Kkristine Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 I just got out of a serious relationship a few months ago that ended in betrayal. I was feeling better this past week, so my friend decided to set me up on a group date with someone this weekend. We started texting last night, and I was feeling really good about it... even waking up this morning. However, this evening, I've been bawling. Maybe it's just nerves and missing the comfortable feeling of a serious relationship? It's also made me even more angry about my ex. I can't even text someone w/o crying, and he can be in a relationship the day we break up. It tells me he didn't love me for a very long time Am I not ready or is it just nerves? I can't tell if I want to do this, or if I just want to do it because I don't want to be lonely. Plus, if the date goes bad, is it going to set me back even more?? Any experiences with this? 1
AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 I just got out of a serious relationship a few months ago that ended in betrayal. I was feeling better this past week, so my friend decided to set me up on a group date with someone this weekend. We started texting last night, and I was feeling really good about it... even waking up this morning. However, this evening, I've been bawling. Maybe it's just nerves and missing the comfortable feeling of a serious relationship? It's also made me even more angry about my ex. I can't even text someone w/o crying, and he can be in a relationship the day we break up. It tells me he didn't love me for a very long time Am I not ready or is it just nerves? I can't tell if I want to do this, or if I just want to do it because I don't want to be lonely. Plus, if the date goes bad, is it going to set me back even more?? Any experiences with this? No one can really tell you how long you should wait after a break-up before you date another, that decision is entirely yours to make. Personally, I would wait for a few months before even considering entering another relationship, so my previous partner won't feel the same way you did when your ex boyfriend dated someone else in the short period of time it took. If he started dating someone else on the day you separated, which is ludicrous, and the relationship ended in betrayal as you said, then it is for the better that you aren't with him anymore as he doesn't sound like someone who is mature enough to be in relationships. Although it sounds horrible of me to say, and I'm not offending his new partner in any way, he was probably desperate to move on and forget whatever wrongs he did to you as he realised what he had done was unjust. Similar to how long you should wait after a break-up before dating someone else, no one can tell you when you're ready for a relationship, only you know. I would advise against returning to the dating scene if you are uncertain or aren't one hundred per-cent comfortable with it and definitely not if you haven't completely gotten over your ex partner. If you're questioning whether or not you should start dating whoever it is you have in mind, then you're unsure about it and should therefore wait until you feel more confident about the idea. Take your time, never rush into a relationship, you don't want to have any regrets. I wish you luck! 2
Miss Peach Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 My meter as to when I date when I feel I can avoid not bringing too much baggage into another relationship. This point for me is when I feel apathetic towards the other person. Crying and balling is normal following a breakup with someone who broke your trust but it doesn't bode well as something to bring into a relationship if you hit it off with someone. 2
Romantic Gentleman Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 If you feel comfortable with this guy, then go for it. I think it's nerves, but only you will know when the time is right to start dating again. Maybe he'll prove why your past relationships didn't workout 2
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Plus, if the date goes bad, is it going to set me back even more?? Any experiences with this? Probably! I find that definitely happens to me. I tried going online and took out an OLD profile a month after my break-up (same scenario he left me for someone else) because I was feeling pretty good (and kind of horny if I'm brutally honest, sorry if that is TMI....even though I don't do ONSs I guess it was my hormones driving me at the time) but seeing all these profiles of men that totally didn't appeal to me just turned me off so bad it set me back significantly and I was feeling worse than I had in weeks. Point being, when you are not ready you might do more harm than good going out on dates because it just makes you miss all the stupid good you no longer have. By the sounds of it you might still be too fragile. 1
Satu Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 (edited) Never begin a new relationship until you're fully over the last one. Also, never begin a new relationship with someone who isn't fully over their last one. By "fully over the last one," I mean no longer upset about the breakup, not preoccupied with thoughts of the ex, feeling good about yourself, enjoying life, and optimistic about the future. Take care. Edited September 1, 2016 by Satu 2
staggerlee71 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Lets not forget the new guy. I think it is important not drag a new person into your past feeling and having him pay for it. I know your hurting but being honest with yourself so you can be honest with who your dating is important. Dating to get over a past relationship perpetuates more hurt feelings sometimes. 2
Penguin_hugs Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I can sympathise. I got dumped nearly 9 months ago out of the blue. It's only been in the last month that I decided to try OLD because I wanted to remember what a date was like again and to kind of prove I still had "it". Had 3 bit weird OLD dates- that ended pretty quickly. Then ended up on a date with a long term friend who I used to live with. And things progressed to kissing etc. My head feels all over the place now because I enjoyed kissing him and it was fun- but I don't overly want to rush in to another LDR because we have both moved for working. But like you, I did find after all of that I ended up thinking about my ex. Like he reappears in my dreams and I'm there telling him how upset he made me feel etc. Probably because I haven't had the opportunity to say that. Also it's playing on my mind that I need to contact him about returning some of my things. After I just went NC for about 6 months and then he just messaged me out of the blue when I had exams asking for me to post his house keys asap as he was moving. And I asked him to post my things back around 2 months ago and I haven't had anything yet. I'm not sure if I'm really offering you any advice- but just know that you aren't the only one who has found that even when you are moving on that you find triggers for your last relationship
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