nonrequired Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 (edited) Originally i was going to write a wall of text but fudge that. What i've learned is that you need to remain a guarded, cautious, subversive, calm, self-aware, emotionally guarded/detached/at check human being. You shouldn't make yourself vulnerable or predictable as you don't know who you're dealing with and how you may be manipulated, you shouldn't be foolishly trusting or attached as else you run the risk of hurting your emotional and psychic integrity, you can't foolishly believe in love or put people on "positive" or "negative" pedestals or try to "solve" who they are, you can't let people get in your head. Don't suffer for anyone. Life is pretty wack sometimes, and if you can get your head to be clear, at peace, at check, and also ready to function like a well oiled machine, then good for you. If you want to be a "good" person, then also do what you must to not emotionally and mentally cripple someone else. Or do the minimum, whatever that is. Keep your own emotional and psychic integrity, and have fun. Don't "suffer" for anyone. Edited September 1, 2016 by nonrequired 4
Sthrngem87 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I'm lucky enough to have learned this the easy way. You will get mauled if you don't learn how to guard your heart. Every person isn't deserving of your time, patience, love, respect, and loyalty. If you value yourself it's easier to avoid being trampled on by people because you avoid situations that are unhealthy for you and you require people to earn a place in your life instead of freely offering it. That's the beauty of relationships, there are VERY FEW people who will ever be deserving of truly knowing you and seeing every side of you and will still accept you and love you. If we could have that with anyone who showed a tiny bit of interest in us then love would be the shallow "feeling" that so many people believe it is and we wouldn't need forums like this. However, love is precious because it's rare and requires action and honesty from everyone involved in the relationship. 4
KatZee Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I just thought this exact same thing walking to work this morning. Not really even sure why since I stopped actively dating just under a year ago and that seems to be the indefinite plan for now. Anyway, I think this mentality happens with age. Not sure how old you are but I'm in my 30s. I've been around long enough to know how people work. Everyone has an agenda. No one is ever going to have your back 100%. No one is ever going to be there for you 100%. People are going to let you down, and disappoint you. The only people that will ever care for you completely unconditionally are your parents. Even then, things can happen. The only person you should be caring about before all others, is yourself. The only one who's going to have your completely best interests at heart, is yourself. The only one who is going to love you good days, bad days, ugly days? Is yourself. Don't rely on anyone for love, attention, affection. If you have that void in yourself, fill it with self love. Keep your heart guarded until someone proves they're worthy for everything you have to offer. 99.9% of people are not worthy. Make people work for what you have to offer, don't just give it freely to the wind. People WILL take advantage of you. I'm not THAT old, but old enough to know that darkness lies within everyone. As much as I'd like to think the world is mostly good? I'm shown mostly bad day in and day out. 2
Toodaloo Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Originally i was going to write a wall of text but fudge that. What i've learned is that you need to remain a guarded, cautious, subversive, calm, self-aware, emotionally guarded/detached/at check human being. You shouldn't make yourself vulnerable or predictable as you don't know who you're dealing with and how you may be manipulated, you shouldn't be foolishly trusting or attached as else you run the risk of hurting your emotional and psychic integrity, you can't foolishly believe in love or put people on "positive" or "negative" pedestals or try to "solve" who they are, you can't let people get in your head. Don't suffer for anyone. Life is pretty wack sometimes, and if you can get your head to be clear, at peace, at check, and also ready to function like a well oiled machine, then good for you. If you want to be a "good" person, then also do what you must to not emotionally and mentally cripple someone else. Or do the minimum, whatever that is. Keep your own emotional and psychic integrity, and have fun. Don't "suffer" for anyone. Yup - that is pretty much it... Until you find the one who is worth it.
Lansing Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Keep your heart guarded until someone proves they're worthy for everything you have to offer. 99.9% of people are not worthy. Make people work for what you have to offer, don't just give it freely to the wind. People WILL take advantage of you. Sometimes I feel like I "guard" myself too much though. I feel that I maybe put up too many walls and really make the person prove they are the person they portray themselves to be. In my last relationship/dating experience I felt like I just let them do more of the pursuing because that way if they stopped pursuing/initiating texts/etc that I would hurt less. Turns out that I came across as disinterested and even though I tried to explain myself before a breakup things crashed down. So, I feel like I personally need to get beyond the point of judging people too much and looking for this quasi-perfect person to be in a relationship with. I feel like in the past I have considered myself to have high standards and just not dating for the sake of dating. However, I think there is something about having to let yourself be more vulnerable at the same time to actually connect with someone.
Caslina Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 I agree with Lansing and it is proved by researchers that you need to be vulnerable to connect and be in love. This guarded mentality happens when we keep to our baggage and refuse to trust. We start from a negative place so nothing positive happens. What I learn from my dating experience is that instead of taking first. I give and inspire the other person to give.
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