moongoddess Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 I've been going out with my boyf for about 2 months now. We both have had different histories with relationships. This is his first commited relationship whereas I've had a number of long term relationships. I wouldn't describe myself as needy, but I am affectionate and I like to be told I'm loved and wanted, and I like to receive affection back without first initiating it myself. My boyfriend and I discussed this and he told me he doesn't need to be told he is loved - he knows I love him and he doesn't need to be told as I often as me. He also said that he doesn't feel the need to kiss me as much as I kiss him. He feels like I'm smothering him. I feel like we are complete opposites. Can this relationship possibly work out? I know it is early days, but I just can't rise above this. Thanks, Moon.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Can you see or imagine some kind of compromise whereby he does things, not for his own needs, but to satisfy yours? And vice-versa? Any relationship without compromise is doomed, IMO.
scratch Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by moongoddess My boyfriend and I discussed this and he told me he doesn't need to be told he is loved - he knows I love him and he doesn't need to be told as I often as me. He also said that he doesn't feel the need to kiss me as much as I kiss him. He feels like I'm smothering him. I feel like we are complete opposites. Can this relationship possibly work out? I know it is early days, but I just can't rise above this. Do his actions indicate that he loves you? If so, why isn't that enough? Why do you, or anyone, "need to be told" they're loved? I'm sure if you ask him to say the words once or twice a day, he'd have no problem obliging - it's a small thing to do. But I happen to think that would cheapen it. You need to deal with your own insecurity.
moimeme Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Go get yourself a copy of the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It explains partners' differing needs in a relationship and how they can be met.
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