Why do lonely people

[Toodaloo]

Well I am a loner in general.

 

I like it.

 

Despite enjoying my own company and being perfectly happy to do things on my own I am still perfectly able to relate to others as well. I am sociable on my terms and when I want to be. Then I am life and soul of the party and always have people who are very happy to see me.

 

I don't have problems making friends or attracting men. Despite spending most of my time on my own. In general I tend to be spoken to more when I am on my own. Perhaps its because I am comfortable on my own and with my own company and I do not need or require others to "make" me happy?

 

So your experiences and mine differ greatly.

 

My problem is attracting the right men. And NO they are not all predators as you describe. Many are lovely, just not suitable matches for me.

[Fair]

Toodaloo

 

The thread is a general discussion that I never said was about me. Nor did I say all men the men in question are predators. You seem to want to read something in my responses that don't exist.

 

I'm not hearing from anyone new so I'm moving on from this thread. Thanks for your opinions, everyone.

[road]

Dating gurus make good money because of their ability to put on a good spiel, talk in generalisms, good marketing and there are a lot of lonely people out there.

 

 

Men that have a lot of confidence will not be afraid to ask a woman out when she is in a group.

 

 

A man that is low in self confidence will rather ask a woman out when she is by herself. Easier task to get her attention and when she tells you get lost it is less embarrassing because it did not happen in front of her friends.

 

 

Because a man has low self confidence and prefers to make his move on women that are alone does not make him a predator that just wants to pump and dump her.

 

 

Being alone does not mean a person is a bad person. It can be choice for they do not need to have their hand held 24/7 or they have bad social

skills.

 

 

However bad people have social skills and that is why they are predators.

[l8estnews]

I wouldn't say I am happy being alone. I still have those moments where I long for someone to be with, especially after reading a good romance book or watching a good movie But for some reason, regardless if you are alone or not, you will be subjected to pain.

 

There are two kinds of pain for me:

 

1.) A sure pain of loneliness

2.) A possible pain of Betrayal.

 

I choose the first.

[elaine567]

People tend to want to hang out with people who are popular, so even if a person is lonely they are not looking to hang out with another "Billy no- mates" like themselves. They want to connect with a network of people or with someone who has some friends.

People are naturally wary of a person with no friends. It may be because they have just moved or they are shy or socially inadequate, or just a loner, but it may be because they are argumentative, nasty or even violent, Who knows?

So most do tend to stay away as who wants to get involved with someone who is isolated or who has deliberately isolated themselves.

If you are lonely and reaching out, you want to reach out to someone who you know is friendly, not someone who has no friends and who may reject you.

Not everyone wants friends.

 

Of course people who appear to be on their own, may just enjoy their own company, it doesn't mean that they have no friends or are lonely at all.

[Fair]

People tend to want to hang out with people who are popular, so even if a person is lonely they are not looking to hang out with another "Billy no- mates" like themselves. They want to connect with a network of people or with someone who has some friends.

People are naturally wary of a person with no friends.

 

Thank you. There's lots of variables to this topic but I'm glad to hear someone else finally admit they see this... there's some basic instinct in the human race that leads many people to shy away from people who are alone... whether it's fair or rational or not.

[neowulf]

The loneliness that stings me the most is a sense of being misunderstood.

 

When you're surrounded by people, none of whom share your values or way of thinking.

 

When you come out with something, only to be met with stares or dismissal.

A feeling of "difference" between yourself and others.

 

There have only been a handful of people in my life that I've ever felt strong, sincere connection with. Despite my efforts to find more, they seem few and far between.

 

Simply going out and "meeting" new people does nothing for this state of loneliness.

 

I need the *right* kind of company, the *right* kind of connection to stave it off.

 

That's why sometimes it's easier to be alone than to face the notation that there's something wrong with me, for not being able to connect more easily with those around me.

[Fair]

Neowulf, that's it exactly. I understand.

 

I shared this on another site. I think this topic might be something you should explore.

 

Challenges of Gifted Adults ? Gifted, Talented & Creative Adults