How do I know if I'm not dating a scammer via online dating app?

[aristocratee]

I'm 26, Malaysian and she's 18. She's a Singaporean and currently studying in Australia. I met her via a China online dating app. I really liked her a lot and the first thing I would do everyday when I wake up is to text her and we would just text whole day it's like we're getting so immersed into it. However, until today, she refuse to reveal her real picture to me. Reason being, she told me she had a bad personal experience due to an accident which caused her to have phobia on trusting people. Plus, she told me that her family background is very strict and her dad wouldn't allow her to see me until next year February. We did attempt to sneak out to meetup last July but she was caught by her dad so we didn't get to meet. I really want to believe that she's being truthful to me. I know it sound ridiculous to be together with someone that I never even met before. I just want to hear some opinions. Is she somehow possibly trying to scam me? Or is there anyway that I can do to find out more details on her?

[PegNosePete]

You're getting a lot of drama and stress here for someone you've never even met.

 

Just find someone you can meet without all the hoops to jump through. Dating is supposed to be easy and fun. All this drama before even meeting. It will only get worse.

 

I would move on.

[spiderowl]

There is quite a big age gap between you while you are both so young. If you were both over 40, I would say it didn't matter, but she is a teenager while you are a young man who may have been working for a while and could have been to uni or travelled round the world. I don't blame her father for keeping an eye on her at that age. It's probably not unusual in her culture.

 

If you want to wait until she is old enough to meet you (how long would that take?), then just be aware she may be a scammer. If she is, she will try to get something from you. She will probably not talk to you on the phone, but I would not rule this out for a scammer. She will ask about your job, income, home, car, lifestyle, education, training - ways of telling how much you may be earning. She may come up with a sob story about a relative or friend who is sick or travelling who then ends up in dire need for some reason. She will request money at some point or that you cash a cheque, not necessarily for her but someone in need.

 

A scammer may try to get your computer details, but I am sure you are aware of scams that seek to raid your private information to access bank accounts, etc. Do not part with your bank account number, credit card details, or any PIN numbers or passwords.

 

You really need to meet her in real life in order to know she is the age she says and that she is really the person you have been chatting with.

 

Find out where she lives (town) and then ask her about the area, e.g. what school did she go to? Are there any nice parks there? What local tourist attractions would she recommend and why (check up on the facts yourself online). I asked one suspected scammer what part of my city they lived in. He told me he lived in XXXX street. He must have looked it up hurriedly online. He was clearly unaware that the only building in that street was the local police station! Pay attention if things don't seem to fit with what she is telling you. One thing scammers often do is to appear to move about a lot - they have jobs that require travel, they are staying with someone in a particularly country but are from another. This is a cover so that you cannot trace them and they can be inconsistent with the information they give to you because they are very 'international'.

 

Other than that, I agree with the other poster that it sounds like a difficult task and a long haul ahead of you.

Edited September 1, 2016 by spiderowl

[Gloria25]

There was a time that I was adamant about getting someone I met online on the "phone" ASAP..in hopes that you can verify by putting a voice to a profile/pic.

 

Then, after being harassed over the phone from guys I turned down, I pushed to meet in person ASAP (in a public place, for safety reasons).

 

But, with all this technology, I began to get laxed and try to get in a video chat if they were reluctant about meeting too soon.

 

Well, after seeing a show on Investigation Discovery/ID, no more. I am sticking to meeting in person. Why? On this show, this controlling and abusive creep was pissed that his gf became obsessed with a player she cheated on him with. So dude took a friend of his pics and created a fake Facebook and began messaging the player. The player was suspicious on all the attention this hottie was pouring on him, so he asked to video chat. WELL, dude got the girl he was stealing pics from to video chat with the player. Dude asked her to do it as a prank. So, player still had reservations after the video chat, but still agreed to meet up with the hottie. Well, even though player told his friends if they didn't hear from him...he still ended up killed by dude.

 

So, lesson from that long story is, if you can't meet them in person in a safe and public place (ie café), then no point in asking for pictures, even video chats in real-time, cuz you have no idea what's actually going on behind that computer screen.

[aristocratee]

I'm 26, Malaysian and she's 18. She's a Singaporean and currently studying in Australia. I met her via a China online dating app. I really liked her a lot and the first thing I would do everyday when I wake up is to text her and we would just text whole day it's like we're getting so immersed into it. However, until today, she refuse to reveal her real picture to me. Reason being, she told me she had a bad personal experience due to an accident which caused her to have phobia on trusting people. Plus, she told me that her family background is very strict and her dad wouldn't allow her to see me until next year February. We did attempt to sneak out to meetup last July but she was caught by her dad so we didn't get to meet. I really want to believe that she's being truthful to me. I know it sound ridiculous to be together with someone that I never even met before. I just want to hear some opinions. Is she somehow possibly trying to scam me? Or is there anyway that I can do to find out more details on her?

[uPDATE] Thank you for the feedback people. To be honest, the situation actually happened to my friend not me and he doesn’t know that I'm doing this. I really want to protect him and help him to find out for information about that girl. And I just got an update from him saying that that girl is actually "very sick" and that's why that girl is going back to Singapore to undergo some treatments instead of staying at Sydney for studies. (I mean don't you all think this is so dramatic? Treatment> leads to money). I read articles about money scamming where the scammer would usually visit their victim. But in my friend's case, if he's the one visiting the scammer's place, any harm could he possibly face? He told me that he's going to Singapore next February to meet her. I'm really worried. What could possibly happen? But no matter how much I try to advice my friend, he wouldn't listen to me and he totally believed her. He told me he knew and he understood. But I don't think he does. He is just too naive and trusted people too easily. And now, that girl even able to view my friend's Facebook profile while her page has not much information at all. (Looks like a fake profile to me if you asked me. With less than 60 friends from all around the world, no photos revealing her face, and etc.) But I guess she must have given my friend a pretty good reason- probably saying previously she got hacked or something. That's what I could assume of. He's now very defensive and I'm neither professional private investigator nor pro scammer. I really don't know how I can find out more information on that girl because I think to prove that the girl is trying to harm him is the only way I could wake him up now. I would say that he's totally deeply in love with her within such a short period when he hasn’t even met her. I created one fake profile to add that girl hoping to find out more information and she accepted my friend request but then blocked me after half an hour. I don’t know why maybe she assumed that I might be my friend who’s trying to check her out that’s why she blocked me. I even contacted UNSW Australia, the university that the girl is studying now but I haven’t got any respond from them which I doubt they would reply to a stranger email. It’s really difficult for me to get more information as I’m not the one who’s in touch with the girl and I only got all the information based on what my friend told me which I don’t even know which is right or wrong. Anymore suggestions on how and what I can do to help my friend?

[PegNosePete]

Yes chances are "she" is a scammer. Soon the requests for help with medical bills or visas etc will come in.

 

All you can really do is to tell your friend this. If he chooses not to believe you then you have to accept that it is his life and his choice.

[spiderowl]

Tell him if he chooses to meet herin Singapore, he should meet her in a very public place - a cafe that is busy for example - and not go anywhere private with her until he is absolutely sure she is genuine. She may have 'friends' who pounce on him in an alleyway somewhere or follow him back to his hotel. He should learn how to take evasive action to avoid being followed by anyone and to avoid letting anyone know (apart from you perhaps) where he is staying.

 

Requests for help with medical bills are a possibility. If he does get such requests, it would suggest she was a scammer. Scammers like to put forward some sort of 'crisis' that makes the victim think they really have to help out with money now! If he gets any requests at all for funds, he should not send them. If she is a scammer, she will disappear once she realises no funds are forthcoming.

 

You have done your best for your friend.

[CarrieT]

Sounds completely like a scam.

[aristocratee]

Thank you for the feedback people. To be honest, the situation actually happened to my friend not me and he doesn’t know that I'm doing this. I really want to protect him and help him to find out for information about that girl. And I just got an update from him saying that that girl is actually "very sick" and that's why that girl is going back to Singapore to undergo some treatments instead of staying at Sydney for studies. (I mean don't you all think this is so dramatic? Treatment> leads to money). I read articles about money scamming where the scammer would usually visit their victim. But in my friend's case, if he's the one visiting the scammer's place, any harm could he possibly face? He told me that he's going to Singapore next February to meet her. I'm really worried. What could possibly happen? But no matter how much I try to advice my friend, he wouldn't listen to me and he totally believed her. He told me he knew and he understood. But I don't think he does. He is just too naive and trusted people too easily. And now, that girl even able to view my friend's Facebook profile while her page has not much information at all. (Looks like a fake profile to me if you asked me. With less than 60 friends from all around the world, no photos revealing her face, and etc.) But I guess she must have given my friend a pretty good reason- probably saying previously she got hacked or something. That's what I could assume of. He's now very defensive and I'm neither professional private investigator nor pro scammer. I really don't know how I can find out more information on that girl because I think to prove that the girl is trying to harm him is the only way I could wake him up now. I would say that he's totally deeply in love with her within such a short period when he hasn’t even met her. I created one fake profile to add that girl hoping to find out more information and she accepted my friend request but then blocked me after half an hour. I don’t know why maybe she assumed that I might be my friend who’s trying to check her out that’s why she blocked me. I even contacted UNSW Australia, the university that the girl is studying now but I haven’t got any respond from them which I doubt they would reply to a stranger email. It’s really difficult for me to get more information as I’m not the one who’s in touch with the girl and I only got all the information based on what my friend told me which I don’t even know which is right or wrong. Anymore suggestions on how and what I can do to help my friend?

 

[uPDATE] I really can't seem to figure out the girl's motive. If she really meant to scam, why haven't she take any action yet? Is it because she's waiting for the perfect time? It's been 4 months. Does this period consider short or long? And I just found out that the girl did chat with my friend's mum via phone call as well. In this case, she's not afraid of talking to other people. She just refuse to reveal her real photo even until today. But her action really confused me. Maybe the phone call was a tactic to get extra points for herself or maybe she's just really genuinely true? I don't know. Somehow I felt that she might not be a scammer but I can't be so sure too because right now we don't even know all the information she provide is true or fake. Or maybe I shouldn't worry too much also? If she turned out to be a scammer, it would be a great life lesson for my friend. If she turned out not to be a scammer, I guess this is good for him?

[normal person]

Whether or not she's a scammer, what's the point of being in a "relationship" with someone you can't ever see or meet? I can't fathom how this arrangement is at all advantageous for the guy. He might as well be talking to a robot.

[crederer]

Scam her first. If she bails, it was never meant to be. If she stays, then it's true love.

[aristocratee]

Whether or not she's a scammer, what's the point of being in a "relationship" with someone you can't ever see or meet? I can't fathom how this arrangement is at all advantageous for the guy. He might as well be talking to a robot.

 

One word. "Feelings". Based on his feelings. He think that she's genuine and true on everything that she said. Perhaps because he can click along quite well with her where they have common interests and etc. I mean he has his point also I guess? We don't just be together with somebody by only judging the look right somehow?

[PegNosePete]

[uPDATE]If she really meant to scam, why haven't she take any action yet? Is it because she's waiting for the perfect time? It's been 4 months. Does this period consider short or long?

It sounds pretty normal for a romance scam. They have to make sure their mark is well and truly hooked before they pull on the line.

[aristocratee]

I really can't seem to figure out the girl's motive. If she really meant to scam, why haven't she take any action yet? Is it because she's waiting for the perfect time? It's been 4 months. Does this period consider short or long? And I just found out that the girl did chat with my friend's mum via phone call as well. In this case, she's not afraid of talking to other people. She just refuse to reveal her real photo even until today. But her action really confused me. Maybe the phone call was a tactic to get extra points for herself or maybe she's just really genuinely true? I don't know. Somehow I felt that she might not be a scammer but I can't be so sure too because right now we don't even know all the information she provide is true or fake. Or maybe I shouldn't worry too much also? If she turned out to be a scammer, it would be a great life lesson for my friend. If she turned out not to be a scammer, I guess this is good for him?

 

 

 

[uPDATE] So apparently, the girl even spend money to buy a watch and even put effort to prepare a handmade gift and post it over to my friend at Malaysia for his birthday. The address written on the consignment note was from Central Road Singapore. I'm not sure whether one can fake this. Any idea? Seems so real anyway. One thing that I can't understand is that, how could my friend be so naive and trust a stranger so much. He doesn't even have the girl's number because they texted through Wechat app (China messaging app which don't require mobile number), until today he haven't even see the girl's real face. Even though when they video call, the girl would put on mask on herself. I was like... seriously dude? Why you need to be in such a dramatic relationship. I wouldn't want to comment much on his relationship anymore because I think I already did my best. I cared for him but he chose not to listen and he would bear his own consequences. He would for sure end up getting hurt because I can assure that somehow the girl is not being 100% honest. I can guaranteed that she is using a fake photo as her FB profile picture. You guys think laaa.. If she really is a pretty girl, she would have reveal herself from the beginning already and doesn't need to be so secretive. So there's only two possibly options:

 

Option 1: The girl is a scammer. (She's trying to hook onto big fish so she don't mind spending a little money to gain trust)

 

Option 2: The girl don't have self confidence on herself. She thinks that if she would have reveal her real face, my friend wouldn't want to be with her anymore.

 

This is really dramatic anyway. I've never thought that this kind of thing would actually happen on my own friend. Really speechless. I hope my friend won't get hurt but I think in this case, he already fallen far too deep and for sure he would regret all this someday.