Girlfriend ended our relationship of 4 years for space, will she come back?

[cbt123]

Hi guys, I'm not normally one to post on forums butt really need some opinions on my story. Me and my now ex girlfriend were together for 4 years, we are both in our early 20's, I work full time and she is in university. Last week my girlfriend after a heated argument ended our relationship saying she wanted space away from me and that she wants to have her own freedom and adventures without me, that she feels smothered and wants to not rely on me so much and be able to learn things about herself by taking chances she couldn't do whilst being with me, this was completely out of the blue and I was completely stunned as she had never mentioned this before as whatever she wanted to do we would do together with no complaints from her at all, for the past week I've taken this really bad, I've been crying non stop and I'm completely heartbroken, whenever I try to message her she will respond with 'don't talk to me I want space go away!' I just can't get my head around how for 4 years we had such an amazing, close, intimate relationship and then in one moment she throws it all away for some fun, adventure and freedom. I've tried to contact her and she says she misses me but not for a long time can she even think about us being together again as she wants to spend time on herself now. Does she have somebody else lined up? My emotions are running wild right now, we don't live together nor do we live close so it's not as simple as popping to see her for lunch to discuss our situation, I'm purely relying on the odd text message every few days. Next week we was moving into our first house together which was an amazing step forward for us but now she has pulled out and is going to stay with her friends, this has really hurt me as everything was planned, jobs were sorted etc for our move into the city but now it's not happening. I know most

of you will say move on go out with friends etc but that's easier said than done, we had the most intense and loving relationship in the world it was a dream come true, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen so I'm heartbroken it's ended as brutal and quickly as this, I've tried the best I can to initiate NC but I just can't do it, i lasted a few days but then I missed her too much I had to message her, she's been ignoring me mostly but she has said she misses me but she can't be with me right now.

 

Really what I wanted to know guys is that if any of you have been the dumper wanting space and if you ever went back to your partner, or if you've been the dumpee and if your partner came back to you. In my case do you think she will miss us and come back or do you think this is just a poor excuse to break up? All opinions and replies are welcome, I just need some advice and direction as I'm really struggling to cope with such a gaping hole in my life disappearing into thin air. I'm here heartbroken but she's there loving her freedom and space Thanks in advance!

Edited September 3, 2016 by cbt123

[aloneinaz]

Ok, you asked.

 

Listen, you're young. You had your first significant R/S and it sounds like it ran it's course and she wants to explore life single again. This is NORMAL for both sexes at that age. MOST R/S at that age run their course and flame out as one or the other wants more life experiences and want to date others too.

 

Everyone has the right to end a R/S like she did. You will end a few in your life time too. They don't always end on a perfect note. It's simply part of life. I tell my 19 YO boy to get out there and "sow some oats". He needs to have many loves in his life before settling down in a marriage. If not, he'll get married and wonder about other women and those experiences he missed. There's a reason the divorce rate is ove 50% and probably much higher for folks who hook up at your age and eventually marry.

 

What you NEED to do. LEAVE her alone my friend. You need to find your pride and self respect. I'm not trying to be harsh here but.. you're coming across very weak, desperate and pathetic. Don't you think she's sharing all your contact w/her with her friends and family. She's telling them how pathetic and weak you look to them and it's a major turnoff to her and is damaging your already shaken self esteem. What would look better to her, her friends and most importantly, YOURSELF? I'll tell you. You VANISH from her life. Block her on all social media. Bonus points if you started dating in the next couple of months. If she found out about that, she'd at least respect you and it would knock the chip off her shoulder. Change your phone number or block her. You need to go hardcore NC FOR YOU to heal.

 

In the meantime, work on yourself. Hit the gym. Stay busy with hobbies. Get out and socialize (where you won't run into her). If you stay NC and vanish from her life, you'll feel better the quickest.

 

Finally, STOP dreaming about getting back together with her. Guess what, it wouldn't work the second time either and she'd probably dump you yet again. You both need a lot more life experiences and loves in your lives, plain and simple.

 

You'll survive. Millions and Millions of folks have been where you are and got over it and moved onto their next love. You'll do the same.

[ExpatInItaly]

What was this argument about?

 

It could be that she has been having doubts for a while, unbeknownst to you, and saw this argument as her way out. She seems quite angry.

 

As the other poster said, you're both young and it's typical that these relationships don't last as we grow and change and want to spread our wings. That's not say reconciliation is utterly impossible, but it won't be any time soon. She appears quite adamant that she wants out.

 

Regarding your other questions, it's also always possible she has her eye on someone else. Perhaps when the reality of moving in together started to really hit home, she realized she's not ready to make a serious commitment. But don't torment yourself wondering about it. It won't change anything for the moment.

 

I have been the dumper in this situation, with an ex-boyfriend I dated for 5 years (3 of those living together) I was also in my early 20s then. In our case, I had simply outgrown the relationship and no longer felt the romantic connection. I tried to convince myself for a while that it was just a phase, tried to put on a happy face, but I eventually admitted to myself that I really didn't want to be in that relationship anymore. He was a good guy, treated me well, but I knew we weren't heading in the same direction. We did not reconcile, and that was around 12 or 13 years ago now. Though I felt awful hurting him, I don't regret it. We both found happier paths.

 

But I do know of people who have found their way back together too. Please don't pin all your hopes on that, as it's not the norm, in my experience. You clearly both need space from each other, especially her.

[Traceycprc]

Personal experience, it's an easy way to put you on the back burner while they try to establish if they can do better! I would use the 'space' to enjoy somethings you used to do before the relationships and don't get your hopes up you will get back together!

[Marc878]

Look the absolute worse thing you can do is text and call. Not to mention crying, begging, pleading. This is a huge turn off.

 

What's that getting you? It worsens your status. It tells her she is worth more to you than you are to her. If someone doesn't want you there's nothing you can do.

 

If you're smart about this you'll realize you're young and this is over. Block her on everything and go completely dark. Who knows what the future holds but your current path isn't going to get you there.

 

Yes, she's got another guy from the sounds of things.

[springy]

You have been given some good advice here. Crying, begging and pleading is really not a good look. I guarantee you are only accomplishing turning her off even more. I would not text her again if I were you.

 

I am curious - you came here the very same month last year due to the breakup of a 7 year relationship. If this is somehow the same girl your relationship has not been as amazing as you claim in your opening post. Take her off the pedestal.

 

Disappear from her life entirely.

[fromheart]

I'll give you the brutal truth, and then I'll give you the solution. But I warn you its not going to be easy to hear.

 

At this stage right now, she's most probably gone. There's also a fair chance that she's got someone else lined up. This is the way it usually gos my friend.

 

What you have to do right now, is get your power back. The absolute best way to do this, is to not contact her and get on with your life. Every time you contact her and 'need,' her, she gets validation that you are weak and spineless. Do not give her this validation.

You're also missing other opportunities with women with this sort of behavior.