'm about to see her again in a couple days for drinks. I really enjoy her company and I think she's an awesome person. She says that she enjoys spending time with me as well. Because of her crazy schedule, we only see each other about once a week. I try to text her as much as I can, but she can sometimes take hours to respond, assuming because she's very busy. I usually initiate contact, but there's been a few times where she has as well. On our dates, we usually go out for drinks or go see movies. I usually pay for everything, but she has stepped up and payed for our outings as well on occasion, even when I convince her not too. Our dates aren't usually too long, usually about 3-4 hours because she has to get up early the next day for work. She doesn't show very much affection, but we have kissed and have held each other during movies. I'm a pretty shy person, so I don't show much affection either, but I have been increasingly trying too the more we date. My main question is on our fifth date, I want to get a feel of where this is going. Is it too early to bring up exclusivity? We haven't really talked about relationships or past experiences. I feel like I want to have a heart-to-heart with this girl so I can see where this is going, instead of just being led to a casual friendship. I hope I explained everything as best I could. Again, this is my first time dating, so everything might not sound too great or experienced, but nonetheless, any feedback would be appreciated. Thank you![/center] It is a bit early. If she is not ready, you will put pressure on her. If she is ready, she would want to let you know about it. Thats why, you dont have to bring it up. She could hint it in a way or another: - She ask you if you are seeing anyone else, and want you not to - She tells you she is not seeing anyone else and want you do the same - She tells you "I feel like I have known you my whole life!" - She ask you "Where is this going?" - She ask you "So what are we now?" etc On the other hand, is the girl showing you any signs of interest?
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 I don't think it's too early to have the exclusivity talk at all. You can both want exclusivity at different times but there is no hard fast rule as to when each person actually craves exclusivity. Does that make sense? If you would like to be exclusive now you can certainly lead that discussion with your own wishes and see where she falls on the spectrum. If she is not feeling the same way then you know she is keeping her options open, whether she is seeing others or not. And then you can decide if you want to keep paying for all those dates etc. You can still see her and spend time together but it doesn't have to involve spending all that money. Are you both still on eHarms looking or open to meeting others? Is this why you want to discuss it as well? In my experience, when a guy expresses his desire to be exclusive I am right there with him...he's just beat me to the punch. It's usually after a couple months sometimes sooner.
BaileyB Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 It may not be too early, but if you are having fun together there is no need to rush it. I would be a little concerned that she may not have time for a relationship - but if she really likes you, she may just find the time and make some other decisions for her life... Time will tell. You can always hint a little by telling her that you really enjoy her company. Ask her if it bothers her when you text, and tell her that you really enjoy talking with her. Or you can just tell her that you are not seeing anyone else. At some point, you will want to tell her that you would like to see her more often... And then, she will need to look at her priorities. It's ok to take things slow and enjoy your time together - but don't waste too much time on someone who may not really be available to progress the relationship... 1
Author Mariofan601 Posted September 3, 2016 Author Posted September 3, 2016 I don't think it's too early to have the exclusivity talk at all. You can both want exclusivity at different times but there is no hard fast rule as to when each person actually craves exclusivity. Does that make sense? If you would like to be exclusive now you can certainly lead that discussion with your own wishes and see where she falls on the spectrum. If she is not feeling the same way then you know she is keeping her options open, whether she is seeing others or not. And then you can decide if you want to keep paying for all those dates etc. You can still see her and spend time together but it doesn't have to involve spending all that money. Are you both still on eHarms looking or open to meeting others? Is this why you want to discuss it as well? In my experience, when a guy expresses his desire to be exclusive I am right there with him...he's just beat me to the punch. It's usually after a couple months sometimes sooner. Thanks for getting back to me. I have unsubscribed from my account, but the account is still active because it doesn't allow you to close it until the year has ended. Her account is also up but I don't know how active she is on it, if at all. The main reason why I want to discuss it is because I do have feelings for this girl and I want to make sure that I'm not falling for someone who doesn't want to pursue anything serious. And in Response to Marxman, she hasn't brought any of those up yet. As for signs of interest, she shows subtle signs. She's the one who initiated a kiss, she plays with her hair when talking to me, laughs, she texts me messages showing that she enjoys spending time with me, and she never makes excuses not to see me. If something doesn't fit her schedule, she'll always recommend a day were she is free. I don't know if these are sure fire ways to see if she's interested, but it gives me an idea that she at least must be a little bit interested.
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 Thanks for getting back to me. I have unsubscribed from my account, but the account is still active because it doesn't allow you to close it until the year has ended. Her account is also up but I don't know how active she is on it, if at all. The main reason why I want to discuss it is because I do have feelings for this girl and I want to make sure that I'm not falling for someone who doesn't want to pursue anything serious. You're welcome! Precisely. So it's a good time to express your desire to be exclusive. I don't see why that would "scare her away" What would scare her away would be to give her an ultimatum or to ask her for commitment out of context for how long you have been together but asking for exclusivity is not a bad thing. If anything, if she is wanting to get to know you more and be more serious with you she will appreciate it that you are not looking to mess around and meet other women while dating her. That isn't to say you are demanding she be exclusive too, you just want to gauge if she is on the same page as you. So you want to pose it in such a way that expresses your desire to be exclusive not your "expectation" that you will be. Speak from what you would like and where your head is at "I like you and I just want you to know that I am not interested in dating anyone else at this point, so I would like to focus on only dating you..." or "I want to get to know you exclusively" and wait for her reaction vs saying "we should be exclusive" Good luck I hope she feels the same!
Defkill Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 Hello, This is my first time writing here and my first time dating someone. I just want to explain my current situation and grab some feedback. Thank you! I'm 22 (I know, late for dating) and I signed up for eHarmony. I was talking with a girl for about two months until we first saw each other (Communication was very long because she works two jobs, volunteers, and goes to school. So it resulted in almost one msg a day.) It was also stated in her profile that she wants to find someone with patience because her time is very occupied with all of this. When to me there was 22nd just the same situation was. The truth I have got acquainted on the website Hottest Russian Brides at the Women's Club Dating online I hope at you everything will be good
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