Author leogirl876 Posted September 2, 2016 Author Posted September 2, 2016 I doubt he is nervous. He has no reason to be. He has plans for dinner Saturday night. He will firm up exactly when and where 'ahead of time'. The only thing he apparently has to worry about is his date flaking out on him for no good reason. I'm not flaking for no reason! I'm flaking because he's not doing what he said. What woman who respects herself is gonna wait around for some guy that she's never even met yet, only talked to on the phone. Seriously, my time is limited, I work full-time and go to school, so I'm not gonna wait around for someone who's taking too long. 1
h0000 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 You cant expect him to be very interested in you since you never even met.. If you want him to pursue you, you have to at least show him what you've got. I wouldn't mind texting him to confirm the plans and make that first date happen. 3
Romantic Gentleman Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 You've made it clear you find it unattractive for him not making plans already, so if you don't think he's worth your time, move on. 4
angel.eyes Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Who contacted who first online? Also, who first suggested meeting up? Regardless, I don't think he's that interested. You're having difficulty even meeting for a first date! 1
Author leogirl876 Posted September 2, 2016 Author Posted September 2, 2016 Who contacted who first online? Also, who first suggested meeting up? Regardless, I don't think he's that interested. You're having difficulty even meeting for a first date! He contacted me first online, and he asked me out.
Arieswoman Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 I'm in your corner on this one Leogirl, we Fire Signs like to see a bit of action from a guy! If the dinner date was supposed to be this Sat I would definitely make new plans now as he seems a bit lukewarm. As well as that I think it's just plain bad manners not to give confirmation of an arrangement in good time - and that for me would be by Thursday at the latest. I'd carry on with your own plans and if he does call Fri say " I was really looking forward to meeting you but when you didn't confirm in good time I assumed that you weren't interested, and made other plans. I would still like to meet you so would you like to schedule for x day?" If he agrees say "OK, but can you confirm by y day?" - then he knows how he stands. You need to make it clear from Day One that your aren't Instant Coffee so you aren't instantly available ! Setting boundaries won't stop guys flaking on you, but it cut the cr@p out of your life ! 4
Sthrngem87 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 I think you're right to make other plans. We teach ppl to value our time. I don't date guys who make last minute plans either especially when it's early on and that has never stopped me from meeting awesome men. You're avoiding spending time with someone you're probably not compatible with. When you're a busy person your concept of time is much different from someone who really has nothing else to do. Some men can get on board with that and will make plans if you ask them to. 3
h0000 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 How does this thread have anything to do with man being aggressive/take actions? I mean, just because the guy didn't contact OP doesn't mean he is aggressive, or lack of. Could just mean he isn't interested doesn't it? 2
angel.eyes Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Doesn't matter, does it? Since either results in the same outcome, the precise "why" for his lack of follow-through is irrelevant. If he's lost interest, and has flaked, it's a non-starter. If he just lacks initiative or is disorganized and a terrible planner, that's unappealing to her, which is also a non-starter. It doesn't change what she should do. 2
TXGuy Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 The results are the same outcome. He might be a man of his word. He set a hard and fast date and he intends to stick to it. He likely will fill in the details ahead of time. But, apparently he will get flaked on. Unfortunate, but it happens a lot in the modern world. Women agree to a date and flake. For whatever silly reason they concoct. If he is under 30, this will happen a lot and he will have to deal with it. If he is over 35, it will happen much less often and he will learn to avoid the nutcases. 1
aussietigerwolf Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 I don't think the op is a flake or a nutcase. I'd be concerned too if a guy had made a date but days later I hadn't heard anything from him let alone details of when and where for the date. Op, just send him a text. If he ignores you then make other plans. The results are the same outcome. He might be a man of his word. He set a hard and fast date and he intends to stick to it. He likely will fill in the details ahead of time. But, apparently he will get flaked on. Unfortunate, but it happens a lot in the modern world. Women agree to a date and flake. For whatever silly reason they concoct. If he is under 30, this will happen a lot and he will have to deal with it. If he is over 35, it will happen much less often and he will learn to avoid the nutcases.
h0000 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Doesn't matter, does it? Since either results in the same outcome, the precise "why" for his lack of follow-through is irrelevant. If he's lost interest, and has flaked, it's a non-starter. If he just lacks initiative or is disorganized and a terrible planner, that's unappealing to her, which is also a non-starter. It doesn't change what she should do. However there is no one answer as what she should do. She can start make other plans, or she can text him and ask? Yes he doesn't have super high interest but as I said, OP hasn't shown him what she's got yet. Not all strangers will woo you and that's fair enough.
Arieswoman Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 hoooooo, Not all strangers will woo you and that's fair enough. I don't think the OP wants "wooing" at this stage. What she does want and deserve, is a guy who makes definite plans in good time. I personally think she should let this one go and move on. 2
h0000 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 hoooooo, I don't think the OP wants "wooing" at this stage. What she does want and deserve, is a guy who makes definite plans in good time. I personally think she should let this one go and move on. If I like a guy I would at least make that 1st date happen. He could be very busy and he doesn't know what kind of girl is waiting for him so he is not prioritising her. But it is very possible after the date he is smitten and steps up. So what's the harm text him and confirm? If he is still lukewarm after a date the of course drop him.
Arieswoman Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 hoooo, I would agree with you if she had already met him socially. But in this sitch I'm not sure if OP "likes" him or not (sorry OP to talk about you as if you weren't here ) This is a stranger who she's been texting who she know little about. IMO If he can't get a dinner date organised in good time it doesn't bode well. 1
kendahke Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 (edited) Exactly!!! I'm used to men when they set up a date, to let me know when and where and then confirming a day or two in advance. The ones that don't are ones that are too passive! If this is the case, then text him and tell him you're no longer available then block him so you don't have to listen to it. Why can't/won't you do that? You don't want to seem mean? Tearing him down to strangers is rather mean, too. He's showing you that he's not the kind of guy you need to be happy in a relationship. Why even go further with him when you've already got a laundry list of where/how he falls short and you haven't even had a face to face conversation with him? Unless you're angling for a free meal... Edited September 2, 2016 by kendahke 1
angel.eyes Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Sorry h0000, but chasing after a guy who is barely interested is a complete waste of time. Yes you like him. Yes, you're convinced that he'll be totally smitten by you if only he would just give you a chance to show him how super awesome you are...and then you'll ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Unfortunately it takes two, not just you! Of course he's really busy in your example...really busy prioritizing everything under the sun ahead of you because he's not interested! Reality is, if he won't make time to date you, and when he finally does is coming back with details at the eleventh hour, you'll be the one putting in all the effort to get any date out of him. He'll squeeze you in if you insist when he has nothing better going on and no opportunities on the horizon. No doubt you've had guys interested in you where interest wasn't mutual. Did their extra efforts to sell themselves change your mind? Or just turn you off further. Chase after a guy who's barely interested. Sure you may eventually get that date out of him. Work harder still and you might even snag a second. He may even sleep with you. But if you're looking for him to be eager to see you, to move things along, and to take the initiative...as the OP prefers...you'll be sorely disappointed. You aren't going to land in a relationship with him from that starting point. If I like a guy I would at least make that 1st date happen. He could be very busy and he doesn't know what kind of girl is waiting for him so he is not prioritising her. But it is very possible after the date he is smitten and steps up. So what's the harm text him and confirm? If he is still lukewarm after a date the of course drop him. 1
Author leogirl876 Posted September 2, 2016 Author Posted September 2, 2016 If this is the case, then text him and tell him you're no longer available then block him so you don't have to listen to it. Why can't/won't you do that? You don't want to seem mean? Tearing him down to strangers is rather mean, too. He's showing you that he's not the kind of guy you need to be happy in a relationship. Why even go further with him when you've already got a laundry list of where/how he falls short and you haven't even had a face to face conversation with him? Unless you're angling for a free meal... A free meal? Seriously? I'm not gonna waste my time for a free meal. I'm quite capable of buying my own food. That's what girls do when they're in high school or college,not as adults. 1
h0000 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 (edited) Sorry h0000, but chasing after a guy who is barely interested is a complete waste of time. Yes you like him. Yes, you're convinced that he'll be totally smitten by you if only he would just give you a chance to show him how super awesome you are...and then you'll ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Unfortunately it takes two, not just you! Of course he's really busy in your example...really busy prioritizing everything under the sun ahead of you because he's not interested! Reality is, if he won't make time to date you, and when he finally does is coming back with details at the eleventh hour, you'll be the one putting in all the effort to get any date out of him. He'll squeeze you in if you insist when he has nothing better going on and no opportunities on the horizon. No doubt you've had guys interested in you where interest wasn't mutual. Did their extra efforts to sell themselves change your mind? Or just turn you off further. Chase after a guy who's barely interested. Sure you may eventually get that date out of him. Work harder still and you might even snag a second. He may even sleep with you. But if you're looking for him to be eager to see you, to move things along, and to take the initiative...as the OP prefers...you'll be sorely disappointed. You aren't going to land in a relationship with him from that starting point. Just to answer your question , yes I had multipal occasions where I wasn't too interested talking online but totally changed my mind after meeting them in person. How is a little text to confirm the date "chasing"? And maybe he will just tell you "hey sorry can't make it " then you have your answer. Posting questions here wondering about him is a bigger "waste of time "don't you think ? if you just want to write him off now that's ok too. Stop thinking about him for one more second and don't change your mind if he texts you Saturday morning with details. Can you do that then? Edited September 2, 2016 by h0000 1
Miss Peach Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 At this point I really don't know if he is just a last minute planner or uninterested. My rule is if I don't have firm plans the day before I make other plans. If he does come through I make an offer on a different date on my calendar. Since being able to plan my time is important to me, if the guy can't do this a few times I just tell him it's not a match and move on. 2
kendahke Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 A free meal? Seriously? I'm not gonna waste my time for a free meal. I'm quite capable of buying my own food. That's what girls do when they're in high school or college,not as adults. So you've blocked him and are going out with your girls on Saturday, right? You're not still waiting around for him to call you, since he falls so far short of your expectations, are you? I'm really not seeing what is the big problem here. He's not what you want, so why waste all this energy winding yourself up into a state when all you have to do is block his number and go out with your girls. 1
katiegrl Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 So you've blocked him and are going out with your girls on Saturday, right? You're not still waiting around for him to call you, since he falls so far short of your expectations, are you? I'm really not seeing what is the big problem here. He's not what you want, so why waste all this energy winding yourself up into a state when all you have to do is block his number and go out with your girls. Why block his number?? Isn't that a bit extreme? If he calls today to confirm, she can simply say she is no longer interested and call it a day. Or perhaps hearing from him will spark her interest again, and she can go on the date. Be open, be FLEXIBLE! Dating is so much more fun when you lower all the rigid expectations, and remain open and flexible. My $.02.
Author leogirl876 Posted September 3, 2016 Author Posted September 3, 2016 Any update Leogirl? Yes, so he got in touch yesterday morning, which was the day before, so I'm going to go out with him tonight. 1
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