I think its time

[LovingTooMuch]

I'm venting. I've posted on this girl a little over a year ago.

The year and a half we have been together, she has broken up wih me 3 times. And several other times, usually after drinking, would mention that shes not happy. We moved to a new city together, me for a job and her for school. We live together.

 

I feel like an idiot. The trust issues started with the first break up after dating a couple months. Which is in the other post, so im not going to go through that again.

 

A few months afer that, last July, I glance at a message that pops up on her phone, and its from a co worker saying "I wanna get with you". I knew who he was, because she always spoke about him. After digging she admits to a crush on hiim, though nothing ever came from it. She tried to tell me that crushes are a normal thing. I told her to spare me, and that she had lead him on enough to send messages like that.

 

Things went well. There were ups and downs. And then we moved in december. The move was stressful. We did it together and had a common goal of being together and improving our lives. Which we were doing.

 

We started going out around the area. She likes to drink. And flirt. And it drove me nuts. When she drinks 1 too many, the flirting gets over the top and friendly. For a while I thought I was just being insecure, but realizing that I wouldn't put my SO in that situation with or without her in my pressence, told me that this isn't normal. Numerous fights occured over this topic. She insisted that she was doing nothng wrong and it was harmless. Somewhere in this timeframe she started talking about wanting to move to another city to go to school.

 

My trust in her at this point is faultering.

 

Fast forward to February. For my job, I had to past a certification exam. I had only 1 shot. Fail it and I lose my job etc...Needless to say The month prior to the exam was stressful. This was a HUGE part of why we moved and impoortant too our future. She knew this. The day I pass it, we go out and celebrate. When we get home she accidentally sends me a text meant for her father. "He passed, so I'm going to go ahead and end it now rather than let it drag on." A day that was supposed to be great, felt a lot more like a backstab.

 

I was pissed. If i pass, you leave me? If I fail, I can move to another city for your school? Sneaky and against all things we were attempting to do. So she broke up with me. Lasted a few days until she realized that she wanted to be here.

 

March. I take her out for her bday. The entire day she is closed off, rude and void of emotion. Saying that she has lost the spark that we had, she breaks it off. Days later we are back together. Things are going well for a while.

 

There seems to be a lot of push/pull going on with her.

 

The last month she has gone from I love you baby, texts all the time, a general caring, to cold, unresponsive and once again void of emotion. She has started hanging out with a group of friends that I was always invited to hang out with, but lately the invites became non-existant. Ups and downs week to week.

 

She started telling me she would meet me somewhere, or be home around a certain time, and then not do it. She wouldn't text to tell me whats going on and would ofen lie by ommission.

 

She came home last night and woke me up to tell me she wanted to move out. I agreed. She told me that she doesn't feel the same about me anymore. And when she tries to picture herself with me over the long term, she can't. She also said that she needed space to be herself because she has lost sight of that. So much back and forth. I'm not sure what's true and what's not.

 

It sounds like she was looking for a support group of friends before she had the power to move on. I'm the idiot truthfully. She has 4 days to find a lease. Then a week to move. I'm sticking to it. Anyone dating someone like this? A push/pull that doesn't know what she wants? Thanks for listening.

[MetalGearSolid]

It sounds sort of like the predicament that I am in. She cheated on me, and when I asked her if it was because I didn't treat her right, she denied and said that not once was she unhappy with me. She still hangs out with me after the breakup and while seeing the new guy, and it was like normal: we kissed, hugged, and even carried out some sexual favors. I've stopped contacting her today to give me some time to think. I do feel that we love each other extremely deeply.

[Heartsalone]

Your not an idiot by any means..you just care and obviously love the girl much more than she does you.

 

Seems to me like she has been checking out of the relationship for a long time and waiting on something to give her that final push and strength to stand on her own two feet!

 

You need to ask yourself why you would want to be with someone who you cant trust..who would treat you like that on her birthday when you are trying to have a good time? And makes you miserable about your efforts...theres plenty more women out there would love to be treated to a day out on their birthday and appreciate it.

 

My advice is to get your own priorities in line..check out of the relationship yourself and find someone else as hard as that may be ✌

[aloneinaz]

She sounds like she has some REAL issues like Borderline Personality Disorder. Google it and see if she fits the mold. She demonstrated a lot of those traits.

 

Don't beat yourself up. We've all stayed in a toxic, dysfunctional relationship WWWAAAYYY longer than we should have. The key is to NOT repeat the same things again in our next relationship.

 

You also have to know you were ignoring red flag after red flag w/this gal. 3 break ups where a HUGE one. Im a strong advocate that any break up is a deal breaker and the R/S should end w/both parties moving on. You guys are now on your 4th or 5th one? Enough said..

 

Get her out of your place ASAP. You need to move on to someone else who isn't as damaged as she is and that your compatible with. Solid, healthy relationships don't include multiple break ups, a moody partner that you have to walk on egg shells around and drama on a day to day basis.

 

Seriously, look up Borderline Personality Disorder and see if that's her! I dated one that I'm certain had it. It was 1.5 years of the same hell you've suffered through. I'm so grateful she's out of my life now and is someone eles's nightmare while I moved on to a loving, healthy, drama free R/S.

[LovingTooMuch]

She matches many of those traits. Including the disfuntcional family upbringing.

[aloneinaz]

She matches many of those traits. Including the disfuntcional family upbringing.

 

What's important is whether she is our isn't is not YOUR problem anymore. At this juncture, you need to worry about YOU. I know how F-up you're feeling and you need to focus on your healing and moving on. The fastest way to do it is to get her out, cut all contact from her so you can heal and recover from the trauma of that toxic ex.

 

In my case, we ended. We exchanged out things the next day. She NEVER heard from me again. I blocked her on social media and everywhere else. It took me a couple of months to get my feet back under me again. The NC and out of sight, out of mind helped me feel much better.

 

You can do the same. It sucks when we run into and date such a damaged person. But, it makes us stronger. You'll meet someone NOT damaged and like me will look back and say "oh thank gosh I'm not w/that train wreck anymore"..

[Downtown]

She matches many of those [bPD] traits. Including the disfuntcional family upbringing.

LTM, like AloneInAz, I lived with a BPDer (my exW). If you are interested in reading about my experiences, I provide a list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of those red flags sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to join AloneInAz in discussing them with you.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your exGF's issues. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid taking her back and avoid running into the arms of another woman who is just like her. Take care, LTM.