Hope

[winterkeep]

Hello, it's been a long time since I've posted here although some of you may recall me. Very quick recap for the newbies, I met MM who pretended to be single, we were together for a significant period of time (he lives apart from wife); I found out at the same time I discovered I was pregnant. I did not have the baby.

 

I sincerely believe MM is a malignant narcissist based on a large cluster of behaviours and have tried to maintain NC for quite some time. He still tries to get in, even to the point of changing numbers, one of his latest tricks was to email me pornographic videos of women sleeping with multiple men to tell me that I'm promiscuous (pointless as I don't believe a women's sexuality defines her as promiscuous and at 35 have only had 4 partners anyway).

 

The good news is that I really no longer care, yes it took some time but believe me if you put in the work you will recover from this.

 

I waited some time but have started dating again and have met a possibility and a lot of nice, decent (single!) men along the way too. Even better though I am once again happy and settled in my life, the things that used to make me happy do so again and time on my own without distraction passes easily.

 

In the initial stages I threw myself into fitness, yoga, work and meditation although had moments of overeating, spending and drinking -these have passed now. It was hard for quite some time, actually! More like soul destroyingly devastating but he no longer takes up my thoughts and his calls or messages make me feel exasperated more than anything else.

 

I just wanted all of you who are struggling with NC to know that you can and will get better if you put the effort into your own lives. For those of you still struggling in affairs - there is real peace and contentment waiting for you; the turmoil, pain and uncertainty are not a normal state in which to live your lives. Just get out, honestly thats the best advice I can give you from the other side.

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Edited September 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[Poppy47]

Hello, it's been a long time since I've posted here although some of you may recall me. Very quick recap for the newbies, I met MM who pretended to be single, we were together for a significant period of time (he lives apart from wife); I found out at the same time I discovered I was pregnant. I did not have the baby.

 

I sincerely believe MM is a malignant narcissist based on a large cluster of behaviours and have tried to maintain NC for quite some time. He still tries to get in, even to the point of changing numbers, one of his latest tricks was to email me pornographic videos of women sleeping with multiple men to tell me that I'm promiscuous (pointless as I don't believe a women's sexuality defines her as promiscuous and at 35 have only had 4 partners anyway).

 

The good news is that I really no longer care, yes it took some time but believe me if you put in the work you will recover from this.

 

I waited some time but have started dating again and have met a possibility and a lot of nice, decent (single!) men along the way too. Even better though I am once again happy and settled in my life, the things that used to make me happy do so again and time on my own without distraction passes easily.

 

In the initial stages I threw myself into fitness, yoga, work and meditation although had moments of overeating, spending and drinking -these have passed now. It was hard for quite some time, actually! More like soul destroyingly devastating but he no longer takes up my thoughts and his calls or messages make me feel exasperated more than anything else.

 

I just wanted all of you who are struggling with NC to know that you can and will get better if you put the effort into your own lives. For those of you still struggling in affairs - there is real peace and contentment waiting for you; the turmoil, pain and uncertainty are not a normal state in which to live your lives. Just get out, honestly thats the best advice I can give you from the other side.

 

I certainly do remember you Winterkeep. It's great to hear you are recovering well.

I am also. I hope everybody takes heart from you post.

 

Can you take legal action against xMM for stalking you ? Perhaps you don't think it worth it any longer.

Well done.

Poppy.

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Edited September 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language in quote~T

[rainbowsandkittens]

I am so glad to hear this! I also did a lot of eating (didn't help that I quit smoking at the same time) and overspent. Right now I'm in the working out and dieting phase. Which feels pretty good. I'm still sad but I know that there's a light on the other side.

 

Also happy to hear you met someone special and that you've dated good men!

[imsosad]

I'm so pleased you are past this. Good on you, you should be proud of yourself!

[RedOlive]

It was hard for quite some time, actually! More like soul destroyingly devastating but he no longer takes up my thoughts and his calls or messages make me feel exasperated more than anything else.

 

Thank you for sharing, winterkeep. It is a much needed message of optimism. I'm in strict NC for over 3mo and every few weeks just when it looks like things are finally turning for the better I experience a major setback. The devastation those cause is equivalent to the intense breakdowns I've lived through right after ending the A. Don't even know these days exactly what my triggers are, must be something subtle. Today is one of those uber crappy days, and your message is exactly that - a ray of hope.

 

P.S. In another thread a poster noted (i'm sorry i don't remember who) stress hair shedding in her post-A mess. That is the worst! I'm living a healthy lifestyle and, but the hair loss is reaching a critical level. I'm starting to look how I feel. Anyone had a similar problem and fixed it? winterkeep, did you have to deal with any physical aspects of your healing in any way that is similar?

Edited September 3, 2016 by RedOlive

[winterkeep]

Thank you for the very kind replies, I am so pleased to learn that my post helped some of you .

 

Poppy I am so pleased to hear that you are recovering well! I have not taken legal action at this point as it would be difficult given that we are in different countries and his messages really don't bother me that much. He tries all sorts of angles to get to me from nostalgic texts, messages that appear to promise a future to abusive ones, they cycle without much of a pattern and I believe that any reaction is all he's after from me to prove to himself that he can still influence me in some regard.

 

His behaviour is text book narc and it really just clarifies everything I had begun to suspect about him, it help me more than anything else as I've started to view him as the broken, petulant child that he is and not as the perfect, loving but false facade he presented himself as in the beginning.

 

Rainbows, there is definitely light on the other side I think it starts to become clearer and clearer once you reach the positive phase that you are in now.

 

RedOlive, am so sorry to hear of the pain that you continue to be in. 3 months NC is a huge achievement and you should be proud of yourself, the triggers and return to depression are normal. I'm not sure what purpose they serve, I had one major relapse into pain that lasted days before I really started to heal so maybe they help in some way.

 

I've not had any major physical reactions such as losing hair, that you are suffering this is concerning to me. I'm not aware of your story but NO ONE is worth the pain you're in, what are you doing to deal with the anxiety?

 

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, eventually you will start to notice that you take pleasure and find peace in the small things again. 3 months is not a very long time in the scheme of things. What activities are you doing to help you heal?