ReadySetGo123 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Hey, all! This scenario has probably been posted many times. But here's my take on it: I was at a bar last night, and had pretty nice conversation with a guy. He tried to get on the "swapping numbers" subject by saying I should contact him if I'd want to get together. I kind of turned it around and took down his number, then texted him so he had my number and I said the same thing - to let me know if he'd like to get together. It's only the next day, but who makes the first move at this point? And how soon is too soon, how late is too late, etc.?
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Looks like you already made the first move, ball's in his court no? Personally I find his approach too passive for my liking but if that worked for you... 3
Versacehottie Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Looks like you already made the first move, ball's in his court no? Personally I find his approach too passive for my liking but if that worked for you... I agree. He has your number. Guys that are dragging their feet to take the next step, will typically drag their feet the entire rest of the "relationship". So unless you always want to be the one who does the work and effort, let him take the next "first" step. 3
leogirl876 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I refuse to contact a guy first. When I've been out and a guy says "let me give you my number so you can call me", I turn it back on them and say "I don't call men first, here's my number, if you'd like to see me, then call me". When a man says to call him, that's too passive for me, I like a man to go for what he wants. Typically the guys that ask me to call them, aren't interested in me enough to put forth the kind of effort I like and they usually fade out anyway.
smudge21 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 If a girl gave me her number (oh, how I wish) then I'd definitely be the one to make the "next" move. I say next because she's clearly already made the first one. However, there is enough "advice" going around about how long before first contact etc. Too early and it comes off as needy; too late and it comes off as not interested. It's a tough call for anyone to make with a stranger as everyone is different. ReadySetGo clearly is more of the type who expects early contact, but this guy may simply be following the idea of giving it a few days. Basically don't judge others by your own standards, as they'll never match them, because they don't know them. Give it a few days, three at most I'd say.
PegNosePete Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Games games games. Bleugh. If you like him, and want to date him, then text him. If you don't, then don't. Simples. 5
PogoStick Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 (edited) I turn around her turn around, and say, a girl who is really interested will call me first. *I had one girl (age 25) who was dumb enough to have her friend text me, saying I should text the 25 y/o. This was after 1st night sex even. Give me a fkin break girls! Edited September 1, 2016 by PogoStick
LookAtThisPOst Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 (edited) I refuse to contact a guy first. When I've been out and a guy says "let me give you my number so you can call me" I've had a player dude tell me this, apparently, he has women flocking at his feet. When I first heard this suggestion, I looked at him as if he'd grown a third eye. "A woman call the man? Not gonna happen!" Apparently, he's has no shortage of dates, but...he has knocked up a two women already...one's living in Canada. So that's just to give you an idea the self-esteem and character with these women associated with his so-called advice. Too early and it comes off as needy; too late and it comes off as not interested. I never understood this concept, but I would probably be "that guy" that calls "too early", but usually women who think I called too early and labels me as desperate are someone I wouldn't want to get to know anyway. I know of some women, true story, that said that if a guy tries to call once, leaves a voicemail/text...she'll not respond, wait a while to see of OFTEN he texts with a follow-up. This, somehow, is an indicator to these women that he is actually serious about wanting to date her. It's some kind of "worthieness" gauge in her eyes. If a guy gives up after 1 or 2 texts/calls...then she would say, "You give up too easily!" I say, "Um, no...I don't want to be called a creepy stalker dude." This is why men probably have it harder than dating because of the stigma he receives if he "tries too hard", women don't have to worry of such the "stalker" stigma. Edited September 1, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst
randall Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 He asked to exchange numbers, which is the same as asking for yours. If a guy asks for your number he should be calling you. If you asked for his then I'd expect you to call him. The person who asks for the other person's number first is the one who should call first.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 (edited) You should have responded to his request for a date, but you did a reboot. He said if you wanted to go out, let him know. Instead, you, as you admit turned it around and put the ball in his court when it was you who should have responded to obviously, not-so-direct, request for date. Are you wanting him to ask you to make it more real for you? And, oh, there is something off putting about a guy who doesn't just come right out and ask. I think he was playing a power/ego game by doing that. Edited September 1, 2016 by simpleNfit 1
Toodaloo Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Games games games. Bleugh. If you like him, and want to date him, then text him. If you don't, then don't. Simples. I am with this. Playing emotional games is not fun. Playing cute but direct games is! What you are doing is messing about. So how to regain the upper hand. Do something fun. Then while doing it text something like "Oh my God I never knew what ever it is you are doing was so much fun! Why aren't you here??" He will probably respond to that and yours should be along the lines of "So its too late for you to get here and I am still waiting for that date invite. When are you going to pluck up the courage and just ask me out?" Get a book on text flirting with men. Because quite frankly you are doing it wrong and setting yourself up for guys to get very bored, very quickly. Not only that by playing these stupid "games" and trying to make yourself "high value" you are actually setting yourself up for the worry you have now about will they won't they. So yeah the ball is sorta in his court but also not really. All he thinks is that you are going to be more hard work than lots of fun right now so it could go either way. general rule if you haven't contacted him either, if its 3 days and no reply he isn't going to unless its for a booty call.
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Omg waaaaay too much effort and thought and contorting yourself into a pretzel for a guy whom you've already given your number to. NEXT! I get that people want to meet the one to fall in love with but the amount of thought that goes into "how do I appear to be this and that so that they pay attention to me and ask me out" means you are already fighting a losing battle.
Gaeta Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Hey, all! This scenario has probably been posted many times. But here's my take on it: I was at a bar last night, and had pretty nice conversation with a guy. He tried to get on the "swapping numbers" subject by saying I should contact him if I'd want to get together. I kind of turned it around and took down his number, then texted him so he had my number and I said the same thing - to let me know if he'd like to get together. It's only the next day, but who makes the first move at this point? And how soon is too soon, how late is too late, etc.? He said first : you should contact him if you want to get together. Do you want to get together? if yes then contact him. Done. Some men need a green light to start pursuing, this is his way of saying 'give me a green light'. So ReadySetGo, you want to get to know this guy or you want to pass him over something silly like who texts first? 3
mortensorchid Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 In this situation when you exchange numbers and one (in this case you) sends a "hello it's me" text to one party so that the person will have their information, then the ball is in the other party's court to respond. He may not respond, which it seems to be in this case. I've done this, even a day or two after the initial meeting, and they do not respond. No more. I wait for their response.
Gaeta Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 OP: Text him and see for yourself what he is made of. It's too early to judge him and people on here are unfair. He has done nothing wrong and it's not because he asked you to text him it means he'll be a lazy dater. You need to check for yourself if he is a lazy dater. I am the one who gave my BF my phone number. I did exactly that. I said: Here is my number if you are interested in getting to know me. I assure you I am not a lazy dater or a player. My BF reaction to me volunteering my number was: Holy s$it!! She knows what she wants.... We have been dating 10 months and we are both fully invested in our relationship. No one is lazy here. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 In this situation when you exchange numbers and one (in this case you) sends a "hello it's me" text to one party so that the person will have their information, then the ball is in the other party's court to respond. He may not respond, which it seems to be in this case. I've done this, even a day or two after the initial meeting, and they do not respond. No more. I wait for their response. The guy already told her to contact him IF SHE WANTED TO GET TOGETHER. So, HER response should have been more direct. His intentions are already known, it's the OP who injected unnecessary uncertainty in all of this when it should be so easy, no? OP: Text him and see for yourself what he is made of. It's too early to judge him and people on here are unfair. He has done nothing wrong and it's not because he asked you to text him it means he'll be a lazy dater. You need to check for yourself if he is a lazy dater. I am the one who gave my BF my phone number. I did exactly that. I said: Here is my number if you are interested in getting to know me. I assure you I am not a lazy dater or a player. My BF reaction to me volunteering my number was: Holy s$it!! She knows what she wants.... We have been dating 10 months and we are both fully invested in our relationship. No one is lazy here. Actually, imho, any man/person who is not direct and ASKS and puts the onus on the other person by giving directives like "if you want to get together, contact me," is NOT firm on his/her own interest in that person. Or he/she is avoiding out-right rejection in person.
LookAtThisPOst Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Do you want to get together? if yes then contact him. Done. Some men need a green light to start pursuing, this is his way of saying 'give me a green light'. True, but unfortunately....it isn't a woman's job...and yes, this is according to a lot of single women I've met (probably why they are still single, lol)...that have said this. I have had women tell me that men gave them their #'s, and they simply didn't call because it's "not what a lady does, it's the man's job." I guess she probably threw it away. I've seen it said tons of times on dating sites, "message me first, I'm not going to message you, it's the man's job." Notice the overuse of the words "it's the man's job."
chumly Posted September 3, 2016 Posted September 3, 2016 I am probably not the best one to give relationship advice to be honest..but I would say if you have enough of an interest in him...what the heck, go ahead and text him..what do you have to lose at this point??? From what I understand some men like it when a female shows initiative like that. "feel the fear and do it anyway"...now if only I can listen to my own advice:confused: Good luck!
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