Just2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Emotional affair! Can someone explain the meaning behind this?
PegNosePete Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Your google-fu is weak. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair 2
mikeylo Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Your google-fu is weak. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair Lol ............
Author Just2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 (edited) I posted it here to hear from people in their own words with lived experiences, and not from a wikipediapage. But fair enough if no one here has experienced it. I guess the LOL is on me.... Edited September 1, 2016 by Just2016
PegNosePete Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Many people here have experienced it, although you may find a higher relevance in the "cheating, flirting, and jealousy" forum. You asked what an emotional affair is? It is what the wikipedia page says. It is when 2 people start a relationship and become emotionally involved, and do everything a couple would do, but without being physical. If you want to read about other people's experiences then I'd suggest a read-through of threads in the cheating, flirting and jealousy forum. If that answer doesn't help you then maybe you need to rephrase the question? I'm not sure what you're asking for, here.
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 An emotional affair is exactly as it sounds: having and affair with someone emotionally, minus the physical part. So basically you are confiding in another person other than your partner,g/f,b/f you flirt you basically cross the line of friendship (suggestive looks, talking negatively about your partner, saying right out you want to be with the person or find them attractive etc) into romantic banter but there is nothing physical happening (no kissing, touching, screwing) Judging by your other thread it sounds like you were lead on to believe that a girl didn't have a boyfriend and you were made participant in her "emotional affair" because she wanted you to believe she was single and unattached. She likely was "trying you out" to see if you were worth leaving her boyfriend for. Hope that explains it a bit for you. 1
Larryville Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 An emotional affair is exactly as it sounds… Also the reason why an emotional affair is in many ways more destructive is because it involves “intimacy” It is much deeper. When you win someone’s mind you have all of them. If you are in a relationship or a marriage and your partner is “emotionally” cheating on you, you’re done… because the “respect” has been sucked out of the relationship. Lack of intimacy or a true emotional connection is the reason most relationships fade, exactly why if a relationship starts and all you do is screw and go about your business without engaging the mind the relationship is doomed to failure. Are their exceptions… of course. “an affair of the heart.” Yup deep 1
UpwardForward Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I think of emotional affair as fantasy/fantasizing. They say you cannot know or find out about true love excepting for marriage and living with the person.
Larryville Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I think of emotional affair as fantasy/fantasizing. You know when you first posted this I was going to disagree because my first instinct was the say an emotional affair is not “fantasy” because the emotional connection is REAL to the people involved. However you are right because an ongoing emotional affair indicates that some crucial component in someone’s relationship is missing, craving the fantasy that their current relationship no longer provides. A friendship that allows for deep emotional connection AND some sexual tension is like a freaking drug. You know that is the thing about OLD. What many people crave when they participate on OLD is that initial tension, the fantasy. But then after they screw and they see how the other person lives, chews their food, looks without make-up ect the fantasy quickly fades. The unknown is FAR better.
Author Just2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 Ok, thanks! Does women do this more with men that the other way around? And does it happen on a subconscious level or is it always known to the person who initiate it?
spiderowl Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 An emotional affair, as I understand it, is where people start to share things with each other that they would normally share with a partner. There is the risk - probability? - of becoming more involved with each other mentally. The greater the mental/emotional attachment, the more likely it is they will become dependent on each other and maybe even decide to meet. And thus the emotional affair spills over into 'real life'. People can end up in emotional 'affairs' without realising it. This has happened to me recently. The guy I am chatting with is not married or attached - so in that sense it is not an 'affair' - but we have grown more attached to each other. You could say this is 'friends' and I say so too, but he is treating me more like a partner. I have even pointed out that he should be chatting with other women and getting to know them, that there is no point with me (age gap problem). Whatever I say, he says that friends chat like this. Yes they do, but not every night! Somehow he doesn't understand. Perhaps I have more experience of chatting online. I have rarely met any of the guys I have chatted with, but the one thing that was very clear was that there was an immediate emotional connection with the ones I eventually met. The 'affair' part of it started with that emotional connection and then it developed. When you get to the point where you can't imagine not having that person to talk to every day, and last thing at night, you know you are in an emotional affair. If you are trying to justify to yourself that you are chatting to a friend and the chat is regular, sharing lots of feelings, showing vulnerability, seeking opinions and guidance, you are likely to be involved in an emotional affair. If you don't really want to chat to other 'friends' because somehow you two just understand each other so well, you know you are in dangerous territory! If such a relationship developed between people where one or both was attached, I would class it as an emotional affair. 1
Foreverever421 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 How about when some guy posted an anonymous Valentine's message for your wife? You cannot be 100% certain that it was him, but instincts tell you it was. And the same dude buys something personal, like a formal dinner dress for her. They exchange texts on a daily basis and even though you have voiced out your concerns, your wife still won't hear anything of it? Yes, she reassures you that nothing is going on between them and that he is a good friend. Her girlfriends text her everyday as well, so why isn't she allowed to text a good guy friend? The guy is clearly into her, she doesn't see any problem with that, provided the feelings are not reciprocated. I feel emotionally abused, so does she with my constant requests to just ignore the guy.
privategal Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 How about when some guy posted an anonymous Valentine's message for your wife? You cannot be 100% certain that it was him, but instincts tell you it was. And the same dude buys something personal, like a formal dinner dress for her. They exchange texts on a daily basis and even though you have voiced out your concerns, your wife still won't hear anything of it? Yes, she reassures you that nothing is going on between them and that he is a good friend. Her girlfriends text her everyday as well, so why isn't she allowed to text a good guy friend? The guy is clearly into her, she doesn't see any problem with that, provided the feelings are not reciprocated. I feel emotionally abused, so does she with my constant requests to just ignore the guy. You have allowed it to go on without any consequences. Draw a clear line that you see it as disrespectful and you feel it is abusive and if it doesn't stop, you walk. Then....watch quietly and follow through on leaving if your wishes aren't respected. You deserve a partner who will not disrespect you. And that is loyal and does not allow another man to flirt with her, text her, or cross boundaries. I think you've dealt with this long enough. If she isn't loyal it will never work and her continuing to do this after you've expressed your concerns says that your feelings don't matter. Maybe they will matter when she loses you and you move on with your life and leave her to her high school texting and poor boundaries. It is abuse, so stand up to it, man up.
Foreverever421 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 You have allowed it to go on without any consequences. Draw a clear line that you see it as disrespectful and you feel it is abusive and if it doesn't stop, you walk. Then....watch quietly and follow through on leaving if your wishes aren't respected. You deserve a partner who will not disrespect you. And that is loyal and does not allow another man to flirt with her, text her, or cross boundaries. I think you've dealt with this long enough. If she isn't loyal it will never work and her continuing to do this after you've expressed your concerns says that your feelings don't matter. Maybe they will matter when she loses you and you move on with your life and leave her to her high school texting and poor boundaries. It is abuse, so stand up to it, man up. I wasn't happy about it. I asked her to just ignore him. I even asked if she would rather be with him. She said no. Anyway, i was told (yelled at actually) to deal with my jealousy and man up (same thing you told me) about the whole situation. I am emotionally immature, and she can't live the rest of her life like this ... with me telling her who she can or can't be friends with. She doesn't understand why i have to keep mentioning his name and if i am so fixated on him, then maybe i should marry him myself! Anyway, we have been separated for about 6 months now. I was informed a couple of weeks ago that she has signed the divorce papers. Not looking forward to the court hearing. Was that a case of emotional affair? You tell me.
Foreverever421 Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 You have allowed it to go on without any consequences. Draw a clear line that you see it as disrespectful and you feel it is abusive and if it doesn't stop, you walk. Then....watch quietly and follow through on leaving if your wishes aren't respected. You deserve a partner who will not disrespect you. And that is loyal and does not allow another man to flirt with her, text her, or cross boundaries. I think you've dealt with this long enough. If she isn't loyal it will never work and her continuing to do this after you've expressed your concerns says that your feelings don't matter. Maybe they will matter when she loses you and you move on with your life and leave her to her high school texting and poor boundaries. It is abuse, so stand up to it, man up. I wasn't happy about it. I asked her to just ignore him. I even asked if she would rather be with him. She said no. Anyway, i was told (yelled at actually) to deal with my jealousy and man up (same thing you told me) about the whole situation. I am emotionally immature, and she can't live the rest of her life like this ... with me telling her who she can or can't be friends with. She doesn't understand why i have to keep mentioning his name and if i am so fixated on him, then maybe i should marry him myself! Anyway, we have been separated for about 6 months now. I was informed a couple of weeks ago that she has signed the divorce papers. Not looking forward to the court hearing. Was that a case of emotional affair? You tell me. All i know is i didn't feel comfortable about it. I have good female friends, hardly keep in touch with them though now that they are married, even though i am friends with their hubbies.
Just a Guy Posted September 7, 2016 Posted September 7, 2016 Hi Forever, your wife is having an emotional affair which may now( since you are seperated) have turned into a PA. Guess you are better off without her. If she was yelling at you then I think the respect factor from her side was long gone. As they say ' Good riddance to bad rubbish'.
Foreverever421 Posted September 8, 2016 Posted September 8, 2016 Hi Forever, your wife is having an emotional affair which may now( since you are seperated) have turned into a PA. Guess you are better off without her. If she was yelling at you then I think the respect factor from her side was long gone. As they say ' Good riddance to bad rubbish'. Not so sure about a PA. She thought i was being accusatory and immature. FYI, my first love left me for another. The occurrences that led to our break up were pretty similar to what just happened. So was i just hanuted by my past, was i too jealous and petty? Or were my instincts telling me something? I have no idea. I had a problem with the Valentine's day message and the dress. All i know is that i didn't like the frequency at which they texted. Her reassurances didn't mean anything, cos they weren't in sync with her actions. About her being 'rubbish', i think the people she knows will tell you otherwise. Anyway, i am at a better place now. If she is happier without me, then so be it. 1
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