shrimpgumbo Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 I've been talking to a girl that I work with for about 3 months. Im 32 and she is 29. We were going out for diner, drinks, movies and nights at her house. When we first started taking she expressed that she didn't know what she wanted and wasnt keen on the idea that we worked together since her last bf worked with us as well. We both got out of relationshipstock about 8 months ago. One day after I spent the night at her house she text me to tell me that she had feelings for me more then a friend. This excited me as she had never really verbalize her feelings. The problem is that about a week later she told me that she just wasn't ready for a relationship because she is just too busy with work and newly started grad school. I told her that of course I was disappointed but that I totally understand. The issue is that we still talk, text, and hang out. She has been more open to hugging me at work and even last night she invited me to get diner with her when we both got off of work. Later that night I text her to tell her thanks for the invite and driving to dinner and that it was really good catching up with her since I hadn't seen her in a week. I got no response back. I am having a hard time dancing the line of friendship or more. I have told her several times that I would like to be more then friends but I must get the feeling that I'm in the friend zone. It's very difficult simply being friends with someone I see so often and have such strong feelings for. She has said she doesn't want to string me along but that's exactly how I'm feeling. What do I do?
Redhead14 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 I've been talking to a girl that I work with for about 3 months. Im 32 and she is 29. We were going out for diner, drinks, movies and nights at her house. When we first started taking she expressed that she didn't know what she wanted and wasnt keen on the idea that we worked together since her last bf worked with us as well. We both got out of relationshipstock about 8 months ago. One day after I spent the night at her house she text me to tell me that she had feelings for me more then a friend. This excited me as she had never really verbalize her feelings. The problem is that about a week later she told me that she just wasn't ready for a relationship because she is just too busy with work and newly started grad school. I told her that of course I was disappointed but that I totally understand. The issue is that we still talk, text, and hang out. She has been more open to hugging me at work and even last night she invited me to get diner with her when we both got off of work. Later that night I text her to tell her thanks for the invite and driving to dinner and that it was really good catching up with her since I hadn't seen her in a week. I got no response back. I am having a hard time dancing the line of friendship or more. I have told her several times that I would like to be more then friends but I must get the feeling that I'm in the friend zone. It's very difficult simply being friends with someone I see so often and have such strong feelings for. She has said she doesn't want to string me along but that's exactly how I'm feeling. What do I do? Drop your end of the string . . . 1
preraph Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 She's been open with you, although she seems to be wishy washy on what she wants. She told you she does have romantic feelings but then she doesn't have time for a relationship. So now it's your turn to be up front with her. Tell her, "Look, I do want more than to just be friends with you. I don't want to end up in the friendzone and just stay there. You said you had some feelings for me but then you said you don't have time for a relationship -- and yet you seem to have time to be friends. I need to know where this is going, because I don't want to get hurt." 1
smudge21 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 So she tells you she doesn't know what she wants, tells you she has feelings for you, tells you it's over, tells you that you can still be friends and throughout all this you just agree and go with it. Seriously, take it from someone who has travelled this road and found nothing but dead ends, cut this one loose. Be honest with yourself and then with her; you don't want a friendship with someone you have feelings for. Let her know this and make it clear that if she changes her mind, then to give you a call.. then go, and don't look back. Even start seeing other people or at least thinking about it. Don't put your life on hold for someone who expects you to whilst they live theirs. All this is currently all about her and the longer you let this go on, the less respect she'll have for you as you'll just be that sweet guy who's a good friend. You know what friends get? They get told about the new boyfriend. As much as right now you think she's such a wonderful girl, she's dictating and controlling all of this and that's not how any relationship built on trust and mutual respect should ever begin.
angel.eyes Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 If she is constantly initiating friendship activities as she is, but claims she doesn't have time for a relationship, then she's not really interested in a romantic relationship. The problem is, if she says that, she loses the friendship, which she enjoys. Hence the "I have feelings for you more than a friend" comment. More than a friend, how? Like her BFF or brother, perhaps? Regardless, it's not working for you. I would cut ties and move on.
Redhead14 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 When a person says this kind of stuff to someone they've been dating, it means they don't want a relationship with that person but doesn't want to cut them loose yet, in case, something better doesn't come along. They are just too cowardly to say, "hey I'm just not into you, but you can hang around if you want. I might even have sex with you once in a while too, because right now there's nothing else out there. I'd say, it's more of an FWB set up -- more than friends, but not boyfriend . . .
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