Lansing Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 So, this happened a few weeks ago so at this point I think it is probably too late to do anything but in retrospect I am wondering if I should have done something differently at the time. Hopefully next time the opportunity will be there to get the girls number when it happens. I was at an event and we were in line for something and I saw this lady turn around and look back towards me so I started chatting to her about the event/etc. Her work came up and then we started talking about random things. It was her turn (don't want to go into too much identifying details) so I said for her to enjoy and then I went off to do my thing. Well, my thing was longer and by the time I was done I didn't see her around. Later in the evening I saw her chatting with her friends and I felt weird going to interupt. Anyway, since she mentioned where she worked and what she did it was fairly easy to find her on social media just through a Google search. A friend told me to follow her/send her a message but I decided not too because thought it would be creepy/stalkerish. In retrospect, maybe some girls would find it romantic if she actually was interested in the guy. Anyone ever done something like this and had it work out? I need to remember moments like that in the future so that I take the step to get the phone number or whatever in the moment (it was kind of weird because other people were standing around us and I felt they were all listening in on our conversation )...
gorf Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 A friend told me to follow her/send her a message but I decided not too because thought it would be creepy/stalkerish. In retrospect, maybe some girls would find it romantic if she actually was interested in the guy. I dunno. Yeah, it can come across as creepy. But also romantic in a way that you are perusing her. Depends on the lady. But are you ever going to see he again? I say send her a message, maybe she is thinking of you and won't take it that way. Either way, its not like you are going to see her again if you say nothing. So what do you have to loose? 1
preraph Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 First I will just say that if she'd been VERY interested, she'd have positioned herself somewhere near you in your line of vision or waved or something later. I do think it's a little creepy with so little time spent face to face to contact her through social media. Plus did she even give you her full name? If not, do NOT contact her. If she gave you her full name and where you worked, then you can contact her once and then totally back off if she isn't super excited to hear from you. If she didn't give you her full name, it is too stalkerish. 1
introverted1 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 I guess I am an outlier here. If I told someone my name and where I worked (even if it was only my first name) and then he respectfully contacted me on social or professional media, it would not bother me. The only way I would find this creepy or stalkerish is if I expressed no interest after that first contact and the guy continued to pursue me anyway. 2
preraph Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 We're just not sure she gave him her name or if he only knows where she works and found her that way. I still say if she was interested, she'd have seen to another face-to-face that evening, but still if she gave him the full name and where she worked and it's not inappropriate because she's a business associate, then no harm in taking one shot. She could be married or taken. 1
jen1447 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Anyone ever done something like this and had it work out? I have, and it's worked out phenomenally well, but the reality is it isn't a level playing field as far as this goes and generally it's not a good idea for most ppl. The most likely reaction would be "ew, this guy I talked to at wherever must have been late-night googling me." It's almost always best to make your play while you've got a legit in. 1
Osmium13 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 I never make the first move on social media, unless I've been invited to - or I'm very, very drunk Did that once to a girl I'd had a bit of a crush on for years - sadly, she ignored me. The worst thing was I had no idea I'd actually sent it, until a few weeks later. I was mortified when I eventually spotted it... To this day I don't know whether it was deliberate (and I had no recollection of it) or just careless fingers on a poorly designed app! 1
Bantosm Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Yes. OP, I've done similar things like what you mentioned and sometimes they worked, sometimes they failed. You are 100% correct: A women who is interested may find that action romantic. There really isn't a fine line between being creepy and romantic. If there is no attraction, something as mundane as saying hi can come off as being creepy. 1
Author Lansing Posted September 2, 2016 Author Posted September 2, 2016 Ok, thanks for confirming my gut reaction that it will probably come across as creepy. We didn't exchange names. There aren't many people listed on the company website and she is the only one listed in that department. I just need to remember that feeling of "missing out" next time and just go for her contact info next time. I have gotten people's numbers before and then had things fizzle out (or no response) but at least I feel like I tried.
SevenCity Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Ok, thanks for confirming my gut reaction that it will probably come across as creepy. We didn't exchange names. There aren't many people listed on the company website and she is the only one listed in that department. I just need to remember that feeling of "missing out" next time and just go for her contact info next time. I have gotten people's numbers before and then had things fizzle out (or no response) but at least I feel like I tried. One great test is ask for her name and don't give yours "What's your name?" "It's xxxx", "Nice to meet you xxxx" then pause. If she doesn't ask for your name she is not interested in you. If she asks for your name you have at least some interest. The only difference between creepy and romantic is her attraction level for you. Things you do to to women that are not interested in you will come of creepy. It's part of life - deal with it. Who cares anyway? Not like you will see her again. 1
Author Lansing Posted September 2, 2016 Author Posted September 2, 2016 Not like you will see her again. Part of me thinks that maybe I will based on her interests/etc. So, I guess I feel like I may ruin any chance by contacting her now (if I did it the next day or after a day or two maybe but now been a few weeks). I like the "name" test thing you mentioned. Similar thing happened when talking about her job, she mentioned her company/job and then she asked me what I did/etc.
smackie9 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 I don't think she was too interested or she would have offered her name without you offering yours. And like the other poster said she would have kept you in view, waved you over, or located you later to talk more. That's what I would have done. BUT IMO you should have been forward and introduced yourself, asking her name, etc...showing confidence/boldness can put you in a more attractive light. Women are attracted to confidence.
SevenCity Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Part of me thinks that maybe I will based on her interests/etc. So, I guess I feel like I may ruin any chance by contacting her now (if I did it the next day or after a day or two maybe but now been a few weeks). I like the "name" test thing you mentioned. Similar thing happened when talking about her job, she mentioned her company/job and then she asked me what I did/etc. I don't want to sound like an advertiser, but if you like that Google "Corey Wayne". That's his advice and he's written a book that completely changed my perspective on women and relationships. I've been watching his YouTube vids for a month now - he's got hundreds.
basil67 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Just feel the need to point out the obvious - the fact that a girl talks to you does not necessarily mean that she's available. You could do everything perfect at your end and still not get a number
Justanaverageguy Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 Here is the reality. 50% maybe higher will think it's stalkerish and weird. 30% will think it's odd but not really remember you or care. 10% will not remember you at all 10%?will be interested and glad you msgg Could work out but the stats are not in your favour. If you don't mind takina hit to the ego send and just see what happens 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 I dunnow I kind of love it! then again I'm not a millennial. I don't have as many hang-ups about stuff like that, and I'm used to aggressive men who go after what they want none of this passive sht where a guy gives you his number and says "call me if you want." My city has an indie magazine with all the city's music and entertainment listings and lots of good music articles etc. In the back of the mag there is the "Missed Connections" section of the magazine which was hugely popular in the late 90's and 2K's where people post a note to someone they saw at a "missed connection" so e.g. they checked each other out on the train, they talked at a concert, they "met at an event in line and chatted but then never exchanged names or #s" and people STILL post their stories of missed connections hoping the other person will read it and reach out. Missed connections happen, nothing ventured nothing gained. If you found her on Twitter, why not? Stalker is having her receptionist at work call her up at her desk saying "someone by the name of Lansing is here to see you"
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