singirl Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 Hey people! I need to get some advice and different point of view. I am currently in my longest relationship, it's not so long though.... We are together for 11 months and I still can't believe it. I have never ever been in a relationship longer than 2, 3 months.... And how is he able to stand me?! I care for him, I'm falling for him.... But I don't trust his words I always analyze and ask a million times if he really was with his friends and not with some other chick. When he says I'm beautiful, I don't believe him... When he says he cares for me, I don't believe him. And it's not like he gives me a reason not to trust him. I've never trusted any guy, ever. I'm afraid I will never do! Is it possible that bad relationship with my father is the cause? How to change it, I struggle, please help
gorf Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Hey people! I need to get some advice and different point of view. .... But I don't trust his words I don't believe him... I don't believe him. And it's not like he gives me a reason not to trust him. I've never trusted any guy, ever. You've never trusted any guy ever. You have been with this one like 3-4x as long as others. 11 moths is starting to really say something good. Not to mention, says something about who this guy is about in particular. You want advice and outside perspective, here you go: He gives you no reason not to trust him. There you go, say that to yourself 10 times in a row. What if this guy is 100% for real and you are basically pushing him away and not giving him your full potential due to your fears? You will loose him. You are silently punishing him and setting up walls at this moment. Bottom line is he has not given you a solid reason not to trust him, so if you are strong enough to be in a relationship, you have to drop your fears and go with that. Otherwise you really should not be in a relationship until you get counseling and healing. Past relationships, your past with your father, whatever caused it. You either accept he has given you no reason to not trust him, or let him go and get counseling before entering another relationship. 2
Author singirl Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 Well, I've tried counseling many, many times. It helps for a short period of time, after that I'm back to my old habits. I really care for this guy and I don't want to lose him because I've fought for him so long. Is there so meone with similar issue? @gorf thank you for a helpful advice!
mikeylo Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 You probably chose untrustworthy guys before. If you've come so far then don't punish the guy for your issues. I'm saying this just so that every time you are about to fall back , tell yourself that. He gets hurt whenever you fall back and that's the last thing you want to do. He is human and will eventually get so hurt that he gives up. Some people put an elastic band and pull it the moment they are about to do something they are not supposed to. If counseling hasn't helped then it's time to snap out. Wake up call before he vanishes.
basil67 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Well, I've tried counseling many, many times. It helps for a short period of time, after that I'm back to my old habits. I really care for this guy and I don't want to lose him because I've fought for him so long. Is there so meone with similar issue? @gorf thank you for a helpful advice! You say that counselling helps for a short period of time. Do you stop going to counselling when you feel bette, or do the old feelings return even if you continue with counselling? When counselling is working, what part of it works for you? And did the counsellors give you any strategies for long term change? Have you been diagnosed with any type of anxiety disorder? I can't help but think that you may want to consider meds.
gorf Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 ... And how is he able to stand me?! Can you elaborate?
mortensorchid Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Without including any information about your father, we can't post opinions on this.
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