Ross21 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 I wrote for the first time on a forum here a couple months ago and the response was amazing. Unfortunately I find myself in a ****ty situation. Im lacking friends I could go to for advice in this phase of my life and hope that this community can help me. I'll do my best to summarize the key parts of this story. Before I start I want to say that even though she's done these things to me she's not some bitch of a monster,she does love me,care for me and is actually a very sweet girl, and at the beginning of our relationship I was naive and because of my parents hateful relationship I wanted to be understanding and patient ,which made me a bit of a door Matt. Today I have a backbone and stand my ground. So here I go,I'm a bit drunk so I apologize for any rambling. She's cheated in the past but I attribute some ofthat to her manipulate ex and her being afraid an confused,I forgave her. After that she did something just as hurtful. She spoke to me about this guys she had a huge crush on in high school and ended up bumping into him at work and went out of her way to have him notice her,even had a mutual friend bring her up. That situation got a little worse but eventually we spoke about it and I forgave her. I'm sure she sounds like an ******* but she's not,she's actually very sweet and loving but has these moments of extreme insecurity. This bring me to the reason why I am here.ill do my best to keep it as short as possible because I could talk about this for days. I met her at work and so did this guy(Sean) ,her brothers friend.from the first day they worked together I got a weird vibe . At that time she was very shy,quite and reserved, especially with guys but she actually seemed very interested in this guys.she would make a bit of an effort to talk to this guy which was weird in her behavior. She would get upset if I bought a co worker lunch (as a friend,I don't believe in cheating) but she'd be okay with him buying her lunch. They eventually traded phone numbers trough her brother and started Getting closer, they would take there lunch together, and there breaks outside alone, co workers tought she was cheating on me. For a couple months I forgot about it until I noticed they were texting more than usual. She mentioned to me he was going trough a hard time and I remained quite for about 2 months to see how much they were texting each other ,I wanted to be sure I wasn't overreacting. (As I had been cheated on) They would text from morning to night ,paragraphs and hour long conversations on the phone. He would seek her out like she was his girlfriend. I confronted her and she defended there friendship. I told her I was uncomfortable with the lack of boundaries and asked her to put some in place,she said she would but just ended up locking her phone. I confronted her about that and got into a big argument about it. A day later she told me that he'd done some weird things(she's not good with guilt).the first was that Some how there relationship as friends came up,she jokingly said "I could stop talking to you when I want" and he responded "I don't think you can, we have a special bond". The second would be that one day he seemed sad and in need of a hug,so she hugged him( she's annoyingly sympathetic) and he held her tight and for longer than she intended. I feel like these examples can be seen as he might just see her as a close friend but this last example is to me proof that he saw her as more. Her brother invited her to party with them, he was young and going trough a ,,"drinking phase"so he passed out,her brother , my girlfriend and Sean were in a room, her brother passed out cold. My girlfriend was on the bed and Sean was on the couch just talking to each other. Sean stands up and lies next to her on the bed,she Gets freaked out and moves away. I know nothi g physical happend because she's never been promiscuous. I'm sure that the only reason he did that was I guess his way of making a move on some one who's been giving him a certain vibe. I feel like she emotionally cheated on me and never admitted to it. When she apologized she said" I'm sorry if it seemed that way" which to me was bull ****. I do t know how to resolve this, in my opinion she knowingly did this, didn't bother to hide it and Didnt fully admit it. Part of me doesn't want to let it go and the other part does,I'm mad,hurt and do t know how to deal with it.i have to work with the guy every so often so it only makes it worse . She handled the situation so horribly and now she can't say or do anything to make it better. I left some parts out in effort to explain the situation a bit better. I have many reasons to think she was at one point or another attracted to him and kept him around as an alternative to me, even tought I was never cold ,neglectful or did anything to push her away.
bummer Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 lemme condense this for clarity and chronology. correct me where i'm wrong. You're with a girl who cheated on you with an ex. Then tried to get an old HS crush to like her. She knows Sean from work. Sean is super thirsty for your girl. your girl texts him a bunch and he buys her lunch. blah blah blah, he's lying next to her (you are not there?) and she didnt do "anything." Now you are confused. I think, as you note, that she is keeping plan b's everywhere and isn't fully committed to your relationship. If that's okay, then keep dating. Otherwise, you've had enough fumbles to let this trainwreck burn out without your input. 1
Author Ross21 Posted September 22, 2016 Author Posted September 22, 2016 Well she's only been sexual with me and her ex and I honestly believe her with out a doubt but she's definitly had plan b's around(I guess emotional ). Her apologies were " I'm sorry it seemed that way and " I didn't mean to make you feel that way " Witch were bull **** . Today she's 100% in, she tells me if a random guy hits on her even tough I'd never know, she has no lock on her phone. She tells me everything about all her friends male or female , she doesn't hide anything but I'm still extremely hurt by what she did and can't seem to get over it.i do t want to bring it up because there's honestly nothing she can say or do to make it better. Thank you for taking the time to reply.
salparadise Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 I do t [don't] know how to resolve this, in my opinion she knowingly did this, didn't bother to hide it and Didnt fully admit it. Part of me doesn't want to let it go and the other part does,I'm mad,hurt and do t know how to deal with it. She handled the situation so horribly and now she can't say or do anything to make it better. [...] I have many reasons to think she was at one point or another attracted to him and kept him around as an alternative to me, even tought I was never cold ,neglectful or did anything to push her away. The part of you that wants to let it go... that's actually you wishing for a different reality, while intuitively realizing that it is what it is. It's cognitive dissonance... what you want and have convinced yourself to be true (does love me,care for me and is actually a very sweet girl) is conflicting with the hard evidence that cannot be denied. You can't reconcile the two, so it produces anxiety and emotional angst. Of course she's attracted to him. She loves the attention and is actively developing multiple options. She has cheated in the past. You expressed your feelings about it and she locked her phone. Accept the reality and discard the fantasy. The glass slipper doesn't fit. 2
bummer Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Pretend you're your friend who knows you two and gives you good advice. What would you tell yourself? Is she a keeper? It seems she's confident enough you WONT leave that she will flaunt the reality she's getting attention from everyone. That's not good for you. "Love" or lust, it blinds us all. If you're not happy in the exact state and moment you are in now ask yourself why? And find the solution. I think you know the answer.
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