Back at square one, when does it end?

[Em2410]

I'm about a month post-breakup, having had NC with my ex since. I've really missed him but up to this point I thought I'd gotten to a place where I was better. I've been trying to work on myself; go gym, spend as much time as I can with friends and so forth. I felt like I was doing everything right.

 

Today is my ex's birthday. I have decided not to send him a text wishing him a happy birthday, and although I feel cold doing this I can't give him the satisfaction that I'm still thinking about him. Despite this, I've woken up this morning crying and I can't seem to control it. I feel like I'm back at day 1 when he said goodbye to me for good. I didn't expect this.

 

I can't help thinking that this time last year we were together celebrating. He didn't have a big social life because of work, I was really the only person he had. I remember making a fuss of him as much as I could but he was a low key guy and I think we just enjoyed being together. Now I know he's got big plans tonight with his new friends and the probable new fling that he has. I can't help thinking I would of been there if it were only a few weeks ago. I was there when he had nobody, and it's his new found social life that is partly the reason he couldn't be bothered with me anymore.

 

I'm not sure what sort of advice i'm really looking for here. I just don't want to be back at square one. I know I don't deserve to feel like this, I gave him everything in the last few weeks of relationship and he hurt me so badly. Has anybody else felt this on their ex's birthday? Does it last? I hate my life right now. Maybe the past few weeks have been a facade to myself...

[smudge21]

You're only a month in... sorry but this healing stuff doesn't happen over night. I'm 6 months on from someone I truly cared for and thought was something special and even though I don't get upset anymore, just every now and then, a thought pops into my head and I remember her. Not who she is now, but the person I met and fell for... the person I thought she was. That's the thing that all dumpees do - we cry for the person we remember, the person we wish they were. That person is long gone, never to return. Only through time and no contact will you start to understand this and begin to truly heal. For now though, let the sadness out, never bottle it in. There's no shame in it as we've all been there. It always gets better.

[Heatemyheart89]

Hey !

It's very early days , everything you feel us normal . Birthdays are hard . I wouldn't let the imagination run too wild , I do that and I am nearly always wrong lol . Things get better .

Take care

[Em2410]

Thanks guys. Your words really help, I was having a low day when I posted this. Things have been a better since, although he still crosses my mind a lot every day. I understand I'm just going through the motions of a heartbreak.

 

I know I was too good to him, I know he treated me badly. I've never had a high self-esteem but I'm tired of feeling not good enough for anyone. I'm just going to try my best to focus on my confidence. :)

[smudge21]

You're good enough for plenty of people and you were good enough for him. Trouble is, as much as we love and want someone, that doesn't mean they feel the same way, no matter how good things seem to be. Just work through the heartbreak, accept the sadness and the bad times, and very slowly you'll start to heal. It always gets better, just in different ways and different times. Stay strong.

[bummer]

Focus also on what he did wrong. What did you contribute? How did you react? Was it rational? Do you have good boundaries and limits with others? Look at concrete facts and actions to discover how you can protect yourself in the future.

 

Good luck grieving. Some suggest setting aside a specific time each day where you let your imagination run, or fake talk with your ex, or just let the flood of emotions and thoughts in all at once. Just make sure you get up after five minutes and keep moving forward.

[Satu]

You're not back at square one, even though it might feel like it.

 

You've been triggered, because of a *previously* significant date. This can happen around a number of dates like anniversaries, etc.

 

I strongly recommend that you go NC and keep away from social media until you're feeling stronger.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

 

You'll be OK.

 

 

Take care.

[Em2410]

Thanks all for your words of wisdom. The weirdest thing happened today, out of nowhere he contacted me. I haven't replied and i'm wondering if I should, not because I want to get back together or have some hope left. I have no desire to be with him anymore, he is a complete stranger to me. He's very stubborn, so for him to message me I am quite surprised. I know he wants to keep me at arms length, perhaps, but I am not blinded by the truth of what his motives are. At the same time however, I am curious as to what his reasons are for messaging me. He initiated the breakup in the first place.

 

Bummer, I have actually thought about the things you've mentioned. I admit I was sometimes hot headed but I always apologized. He basically just ignored me for weeks and treated me like a side chick. I know in the end he just wanted to see if the grass is greener on the other side. When the guy who supposedly loves you doesn't call 3 days after he said he would you know its time to go lol. But you're right, there's more reflection to be done yet. I embrace this

 

Satu, thanks for that advice. I have implemented NC. He's the one who has reached out to me. I don't really feel phased by it if i'm honest. I'm not sure if I can delete him as a friend yet, that'd mean deleting him out of my life forever and I don't think I'm ready to completely commit to that idea yet. He was a big part of my life.

 

So what should I do about his message guys? I really want to reply, but only out of curiosity. Please understand that even if he asked me to, I WOULD NEVER get back with him because I know it would never work out.

[Satu]

snip

So what should I do about his message guys? I really want to reply, but only out of curiosity. Please understand that even if he asked me to, I WOULD NEVER get back with him because I know it would never work out.

 

You can ask yourself these questions:

 

 

If I do reply, what good could come of it?

 

What ill could come of it?

 

 

Then you make your choice.

 

 

Take care.

[Scared2loveagain]

I'm about a month post-breakup, having had NC with my ex since. I've really missed him but up to this point I thought I'd gotten to a place where I was better. I've been trying to work on myself; go gym, spend as much time as I can with friends and so forth. I felt like I was doing everything right.

 

Today is my ex's birthday. I have decided not to send him a text wishing him a happy birthday, and although I feel cold doing this I can't give him the satisfaction that I'm still thinking about him. Despite this, I've woken up this morning crying and I can't seem to control it. I feel like I'm back at day 1 when he said goodbye to me for good. I didn't expect this.

 

I can't help thinking that this time last year we were together celebrating. He didn't have a big social life because of work, I was really the only person he had. I remember making a fuss of him as much as I could but he was a low key guy and I think we just enjoyed being together. Now I know he's got big plans tonight with his new friends and the probable new fling that he has. I can't help thinking I would of been there if it were only a few weeks ago. I was there when he had nobody, and it's his new found social life that is partly the reason he couldn't be bothered with me anymore.

 

I'm not sure what sort of advice i'm really looking for here. I just don't want to be back at square one. I know I don't deserve to feel like this, I gave him everything in the last few weeks of relationship and he hurt me so badly. Has anybody else felt this on their ex's birthday? Does it last? I hate my life right now. Maybe the past few weeks have been a facade to myself...

 

I completely relate with you right now because I am a month into my break up of a 5 year relationship which I gave my all to, heart, mind, body and soul and she still left me because of something that happened in the past and I thought we had gotten past it 3 years later.

 

I don't know if it gets any easier but maybe talking to someone who is feeling exactly how you feel right now might help. Maybe we can help each other, my ex's birthday is coming up in a month and I don't know what I will do when it does come up...... I am afraid for that day to come..

[Bialy]

Talking it out here and with people who are close to you will help a lot during these hard times. Hang in there and stay strong! I know what you're going through. Some days are always better than others.

[Lansing]

He was probably expecting you to reach out and wish him a Happy Birthday. When you didn't, he was probably wondering if you still think about him and wanted to send out "breadcrumbs" to see how you would react/if you would respond.

 

Regardless of what he said, if you have no desire to get back together with him I suggest you don't respond. It sounds like you don't want to be friends with him (and aren't ready for that anyway).

 

As others said, what good would come out of responding?

[Satu]

Here's a clip from my journal, on the subject of "When does the sadness end."

 

 

"The sadness stops when you stop 'sadding.'

 

Thoughts and feelings are behaviours, not something you can't change, like the weather.

 

When you finally decide that you've been through enough, you'll stop."

 

Take care.

[Em2410]

Satu, I will be thinking of those questions all evening. I'm curious but if I'm being real, I don't think I'm going to get an apology and I told myself previously I would not engage with him unless he did express he was sincerely sorry. I just don't want him to feel like he can never come to me later down the line and talk to me because I have basically ignored him? Obviously he has a special place in my heart and I'd hate to make him feel discarded, even if that's how he has made me feel the past few months.

 

Scared2loveagain, I am so sorry to hear you're going through the same sort of situation. I feel your pain, I feel as though I gave everything to my ex too. Myself and all the wonderful people of this forum are here for you day and night if you ever need to talk to someone Are you implementing NC with your ex? It's crucial you start picking yourself up and putting yourself first at this point in time. Are you taking part in any hobbies? sports? going out with your friends? The more I've done these things the better I feel about myself and I think you will too by doing the same

 

Bialy, thank-you for your kind words! I have felt better the past few days, but when you get a bad day it just seems to completely knock you off balance, you know? I do feel like I'm getting stronger though, well slightly at least! I'm excited to see how I might have improved 2 weeks down the line...

 

Lansing, I think you're totally right about it being "breadcrumbs". I was a mess the last time we saw each other and I have not engaged with him since. I'm sure he thought I would of reached out to him by now, but regardless of this I still wonder what his logic is. He didn't want me, so surely me not contacting him would be ideal?

 

 

Basically guys, do you think this is a sign he has actually been thinking of me or is it just to play games by giving me these "breadcrumbs"? I thought he would be completely over me by now and not even think to message me again. That's the impression he gave me when he broke up, that he was completely over it and didn't really care about it...

I want to be friends, just not yet, but if I don't respond, he'll think I hate him...?

Edited September 7, 2016 by Em2410

[Scared2loveagain]

Satu, I will be thinking of those questions all evening. I'm curious but if I'm being real, I don't think I'm going to get an apology and I told myself previously I would not engage with him unless he did express he was sincerely sorry. I just don't want him to feel like he can never come to me later down the line and talk to me because I have basically ignored him? Obviously he has a special place in my heart and I'd hate to make him feel discarded, even if that's how he has made me feel the past few months.

 

Scared2loveagain, I am so sorry to hear you're going through the same sort of situation. I feel your pain, I feel as though I gave everything to my ex too. Myself and all the wonderful people of this forum are here for you day and night if you ever need to talk to someone Are you implementing NC with your ex? It's crucial you start picking yourself up and putting yourself first at this point in time. Are you taking part in any hobbies? sports? going out with your friends? The more I've done these things the better I feel about myself and I think you will too by doing the same

 

Bialy, thank-you for your kind words! I have felt better the past few days, but when you get a bad day it just seems to completely knock you off balance, you know? I do feel like I'm getting stronger though, well slightly at least! I'm excited to see how I might have improved 2 weeks down the line...

 

Lansing, I think you're totally right about it being "breadcrumbs". I was a mess the last time we saw each other and I have not engaged with him since. I'm sure he thought I would of reached out to him by now, but regardless of this I still wonder what his logic is. He didn't want me, so surely me not contacting him would be ideal?

 

 

Basically guys, do you think this is a sign he has been thinking of me or is it just to play games? I thought he would be completely over me by now and not even think to message me again. That's the impression he gave me when he broke up, that he was completely over it and didn't really care about it...

I want to be friends, just not yet, but if I don't respond, he'll think I hate him...?

 

I haven't implemented NC I can't find the strength to leave her by herself. She did the whole let's be friends thing and stupidly hoping I could romance her again agreed to it. There have been recent things that happened that made me even more confused, like her telling me that she is not sure herself where she stands right now or that her biggest fear is that if she lets me go permanently that she won't find another person who will do everything I did for her.

 

I do need to start working on myself because what woman would even look at a man like me the way I am now. My ex left me feeling like I have nothing to offer, like I am boring, like I never understood her, I feel miserable and not gonna lie hate myself. I haven't really stuck myself into society again, I am afraid, afraid that she will see me moving forward as me having lost every bit of love I have for her which honestly that will never go away but I feel that is exactly what she will think and then any chance of possibly working things out will be gone.

 

As far your situation it sounds like he is fishing to see if you care enough to message back, I wouldn't if he really wants you back he will keep trying, eventually saying he is sorry for everything and will do his best to show you he is sorry.

 

I would Private message you but I still can't message you.

[Em2410]

I haven't implemented NC I can't find the strength to leave her by herself. She did the whole let's be friends thing and stupidly hoping I could romance her again agreed to it. There have been recent things that happened that made me even more confused, like her telling me that she is not sure herself where she stands right now or that her biggest fear is that if she lets me go permanently that she won't find another person who will do everything I did for her.

 

I do need to start working on myself because what woman would even look at a man like me the way I am now. My ex left me feeling like I have nothing to offer, like I am boring, like I never understood her, I feel miserable and not gonna lie hate myself. I haven't really stuck myself into society again, I am afraid, afraid that she will see me moving forward as me having lost every bit of love I have for her which honestly that will never go away but I feel that is exactly what she will think and then any chance of possibly working things out will be gone.

 

As far your situation it sounds like he is fishing to see if you care enough to message back, I wouldn't if he really wants you back he will keep trying, eventually saying he is sorry for everything and will do his best to show you he is sorry.

 

I would Private message you but I still can't message you.

Scared2loveagain, by the sounds of what she's saying to you, knowing how much you still love her, I think she's being really selfish. I would never tell someone who I know is madly in love with me that I'm undecided about having them in my life or not. Don't let her make you feel miserable because she's confused about what she wants. You have so much to offer someone and never let anybody else make you feel otherwise!

 

I know this is so much easier to say than do, but you need to cut her out. She doesn't deserve you if she's treating you this way. Anyone who loves you would not put you through this pain after having ended it. Pamper yourself, do things you've always wanted to do, start working out... make her look at you and think wow, that guy is stronger than I thought he was. It may not bring her back, but you will feel a hell of a lot better by doing these things I promise you!!!

 

Nobody knows what the future has in store for us. You could be with her in the future, maybe you won't, maybe you'll end up being good friends, maybe you'll never see her again... but for this moment in time, you are not meant to be together, because everyone has their own path. Paths can overlap at certain stages in a journey, but sometimes they bend away into different directions completely. Concentrate on your own journey because this is now your time to do great things!!

 

I am not sure how to private message myself i'm afraid (i'm relatively new to this too lol) but we can talk here in the meantime!

[srhxo]

Hey there. I agree with everyone else that it is still very early in the "post-breakup" part. Its been almost two months since my ex broke things off with me and his birthday is also coming up next week and I've been wondering how I'm going to feel about it. I completely understand not being able to delete him as a friend yet, I'm in the same boat. I'd recommend hiding his posts at least. That's what I had to do because I couldn't deal with seeing his posts about how happy and wonderful he is while I'm still struggling. I only just got around to deleting him off of snapchat a couple weeks ago and since then he hasn't bothered trying to contact me at all, which I suppose is a good thing. Things like that really kill their ego.

 

You have to try your best to not think about him being out with other people. It'll just continue to make you feel awful. I know it's easier said than done, unfortunately. As for the message, if you really want to reply, go ahead. But make sure you ask yourself if the outcome is worth indulging in your own curiosity. The last time my ex and I spoke, he gave me "breadcrumbs" and I went against my better judgement and responded, only to go back to him ignoring me. In the end, it wasn't worth it and set me back quite a bit.

 

As many others have already said, you're going to feel sad for a while. It comes in waves for me. I've had to avoid a lot of things that remind me of my ex. I even made a new netflix account because all the shows that were on my "recently watched" list were things we watched together. Probably sounds silly, but you never realize how little things like that can put a damper on your progress.

 

You're doing the right thing by going out with your friends and taking time for yourself. But don't forget to let yourself "feel" when you need to. I hope you feel better soon. <3

[privategal]

Please stay strong and ignore his breadcrumb message.

Do not reply.

This is someone who treated you poorly and without care.

Silence speaks volumes and you being strong enough not to "bite" his fishing attempt will help you regain your self esteem and dignity. Keep moving.

He WAS a big part of your life.

He let you go.

He treated you badly.

Block him to heal completely.

No ties your not going back.

You owe nothing to him, only kindness and love to yourself after going through this.

[Em2410]

Hi guys, thanks for all your advice. Although part of me does want to respond to him, I've decided that I will be ignoring it. I've come a long way compared to what I was like a few weeks ago and I don't want to sabotage my progress. A part of me hopes he will send another message telling me that he misses me and he's sorry... although I doubt that will ever happen.

 

 

srhxo, thanks for your lovely comment, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Great to hear that you've deleted him off of snapchat! I think that's partly why I want to ignore this message he has sent me, because I'm thinking perhaps it will bring down his ego! I can relate to the 'little things dampening our progress' idea... for me, it's when certain songs play on the radio. I have avoided the radio at all costs the past few weeks because of this! You sound like you're doing really well, and I hope that you feel better soon also. We can do this!!

 

privategal, thanks for your comment. What you said has really struck a cord with me, that 'silence speaks volumes'. I want to show him, through my actions, that he's lost a good thing and that I'm not coming back like I've done many times in the past. Breadcrumbs will not wash with me!

[Scared2loveagain]

Scared2loveagain, by the sounds of what she's saying to you, knowing how much you still love her, I think she's being really selfish. I would never tell someone who I know is madly in love with me that I'm undecided about having them in my life or not. Don't let her make you feel miserable because she's confused about what she wants. You have so much to offer someone and never let anybody else make you feel otherwise!

 

I know this is so much easier to say than do, but you need to cut her out. She doesn't deserve you if she's treating you this way. Anyone who loves you would not put you through this pain after having ended it. Pamper yourself, do things you've always wanted to do, start working out... make her look at you and think wow, that guy is stronger than I thought he was. It may not bring her back, but you will feel a hell of a lot better by doing these things I promise you!!!

 

Nobody knows what the future has in store for us. You could be with her in the future, maybe you won't, maybe you'll end up being good friends, maybe you'll never see her again... but for this moment in time, you are not meant to be together, because everyone has their own path. Paths can overlap at certain stages in a journey, but sometimes they bend away into different directions completely. Concentrate on your own journey because this is now your time to do great things!!

 

I am not sure how to private message myself i'm afraid (i'm relatively new to this too lol) but we can talk here in the meantime!

 

I wish I could find a way to cut her off, it has been so difficult because I want her to always be around. We were to be married next month and now October is just a month that will bring me so much pain, her birthday, our anniversary, and what was to be our wedding month.

 

I wish we could talk often because I really need help through this. I find myself crying day in and day out, work is so hard right now because I am going to break into tears at random moments. I loved her so much, I still love her so much, she was my world, my everything. I didn't want to give up without a fight but what on earth am I still fighting for, she basically said I am not what she wants but is holding onto me from fear that she won't find anybody that will do what I do for her? wtf, I am mad, furious even but yet my love for her nulls all this anger and turns it into sadness, depression, regret. I should have loved her better, gave her more attention, gave her all of me the way she gave me all of her.

[Em2410]

I wish I could find a way to cut her off, it has been so difficult because I want her to always be around. We were to be married next month and now October is just a month that will bring me so much pain, her birthday, our anniversary, and what was to be our wedding month.

 

I wish we could talk often because I really need help through this. I find myself crying day in and day out, work is so hard right now because I am going to break into tears at random moments. I loved her so much, I still love her so much, she was my world, my everything. I didn't want to give up without a fight but what on earth am I still fighting for, she basically said I am not what she wants but is holding onto me from fear that she won't find anybody that will do what I do for her? wtf, I am mad, furious even but yet my love for her nulls all this anger and turns it into sadness, depression, regret. I should have loved her better, gave her more attention, gave her all of me the way she gave me all of her.

I'm so sorry to here that I really am. It's devastating. It will be a tough month, but believe you are a strong individual with so much to offer the world outside of this relationship you have with your ex. There will be low days, no doubt about it, but when they come try focus on the fact that however many days, weeks, months down the line, you will be a much better version of yourself and you'll have so much to look forward to. I know she has been important to you in your life up to this point, but think-- you lived before her and you will 100% be able to live without her again in the future.

 

Try put yourself before her and her feelings for a change. It will take time before you may reach this point, but when you do put some TLC into yourself and your well being. Gym was a great start for me, I've never been massively into my fitness but I started going with the thought..."I'm going to get myself looking so good that when my ex see's me next he's going to wish he never gave me up!"... Now however I'm exercising more because I want to improve myself and my own confidence. It's now something I do for myself rather than my ex. You don't have to work out to get this, you can take up a new hobby/skill, cook a new recipe, start playing an instrument, going out with your friends and talking about things other than your ex... every little thing helps!

 

Running to her and pouring out your feelings about how much you miss her WILL NOT make her come back. If she does come back, it won't last. Well, I can't say that for certain, but in her mind she doesn't want to be with you right now because if she did she would do anything to be with you and make you happy. It's so unfair for her to toy with your emotions by making you feel like she's undecided about things. No man/woman is worth all that stress... if someone loves you truly they will do anything to be with you and make you happy. They will also respect you, and respect isn't toying with someone and their feelings for the sake of their own!

 

I am by no means over my ex and I have a long way to go... but I know I have improved so much since the first week of my break-up (currently in week 5) and I promise you will too if you do whats right by you and you alone. Take care x

Edited September 9, 2016 by Em2410

[DarrenB]

Never give your ex the benefit of the doubt, especially if you were the one to keep it going on a positive note.

 

Birthday's are just a milestone for them, like anything else. They are not a part of your life anymore, so nothing that involves them should ultimately involve you in any way.

 

You may want to be civil, send a message her and there. But don't give them that type of closure. They simply don't deserve it.

 

I'm quite young, so I definitely wouldn't ever consider what I say factually correct or anything, but going by past experience I can tell you it definitely doesn't help the matter, and doesn't help you at all either.

 

Move on, find that person again who is right for you, and focus on that future.

 

Don't dwell on the past, don't grieve over his non-existence in your life.

[NIGHT1985]

I wish I could find a way to cut her off, it has been so difficult because I want her to always be around. We were to be married next month and now October is just a month that will bring me so much pain, her birthday, our anniversary, and what was to be our wedding month.

 

I wish we could talk often because I really need help through this. I find myself crying day in and day out, work is so hard right now because I am going to break into tears at random moments. I loved her so much, I still love her so much, she was my world, my everything. I didn't want to give up without a fight but what on earth am I still fighting for, she basically said I am not what she wants but is holding onto me from fear that she won't find anybody that will do what I do for her? wtf, I am mad, furious even but yet my love for her nulls all this anger and turns it into sadness, depression, regret. I should have loved her better, gave her more attention, gave her all of me the way she gave me all of her.

 

This really breaks my heart to read. You deserve so much better than this. Please don't wait around and be her fall back option, while she explores other pastures.

 

And if you did want her back, you wouldn't get her back from staying where you're at and moping. When I started working on myself and my flaws, my ex got extremely jealous, making comments like "you're bettering yourself so much for the next girl, it's not fair that I was a stepping stone". But I made a mistake and took those comments to heart and chased her too hard, add that in with my jealously of her new guy, I pushed her away for good.

 

But if you work on yourself for yourself, not only will you look more appealing to your ex, but it'll help you attract other women too. Try to use that to motivate you.

Edited September 9, 2016 by NIGHT1985

[Em2410]

Thanks, DarrenB. You're totally right. He deserves no closure. We broke up me being the one to try salvage something from it, however I'm hoping now, with the lack of contact I've had with him on my part, that he'll soon realize he's lost someone who has only ever looked out for him and his best interests. I cannot say, on reflection, that he has always had the same manner towards me-- this demonstrated through his actions the past few weeks. It sucks to think of things like this but it's my reality I guess.

 

Guys, I've been talking to a few new guys the past 2 weeks and I'm unsure whether or not I should continue with this? Don't get me wrong, it's really nice to have some attention, it makes me feel like I've still got something that guys like lol. I'm just wondering if I'm going too fast? I feel like I could be okay with going on a date or two, but I have had the occasional low day here and there. Anyone who has been in this position before, how long did you wait before you started dating again?

[srhxo]

Thanks, DarrenB. You're totally right. He deserves no closure. We broke up me being the one to try salvage something from it, however I'm hoping now, with the lack of contact I've had with him on my part, that he'll soon realize he's lost someone who has only ever looked out for him and his best interests. I cannot say, on reflection, that he has always had the same manner towards me-- this demonstrated through his actions the past few weeks. It sucks to think of things like this but it's my reality I guess.

 

Guys, I've been talking to a few new guys the past 2 weeks and I'm unsure whether or not I should continue with this? Don't get me wrong, it's really nice to have some attention, it makes me feel like I've still got something that guys like lol. I'm just wondering if I'm going too fast? I feel like I could be okay with going on a date or two, but I have had the occasional low day here and there. Anyone who has been in this position before, how long did you wait before you started dating again?

 

Personally, I would wait a little longer before you start dating. I think anything this early on would just be a rebound. I'm barely at the two month mark of my breakup and I talk to guys here and there but whenever they try to make plans, I always make up an excuse because I know I'm not ready. I think talking to guys and going out with them are two totally different things. Getting attention is always nice but that's usually as far as I will let it go. But that's your call!