He broke contact after only two days

[JennAnn]

I'm the dumper and rightfully so! We agreed no contact and he's already contacting me! A simple text asking how I'm doing? Although I left him (we were engaged, living together) I'm still hurting/struggling/worrying/wondering. I've been staying very busy but when I slow down at night it is tough. But I felt better yesterday than the day before and better today than yesterday. It comes in waves. This isn't my first rodeo as far as break ups go. I know my emotions will be up and down. I still love him but he's betrayed (no cheating) me too many times, verbally abused me, lies. Trust is gone. His temper is out of control. He's done nothing to fix himself or his behavior.

 

I was feeling bad yesterday for not reaching out. Feeling anxious wondering what he was up to. If he even still cared. We've never gone a day with no contact. It's hard! But now, I'm p*ssed off!

 

If you are struggling to not contact your ex. Listen to me! Don't do it!! You will piss them off, push them further away, disrespect their wishes and make them snap out of what they were wondering about you yesterday! You will make them feel justified in their actions. I'm no longer wondering what he's doing because now I know. He's wondering what I'm doing! And I'll admit that it makes me feel better because I was feeling really sh*ty yesterday and down on myself.

 

I have been on the other side and reached out only to be ignored and that is an even worse feeling than what you are feeling now! Trust me on that!

 

Respect their wishes. Get busy. Do not dwell! You are better than that!

 

If you got this far, thanks for reading my rant. It's odd to be on one side in the last break up and now I'm on this side so I see how stupid I looked then.

 

Stay strong! This too shall pass.

[sooshi]

Just block him. Done.

[marky00]

Thanks for this.

 

Was tempted to break NC.

 

Your reaction reminds me its a bad idea.

 

I think if your going to break NC, timing is critical and also depends on how you do it.

 

If you are going to break it, probably best to hold on as long as possible to at least show you have attempted to respect the decision.

 

Unless you do something crazy like I did once and break no contact by flying overseas and asking for a break up face-to-face, there's not much good to come out of it.

 

Its hard as the dumpee but because if you know u stuffed up, u feel like the dumper is going to easily move on if u dont check in once and a while.

 

Usually first week or so break-up is the "relief" stage for the dumper. Then they tend to go into the questioning decision phase.

 

So yes, contacting the dumper after 2 days is horrible timing. If it was a few weeks down the line, your reactio would have been different.

[ManyDissapoint]

Probably he doesn't agree that you are justified in breaking up with him. He could be going insane with guilt. The man is in love with you and is hurting really badly. You kinda look bad making fun of him here, even if it's your true feelings.

 

But then that's why it's always best to be the dumper I suppose.

[marky00]

Probably he doesn't agree that you are justified in breaking up with him. He could be going insane with guilt. The man is in love with you and is hurting really badly. You kinda look bad making fun of him here, even if it's your true feelings.

 

But then that's why it's always best to be the dumper I suppose.

 

Your right actually.

 

It kinda sux how a dumper gets to pick the time that suits and then expects the dumpee to fall into line right away.

 

He will definately be feeling guilty, 100 percent. Breaking no contact is a spit in the ocean for him right now.

[JennAnn]

Probably he doesn't agree that you are justified in breaking up with him. He could be going insane with guilt. The man is in love with you and is hurting really badly. You kinda look bad making fun of him here, even if it's your true feelings.

 

But then that's why it's always best to be the dumper I suppose.

 

Good. I'm glad he feels guilty, as he should! When I left the final time, he hit me in the back of the head causing me to fall. I still have a huge ugly bruise that I'm asked about everywhere I go.

 

He's caused me so much emotional pain in the last 3 months that I care to reflect on. Yet I continued to give him chance after chance because I loved him like no other.

 

What happened last time we saw each other was a deal breaker.

 

I didn't think I needed to include all of the dirty details to get my point across to those who are thinking about reaching out. If I helped one person, and it seems I did, then I'm happy.

[ManyDissapoint]

Good. I'm glad he feels guilty, as he should! When I left the final time, he hit me in the back of the head causing me to fall. I still have a huge ugly bruise that I'm asked about everywhere I go.

 

He's caused me so much emotional pain in the last 3 months that I care to reflect on. Yet I continued to give him chance after chance because I loved him like no other.

 

What happened last time we saw each other was a deal breaker.

 

I didn't think I needed to include all of the dirty details to get my point across to those who are thinking about reaching out. If I helped one person, and it seems I did, then I'm happy.

 

Well if he hit you then my god that's a whole other basket of scallions. But I do think that it's pretty bad taste to make fun of someone going through heartache. There are a lot of ways people rationalize other people 'deserving' things. You're not rationalizing that's fine.

[JennAnn]

Well if he hit you then my god that's a whole other basket of scallions. But I do think that it's pretty bad taste to make fun of someone going through heartache. There are a lot of ways people rationalize other people 'deserving' things. You're not rationalizing that's fine.

 

He's made fun of me plenty but that wasn't my intention to post and make fun of him. He's destroyed my self worth by the things he's said to me. I've never said one mean thing to him. Not even when things got heated. Oh yeah I did call him a POS after he hit me but that's it. I've been heartbroken over and over again these last few months, cried many tears, doubted myself, etc. when he would make promises and break them repeatedly. Yet I still gave him the benefit of the doubt. There's so much more to the story and I'm not sure why I'm defending myself here.

[JewelD]

But you obviously wanted to hear from him or you would have blocked him. That's what no contact is. You are not contacting that person and you make it near impossible for them to contact you.

 

I mean, he must not be that stupid if his text was able to make you feel better.

[marky00]

No one said you need to defend yourself.

 

But at the end of the day, you have made your decision and will most likely be fine.

 

He on the other hand, is most likely heart-broken right now. Yes he did some bad things but he paid the ultimate price which for him is going to hurt a lot longer.

 

Again, he may have deserved it but that won't take away his heartache.

 

I think the point made by other posters is that u cut-it-off, u ended it. That in itself is the ultimate retaliation. Whatever wrongs he did, were wiped out with your decision.

 

So yes he shouldn't have contacted you but then again, maybe you shouldn't have complained that he did. Can't really point the finger at him since you are broken up.

[aloneinaz]

Reading what you wrote, there's absolutely NO reason to have any further contact w/him again. You need to block his number and then delete his phone numbers so you don't f-up and contact him.

 

The bottom line is you were in a toxic, abusive relationship. There's nothing left to miss or wonder about. Most folks including myself have one of this horrible experiences w/them.

 

The BEST thing to do is stay hardcore NC and block any means he has of contacting you. You will heal the fastest and feel better sooner. You have lots of learning lessons here. Next time you meet some who starts to demonstrate any of these same unacceptable behaviors, you end it right then.

 

Toxic relationships are NOT the norm. It sucks when we meet and date one of these screwed up people. The vast majority of people on this planet don't demonstrate any of the things your ex did. Don't lose sight of that.

[Simon Phoenix]

No one said you need to defend yourself.

 

But at the end of the day, you have made your decision and will most likely be fine.

 

He on the other hand, is most likely heart-broken right now. Yes he did some bad things but he paid the ultimate price which for him is going to hurt a lot longer.

 

Again, he may have deserved it but that won't take away his heartache.

 

I think the point made by other posters is that u cut-it-off, u ended it. That in itself is the ultimate retaliation. Whatever wrongs he did, were wiped out with your decision.

 

So yes he shouldn't have contacted you but then again, maybe you shouldn't have complained that he did. Can't really point the finger at him since you are broken up.

 

Dude, this take is way the hell out of left field. He HIT her. Her breaking up with him doesn't "wipe it out". That's insane.

[JennAnn]

Reading what you wrote, there's absolutely NO reason to have any further contact w/him again. You need to block his number and then delete his phone numbers so you don't f-up and contact him.

 

The bottom line is you were in a toxic, abusive relationship. There's nothing left to miss or wonder about. Most folks including myself have one of this horrible experiences w/them.

 

The BEST thing to do is stay hardcore NC and block any means he has of contacting you. You will heal the fastest and feel better sooner. You have lots of learning lessons here. Next time you meet some who starts to demonstrate any of these same unacceptable behaviors, you end it right then.

 

Toxic relationships are NOT the norm. It sucks when we meet and date one of these screwed up people. The vast majority of people on this planet don't demonstrate any of the things your ex did. Don't lose sight of that.

 

Thank you. It was definitely a first for me. Heartbreaking for me because I couldn't believe even after everything else he did during the relationship that he would go that far.

 

I'm not looking to date anyone for a very long time. I got into counseling this last week to deal with all of this.

 

I did block him earlier after he sent several more texts. Blocked and NC again.

 

Thank you for your reply.

[Satu]

No contact isn't something you "agree to."

 

It's something that each person chooses, and does for for themselves.

 

Or not, depending on preference and inclination.

 

Blocking is important if you really do decide on no contact.

 

 

Take care.

[Shanex]

^Yep. I've never had the conversation with an ex whether or not I was the dumpee to agree to NC. It's done, and if she doesn't get the hint that I'm not willing to talk to her again .. Then she has bigger issues.

 

NC ties with "staying friends with..." In your case OP, I see no reason for either. Good on moving on, or trying to. Good on the counseling. Take time for yourself and try to heal, quietly.

[basil67]

JennAnn, I'm quite amused that some posters think this abusive POS is feeling guilty and sorry right now. More likely, he's pissed because you stood up to him a final time.

 

The gentle text he sent? It's just a ruse to reel you back in.

 

I for one have no sympathy for an abuser who's suffering from "heartache". Pfft.

[aloneinaz]

Thank you. It was definitely a first for me. Heartbreaking for me because I couldn't believe even after everything else he did during the relationship that he would go that far.

 

I'm not looking to date anyone for a very long time. I got into counseling this last week to deal with all of this.

 

I did block him earlier after he sent several more texts. Blocked and NC again.

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Great news. There's NO reason to have any further contact w/him, ever.. Out of sight, out of mind truly does work!

 

Therapy can do wonders for sure. It'll make you cognizant of things in yourself that allowed you to tolerate this mistreatment. Everyone on this planet has some self esteem issues. Some worse than others. Just DON'T beat yourself up for sticking in there w/this guy. There's no value in that. There's also no value in hiding in your house and not getting back out there many months after the end of that relationship. There's truth in the statement of "you don't get over you last R/S until you get under the new one".

 

Stay NC. I went hardcore NC and healed much faster. I was able to recover and date a few months later. That allowed me to get out of the house, have some laughs w/the opposite sex and remind me again that the vast majority of people are normal. I will say during the dating period after my last crazy ex, I dated a gal for a couple of weeks who quickly demonstrated toxic traits. I vanished quickly from her life and then met my now 3 year fiance.

[JennAnn]

JennAnn, I'm quite amused that some posters think this abusive POS is feeling guilty and sorry right now. More likely, he's pissed because you stood up to him a final time.

 

The gentle text he sent? It's just a ruse to reel you back in.

 

I for one have no sympathy for an abuser who's suffering from "heartache". Pfft.

 

You are spot on! He did just that. Started questioning me about what I've been doing and turned on me very quickly.

 

He's blocked. Gone. Done.

[JennAnn]

No contact isn't something you "agree to."

 

It's something that each person chooses, and does for for themselves.

 

Or not, depending on preference and inclination.

 

Blocking is important if you really do decide on no contact.

 

 

Take care.

 

We didn't say, hey lets follow that "No contact" rule and see what happens. We agreed that we did not need to communicate with each other anymore because it always led to arguing and back and forth BS. I wouldn't reach out to him and vice versa. That didn't last long. He's blocked now and for my sanity out of my life and unable to reach me.

[JennAnn]

Great news. There's NO reason to have any further contact w/him, ever.. Out of sight, out of mind truly does work!

 

Therapy can do wonders for sure. It'll make you cognizant of things in yourself that allowed you to tolerate this mistreatment. Everyone on this planet has some self esteem issues. Some worse than others. Just DON'T beat yourself up for sticking in there w/this guy. There's no value in that. There's also no value in hiding in your house and not getting back out there many months after the end of that relationship. There's truth in the statement of "you don't get over you last R/S until you get under the new one".

 

Stay NC. I went hardcore NC and healed much faster. I was able to recover and date a few months later. That allowed me to get out of the house, have some laughs w/the opposite sex and remind me again that the vast majority of people are normal. I will say during the dating period after my last crazy ex, I dated a gal for a couple of weeks who quickly demonstrated toxic traits. I vanished quickly from her life and then met my now 3 year fiance.

 

Thank you and congratulations on finding "the one"!! Once I do get back out there I will indeed have my red flag radar on high alert!

[Dis]

He probably realizes what he lost and hes regretting what he did....typical male behavior...treat us like garbage...then once we throw out the trash...they come crawling back

 

I broke up with my ex over a year ago....we were together for 2.5 years

 

Since the day I broke up with him I havent stopped recieving texts and calls from him...I never picked up or replied

 

He says he misses me, he still loves me, hes sorry, he wants to talk to me, to pls pls talk to him etc etc

 

After the way he treated me, cheating on me, lying to me, walking all over me...he doesnt deserve to hear a word from me ever again

 

OP, I'd block him (I'd block my ex but my phone carrier only allows me to block calls not texts) If you dont block him...you could get sucked back into this...you obvi still have some feelings for him otherwise his texts wouldnt mean a thing to you

 

Pls block him...never talk to him again. He put his hands on you...thats grounds for permanant dismissal!

 

Best of luck to you OP