Electrogrrl Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Okay, so I have no idea what to make of this but it really freaks me out... Last night I got into this fight with my b/f (we had both been drinking some) and he freaked out. One minute he was being really nasty and cruel and then he had like this bizarre, almost seizure like convulsion for a minute or two and then BAM! he snapped backed to "normal" and asked me what was wrong and why I was crying and upset. It was like he had blanked out our fight or something. It really scared me. It was as if a switch had flipped on and off inside him. I've never seen anyone else do this. I know he has a lot of issues due to a messed up childhood. Every time we get into a bad fight he lets out more and more of what happened to him and it's very disturbing, but then when he is done being angry he denies telling me those things or makes it out like it's not a big deal or that he was just joking or being dramatic. I'm at a loss, really. Has anyone else ever experienced something like this?
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by Electrogrrl I'm at a loss, really. Has anyone else ever experienced something like this? Scary. Would he accept therapy? If not, I'd run right now. Before he gets drunk and does something you'll both regret.
Author Electrogrrl Posted July 5, 2005 Author Posted July 5, 2005 I've suggested therapy many times but he just says that he's dealt with his anger and issues (which is so obviously not true) and laughs it off. This is not the first time that he's done a personality switch either, but it's the first time I've seen him go into convulsions during it.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by Electrogrrl I've suggested therapy many times but he just says that he's dealt with his anger and issues (which is so obviously not true) and laughs it off. Denial. Makes the problem twice as bad. This is not the first time that he's done a personality switch either, but it's the first time I've seen him go into convulsions during it. And it's not getting any better by itself - quite the opposite. It's your decision, but I would strongly advise you to break it off. Today. Before he hurts you. And he will.
d'Arthez Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Without therapy the issues are extremely likely to get worse, and not better. The convulsions you described are a big warning sign - and one that should never be ignored. He might take it out on you and those around you - perhaps to let you suffer in a similar way as he has suffered. He may well have not the intention to do so, but the intention is not enough to make certain that it does not happen. There is no guarantee that you won't end up as a victim of his behavior. Sure he may have had a rotten childhood - but it is still present in the present. And that is something you as a g/f can't deal with. A professional can. And his childhood is not an excuse for his behavior. It is a reason that leads to this behavior, but not a justification for his behavior. If he is not going to enter therapy, the best thing you could do is run.
krbshappy71 Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 This sounds scary, chick. You said he wont get professional help but will he if he risks losing you instead? Not saying to give an ultimatum, but you have a right to be safe and this doesn't sound safe for you. If you feel he could benefit from therapy (and perhaps medication!) then I see nothing wrong with telling someone you can't move on until you feel safe, which means moving on with him in a relationship. If you are just dating, not living together, then you can make the statement that you wouldnt feel safe living with him until you knew he had sought help. That's not breaking it off, just not allowing it to go further. Just a suggestion, as it sounds less threatening than breaking things off "get help or else" attitude.
moimeme Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 He could be schizophrenic. Some people develop different personalities in order to deal with awful situations in their youth and from what you say, he had such issues. Did you tell him about the 'seizure'? If he still refuses help, I'd not continue the relationship. It's not that he's potentially dangerous (only a very small percentage of schizophrenics are) but people who refuse help are in deep denial and tend to end up unhealthy throughout their lives. Another remote possibility is that he has a brain tumour so try again with as much tact as you can muster to convince him he really needs to see someone.
phidelt127 Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Yeah, what everyone else said. This may be a very serious mental problem. I knew someone who had similar problems and ended up being diagnosed bi-polar disorder. Get him a psychiatric evaluation.
Author Electrogrrl Posted July 5, 2005 Author Posted July 5, 2005 Here's the situation: though he had a really traumatic childhood (a physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic mother) he has refused to get professional help in the past when I suggested it. He says he doesn't believe in therapy as he's English and was raised to deal with his problems in other ways (i.e. drink and bottle up emotions). In fact he has stated many a time that he considers emotions to be a sign of weakness. Regardless, he has these freak outs from time to time (sometimes when provoked during an argument, sometimes he just goes morose whenever the topic of his mother is brought up--which I try not to do). If anyone read another thread I wrote it was about him freaking out over me changing my hair color to blonde (because his mother was a blonde). I've since changed it back to brown to avoid any unneccessary conflict. It gets even worse whenever he's had contact with her. He went on a week long sailing trip with her very recently--like a few weeks ago--and even though he seemed fine for a bit, he had that outburst last night during our argument. He even admitted that he was lashing out because of time spent with her too!! I thought about maybe suggesting couples counseling, but now I am not so sure. This seems like a problem that he has to face on his own but I know I can't make him get help if he doesn't want to. Sigh...this makes me very, very sad. I'm very much in love with him but I know if it continues on this way it will be bad for me and I have to think of my happiness first. Is there a way to approach the suggestion of counseling that might not make him so defensive? Honestly, I've run out of ideas.
moimeme Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 You send someone to a physcian who may be able to persuade the individual to get a psych evaluation. But did you see where I suggested he might even have a tumour? This could be extremely serious. It's a pity that he believes the outdated idea that mental illness is 'all in the mind' but hopefully a doctor will disabuse him of his old-fashioned views. But right now that guy needs a scan to be sure nothing physical is amiss.
krbshappy71 Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 May I ask how long you two have been dating? Are you living together? Just how much is at stake here?
Author Electrogrrl Posted July 5, 2005 Author Posted July 5, 2005 Thanks Moimeme...I will see what I can do about getting him to see a physician. The possibility of a tumor is very frightening especially because he's told me that cancer runs on both sides of his family and nearly everyone on his father's side has died from it. krbshappy71: We've been dating for nearly 2 years. We don't live together, though he's asked me to move in with him several times and I declined because I wanted to wait till we'd been together for at least a couple of years.
Recommended Posts