leogirl876 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 So there's this guy that I've messaged back & forth, texted and talked with over the phone that I met on OLD. We had planned on meeting sooner but our schedules have been hectic with both of us finishing grad school. We texted back & forth on Monday and decided to make plans Saturday night to go out to dinner. I said in my text to let me know where and when and he said ok. That was Monday afternoon, and it's now Thursday and haven't heard anything from him. I'm thinking about making other plans but wondering how long some of you wait to do that? We haven't been out on a first date yet so I'm not going to reach out to him first. I'm thinking if I don't hear anything from him tonight, I'm going to make plans on Saturday with a girlfriend. What are your thoughts?
central Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I'd make other plans now, and if he does contact you, say that you thought he'd blown you off so you're doing something else. You could suggest another specific time, and ask him to contact you by a certain day if he wants to do something. This sends two messages: don't take me for granted, and I will give you another chance to get it right. I always try to have an alternate plan when dating, because so many people flake on you. 3
kendahke Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 (edited) I'd send one more text saying I was looking forward to our plans on Saturday, to let me know by Friday afternoon what's up and leave it at that. The reason why is because you didn't tell him by what day/time to get back to you. If he doesn't respond by Friday afternoon, I'd block him, first, then delete his number--so it stays blocked even if its gone-- and make other plans and never think about him ever again. Edited September 1, 2016 by kendahke 3
katiegrl Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 (edited) So there's this guy that I've messaged back & forth, texted and talked with over the phone that I met on OLD. We had planned on meeting sooner but our schedules have been hectic with both of us finishing grad school. We texted back & forth on Monday and decided to make plans Saturday night to go out to dinner. I said in my text to let me know where and when and he said ok. That was Monday afternoon, and it's now Thursday and haven't heard anything from him. I'm thinking about making other plans but wondering how long some of you wait to do that? We haven't been out on a first date yet so I'm not going to reach out to him first. I'm thinking if I don't hear anything from him tonight, I'm going to make plans on Saturday with a girlfriend. What are your thoughts? There was another thread not too long ago discussing this very thing. I will look for the link, it may be helpful in your situation too. Same exact scenario even, asked her out on a Monday for Saturday. She had not heard from him by Thursday and wanted to make other plans.. She got all pissy and wanted to blow him off. Made another plan for Saturday night. Turned out he contacted her Saturday morn at like 7:00 am so she did both. Met the friends earlier and him later for dinner. Except there wasn't any chemistry on the actual date.... which also pissed her off as she wondered why he bothered asking her out at all. Anyway, my question is do you have a definite date on Saturday? Or did you guys leave it tentative? If it's a definite date, I would NOT make other plans. To make other plans at this point without telling him is just rude. Trust that you will hear from him. If you are unclear about that and/or want to firm things up, shoot him a text. Edited September 1, 2016 by katiegrl
basil67 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 If you want confirmation, tell him that you're looking forward to it and ask what the plans are. Showing enthusiasm is a good thing - besides he might be wondering why you haven't taken any contact initiative either. If you don't want to contact him, I'd wait till Saturday afternoon before making new plans.
Author leogirl876 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 There was another thread not too long ago discussing this very thing. I will look for the link, it may be helpful in your situation too. Same exact scenario even, asked her out on a Monday for Saturday. She had not heard from him by Thursday and wanted to make other plans.. She got all pissy and wanted to blow him off. Made another plan for Saturday night. Turned out he contacted her Saturday morn at like 7:00 am so she did both. Met the friends earlier and him later for dinner. Except there wasn't any chemistry on the actual date.... which also pissed her off as she wondered why he bothered asking her out at all. Anyway, my question is do you have a definite date on Saturday? Or did you guys leave it tentative? If it's a definite date, I would NOT make other plans. To make other plans at this point without telling him is just rude. Trust that you will hear from him. If you are unclear about that and/or want to firm things up, shoot him a text. Yes, it was definite plans, he said how about dinner Saturday night and I said yes. I said to let me know a time and place and he said ok. Thing is, I hate reaching out to a guy when it's in the beginning, this would be our first date. I really like men that take the initiative and tell me ahead of time where and when. I hate this waiting around stuff.
katiegrl Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 (edited) Yes, it was definite plans, he said how about dinner Saturday night and I said yes. I said to let me know a time and place and he said ok. Thing is, I hate reaching out to a guy when it's in the beginning, this would be our first date. I really like men that take the initiative and tell me ahead of time where and when. I hate this waiting around stuff. I hear ya. In fact, in my experience, after making the date, he would have continued texting me, and we would be exchanging texts all week, up until the date. But dating is very confusing now I am finding. No doubt he is multi dating (which is fine at this point, you haven't even had one date yet). But there's a chance he may have met someone he really clicked with and decided to pursue her exclusively, so it's best to hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. That's probably not very encouraging is it!! LOL But frankly I find it odd he hasn't texted you at all since making the date. That hasn't been my experience, even now. Edited September 1, 2016 by katiegrl 2
TXGuy Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 If there are firm plans for the date (as you have said), assume the time is around 7pm and the place is the. Sometimes guys forget how complex dressing can be for women. For us, it is either jeans and shirt or slacks and a collared shirt. Either way, it doesn't take us any time to dress.
Author leogirl876 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 If there are firm plans for the date (as you have said), assume the time is around 7pm and the place is the. Sometimes guys forget how complex dressing can be for women. For us, it is either jeans and shirt or slacks and a collared shirt. Either way, it doesn't take us any time to dress. I think if I haven't heard from him by tomorrow afternoon, I'm making other plans. This is annoying to me. My time is limited and very valuable to me. All the plans were was Saturday evening, I never got a time or place from him and that was 3 days ago. This laid back attitude of his isn't what I'm looking for when it comes to dating. I like men who make their intent clear, not this passive crap. Maybe he found someone else, and that's great for him, but I'm not about to be left in limbo. Next please! 3
basil67 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I think if I haven't heard from him by tomorrow afternoon, I'm making other plans. This is annoying to me. My time is limited and very valuable to me. All the plans were was Saturday evening, I never got a time or place from him and that was 3 days ago. This laid back attitude of his isn't what I'm looking for when it comes to dating. I like men who make their intent clear, not this passive crap. Maybe he found someone else, and that's great for him, but I'm not about to be left in limbo. Next please! Leogirl, it's not in your nature to be proactive or initiate showing interest when it comes to dating?
katiegrl Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I think if I haven't heard from him by tomorrow afternoon, I'm making other plans. This is annoying to me. My time is limited and very valuable to me. All the plans were was Saturday evening, I never got a time or place from him and that was 3 days ago. This laid back attitude of his isn't what I'm looking for when it comes to dating. I like men who make their intent clear, not this passive crap. Maybe he found someone else, and that's great for him, but I'm not about to be left in limbo. Next please! Well said, and wholeheartedly agree! And not that this means anything, but my Venus (the Goddess of Love) is in Leo... so I can definitely relate! 1
Author leogirl876 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 Leogirl, it's not in your nature to be proactive or initiate showing interest when it comes to dating? Not at least until we've been on 1-2 dates, and I'll still want him to do more of the reaching out in the beginning. So I'll call or text for every 2-3 times he does. I like to see what his interest level is in me first. 1
katiegrl Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Not at least until we've been on 1-2 dates, and I'll still want him to do more of the reaching out in the beginning. So I'll call or text for every 2-3 times he does. I like to see what his interest level is in me first. I will always return a text/email/phone call... thus we develop a good rapport and can get to know each other... and if we're clicking, it's fun and creates a certain tension before the date. Which makes going into the date that much more exciting! I am definitely attracted to the more aggressive take charge types, not the passive guys. 1
kendahke Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I really like men that take the initiative and tell me ahead of time where and when. I hate this waiting around stuff. To him, "ahead of time" may mean Saturday at 2pm. That wouldn't make him wrong--it means that you don't both have the same definition of what "ahead of time" means. Instead of this blowing up into an angsty-mess, text him and tell him to touch base with you tomorrow by 4. If he doesn't, then block him/delete him/go out with your girls. 3
Author leogirl876 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 I will always return a text/email/phone call... thus we develop a good rapport and can get to know each other... and if we're clicking, it's fun and creates a certain tension before the date. Which makes going into the date that much more exciting! I am definitely attracted to the more aggressive take charge types, not the passive guys. Yep, me too! The aggressive take charge type of men are so hot to me!!! It's so masculine! What woman wants a feminine man? Not me!!! 3
katiegrl Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Yep, me too! The aggressive take charge type of men are so hot to me!!! It's so masculine! What woman wants a feminine man? Not me!!! Yup yup yup... and YUP!! :bunny: 1
BaileyB Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I would personally just be honest and direct. Text him and ask if he would still like to get together. Tell him that you are looking forward to seeing him but, if he's not available, you plan to make other plans. It's good for a guy to know that you are not waiting around for him, that you have other things to do. If he wants to see you, he will respond. Definitely, don't wait around too long for him... A guy who is interested will make it a priority to go out with you.
Romantic Gentleman Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Weird that he hasn't texted you yet, but I'd give it until tomorrow. If it were me I would have already texted you, but maybe he's nervous, and doesn't know where, or what to do for a date?
Author leogirl876 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 Weird that he hasn't texted you yet, but I'd give it until tomorrow. If it were me I would have already texted you, but maybe he's nervous, and doesn't know where, or what to do for a date? Maybe so, but I don't want a nervous guy who's unsure of himself. I want a man with confidence who knows what he wants and goes for it. 1
katiegrl Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Weird that he hasn't texted you yet, but I'd give it until tomorrow. If it were me I would have already texted you, but maybe he's nervous, and doesn't know where, or what to do for a date? Seriously? You really think that may be why he's hasn't contacted her? Really??? How about just to say "Hey what's up, how was your day?" Get a rapport going before the date! Build up some tension! 1
Author leogirl876 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 Seriously? You really think that may be why he's hasn't contacted her? Really??? How about just to say "Hey what's up, how was your day?" Get a rapport going before the date! Build up some tension! Exactly!!! I'm used to men when they set up a date, to let me know when and where and then confirming a day or two in advance. The ones that don't are ones that are too passive! 1
TXGuy Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Maybe so, but I don't want a nervous guy who's unsure of himself. I want a man with confidence who knows what he wants and goes for it. I doubt he is nervous. He has no reason to be. He has plans for dinner Saturday night. He will firm up exactly when and where 'ahead of time'. The only thing he apparently has to worry about is his date flaking out on him for no good reason. 2
Romantic Gentleman Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Maybe so, but I don't want a nervous guy who's unsure of himself. I want a man with confidence who knows what he wants and goes for it. I totally agree with you, but I do know from past friends that have done this, and have messaged me for advice at the last second before making a date. Seriously? You really think that may be why he's hasn't contacted her? Really??? How about just to say "Hey what's up, how was your day?" Get a rapport going before the date! Build up some tension! I'm saying it's a possibility, there could be many reasons why, but I have seen this done before. He def should have texted her already though
Dis Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I agree with leogirl and katie We want a guy that goes after us...makes us feel wanted...a guy with masculine/take charge energy! Thats a turn on! A passive guy thats vague about his feelings or intentions and doesnt take action is a....turn off! leogirl, I think its strange he hasnt texted you at all since you made plans earlier this week...I've never had that happen to me but if it did I would def get alittle turned off...it seems like his interest level might be low otherwise he'd be texting you....making it clear hes pursuing you so theres no doubt in your mind...he cant send a few quick texts??? BS I'd wait until tomorrow night then go ahead and make other plans Who wants a lukewarm/passive guy anyway? If he doesnt contact you before friday night...you didnt lose out on anything spectacular 3
katiegrl Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 I doubt he is nervous. He has no reason to be. He has plans for dinner Saturday night. He will firm up exactly when and where 'ahead of time'. The only thing he apparently has to worry about is his date flaking out on him for no good reason. TXguy, women like and need contact, connection. It's what builds attraction for us. Not being asked out and then ignored until three hours before the date, ugh. When a man does that, he risks us losing whatever attraction we had developed before the date. Then when we break the date because we lost interest or met someone else, he blames US for flaking! I don't know what the answer is but it would help if both genders could learn to understand each other a little better. So many games, so much confusion! You like someone, you communicate with them, build a rapport. It seems like common sense to me. 1
Recommended Posts