MM are designed to hurt us

[privategal]

I think you are all over the place and very contradictory. I don't have the patience nor the care anymore to go back through your threads to quote the many times you YOURSELF have said you were a mess in a multitude of ways.

You call your self Messy Lady yet proclaim you aren't a mess.

Either way every time you post it reads like blah blah still stuck...blah blah I know I give him power...blah blah he respects me.

I think you can't get your story straight....so just keep posting the same pointless drama and argue with the people who were here to help you, whatever floats your boat.

But let me say we have watched so many woman here turn it all around. Get better. Leave AP even when they were coworkers, get their lives and marriage back on track. I haven't seen you take a single baby steps not one.

Your living for every little encounter, every breadcrumb, from someone else's husband and your boss, and his wife and your own get breadcrumbs too while you dabble in your double life and risk it all to make out in his car like a hormonal 15 year old.

It must be hard coming home from work and looking at your Husband after spending the day like that.

But...hey...your ok according to you.

[imsosad]

even if I wasn't married, I wouldn't go running to HR or his wife. Telling tales is not my style. .

 

Do you see this as an admirable moral code?

 

I don't doubt that you are good at what you do. If this affair comes to light,isnt there a chance that you will be discredited?

It isn't fair, but unfortunately many times it's reality. Again, it shouldn't be this way, but too often, workplace affairs damage the woman's carreer,while nothing much happens to the man's professional reputation.

Messy, you remind me of a teenager trying to look all grown up and together. Someone who is truely "on it" doesn't tolerate this type of behavior. You try to describe a very functioning, professional, mutually respectful relationship. Only you know what it's like,so Im asking you-is it really?

[HeCantBreakMe]

Messy,

 

I am curious what you want from this? If you could wave your wand and pick your happy ending what would it be? Would you end up with your MM, would you end up with Husband happy? That is where i am a little lost is what you truly want to happen from this.

[privategal]

Messy,

 

I am curious what you want from this? If you could wave your wand and pick your happy ending what would it be? Would you end up with your MM, would you end up with Husband happy? That is where i am a little lost is what you truly want to happen from this.

 

Though you ask valid questions, she's been asked these same questions SO many times.

[lftbehind]

Whilst beck and call emotionally, I am not at his beck and call in terms of work! Your suggestion that I am only number two because he is new to the job is very wrong too. We may be "split" but he is talking of the projects he wants me to work on just he did before. He has never needed me to show him the ropes either.

 

To suggest that I want to wield some power over him is also wrong. I don't know what makes you think this is was I want. Plus even if I wasn't married, I wouldn't go running to HR or his wife. Telling tales is not my style. There is also absolutely no way he would ever decide to divorce. I have always known that.

 

I bring plenty to the table work wise. I'm tired of the repeated suggestions in my threads about MM and I in terms of work. There is absolutely no issue there. He values my work highly and even on that day when we last "split" he told me not to dare leave the company (and not said in a controlling way before anybody jumps on that bandwagon).

 

I don't think that he wants for you to leave your job right now, then he wouldn't have anyone to toy with and control. Don't think that he wouldn't throw you under the bus at work one day if you started to become an inconvenience to have there. I really think that might happen.

[Messy Lady]

I think you are all over the place and very contradictory. I don't have the patience nor the care anymore to go back through your threads to quote the many times you YOURSELF have said you were a mess in a multitude of ways.

You call your self Messy Lady yet proclaim you aren't a mess.

Either way every time you post it reads like blah blah still stuck...blah blah I know I give him power...blah blah he respects me.

I think you can't get your story straight....so just keep posting the same pointless drama and argue with the people who were here to help you, whatever floats your boat.

But let me say we have watched so many woman here turn it all around. Get better. Leave AP even when they were coworkers, get their lives and marriage back on track. I haven't seen you take a single baby steps not one.

Your living for every little encounter, every breadcrumb, from someone else's husband and your boss, and his wife and your own get breadcrumbs too while you dabble in your double life and risk it all to make out in his car like a hormonal 15 year old.

It must be hard coming home from work and looking at your Husband after spending the day like that.

But...hey...your ok according to you.

 

It's a shame you don't make time to go back to past threads as you will then find that I have always said my work is fine and that whilst there are issues within my marriage, i love my husband. You will see, if you actually read what I have said, that the only place I am a mess is in respect of "affair" between MM and I.

 

I have been consistent and honest here. To imply that I cannot get my story straight suggests that I'm trying to cover my tracks here or lie. Again you are blatantly wrong on this.

 

I suggest that if you feel I am a waste of your time then don't post in my threads. I would be more than happy if you chose to do that.

[Messy Lady]

Married men are supposed to feel connected to the person they made a vow to - their spouse.

 

Then another outsider inserts themselves willingly into a place they don't belong. Are they asking for pain? Yes! Are they creating negative energy? Yes!

 

You did this to YOURSELF! No one forced you. You are a victim of yourself. You also have the power to stop feeding the negative energy by growing it bigger.

 

What is it you gain by staying active in communicating with your MM?

 

He's my boss! I have to communicate with him!

 

Plus I have said time and time again I know I'm not a victim so can people please stop suggesting that I think I am!

[Messy Lady]

Do you see this as an admirable moral code?

 

I don't doubt that you are good at what you do. If this affair comes to light,isnt there a chance that you will be discredited?

It isn't fair, but unfortunately many times it's reality. Again, it shouldn't be this way, but too often, workplace affairs damage the woman's carreer,while nothing much happens to the man's professional reputation.

Messy, you remind me of a teenager trying to look all grown up and together. Someone who is truely "on it" doesn't tolerate this type of behavior. You try to describe a very functioning, professional, mutually respectful relationship. Only you know what it's like,so Im asking you-is it really?

 

Yes. It is. Really.

[Messy Lady]

I don't think that he wants for you to leave your job right now, then he wouldn't have anyone to toy with and control. Don't think that he wouldn't throw you under the bus at work one day if you started to become an inconvenience to have there. I really think that might happen.

 

I honestly think that if he thought it was too much trouble then he would leave. I know nobody here will believe me but that is based on conversations he and I have had (not in relation to us) and his personal circumstances. I cannot say more as TMI.

 

As it is, I'm not causing trouble or being a problem. I'm behaving as I should within my role at work.

[Messy Lady]

Messy,

 

I am curious what you want from this? If you could wave your wand and pick your happy ending what would it be? Would you end up with your MM, would you end up with Husband happy? That is where i am a little lost is what you truly want to happen from this.

 

The truth? I don't know. I know I don't want to leave my husband and I see my future with him.

 

As for MM, part of me wants it to continue but I'm really tired of all this back and forth. When it started, it wasn't supposed to be complicated but his push/pull makes it hard work and complicated to me as I don't know what my position is with him from one day to the next. I would like consistency from him one way or another.

 

If I had a magic wand then it would probably be for it to continue, with him being consistent, no ILYs or promises between us and that it ends in the not too distant future with him and I as much friends as we are now.

[lftbehind]

I honestly think that if he thought it was too much trouble then he would leave. I know nobody here will believe me but that is based on conversations he and I have had (not in relation to us) and his personal circumstances. I cannot say more as TMI.

 

As it is, I'm not causing trouble or being a problem. I'm behaving as I should within my role at work.

 

I can only go by what information that you post here, don't know what conversations that you've had with him. You don't have to cause trouble or be a problem to be inconvenient for him to have at work. He may want to put you and the A behind him and it's harder to do that with you still working there.

[lftbehind]

The truth? I don't know. I know I don't want to leave my husband and I see my future with him.

 

As for MM, part of me wants it to continue but I'm really tired of all this back and forth. When it started, it wasn't supposed to be complicated but his push/pull makes it hard work and complicated to me as I don't know what my position is with him from one day to the next. I would like consistency from him one way or another.

 

If I had a magic wand then it would probably be for it to continue, with him being consistent, no ILYs or promises between us and that it ends in the not too distant future with him and I as much friends as we are now.

 

If you really don't want to leave your husband and see your future with him, then why are you worrying about the MM? Go live your life with your husband and give him all of your attention. You should be investing in him, not MM.

[Messy Lady]

I can only go by what information that you post here, don't know what conversations that you've had with him. You don't have to cause trouble or be a problem to be inconvenient for him to have at work. He may want to put you and the A behind him and it's harder to do that with you still working there.

 

Well every time it has ended before, just as now, I have behaved in a professional manner and just gone on with my job. I don't go round the office like the lovesick teenager some seem to think I am. I do my job and I do it well.

 

It would be extremely difficult for him to get rid of me and I really believe he would never do that either based on his personal views that he has shared with me.

[Messy Lady]

If you really don't want to leave your husband and see your future with him, then why are you worrying about the MM? Go live your life with your husband and give him all of your attention. You should be investing in him, not MM.

 

That's what I am trying to do. But I have to deal with how I feel about the MM and I had thought this alleged "support" forum would be the place for that.

[lftbehind]

That's what I am trying to do. But I have to deal with how I feel about the MM and I had thought this alleged "support" forum would be the place for that.

 

It is a support forum and you've gotten a lot of good advice, even if you don't like or agree with all of it.

[Messy Lady]

It is a support forum and you've gotten a lot of good advice, even if you don't like or agree with all of it.

 

I know. But I've also been attacked by some with no advice given at all. Or some are taking out their anger and frustration on me from their time as an OW.

[SolG]

I know. But I've also been attacked by some with no advice given at all. Or some are taking out their anger and frustration on me from their time as an OW.

 

Messy try and take the feedback in the spirit it's offered. I think the frustration comes more from the perspective that many here have experienced an A and just want give you the benefit of that and hopefully save you some of the pain they themselves have endured. It may not feel like it, but I truly believe the intent of most is positive.

 

I hope you do find some moments of clarity. I hope you do find a way through your current confusion to assess not just your A, but your M as well. Despite your protestations they are sides of the one coin.

 

Some of us (and I count myself amongst them) are kinasthetic learners; we learn by doing. Sometimes by doing ourselves an awful lot of damage before the lesson sinks in! I wish you speedy learning and minimal damage. Alas, I'm not confident of that outcome :-(

 

Try and take care of yourself Messy.

[Lobe]

That's what I am trying to do. But I have to deal with how I feel about the MM and I had thought this alleged "support" forum would be the place for that.

 

What would you tell *me* to do if I was in your shoes?

[imperfectangel]

I know. But I've also been attacked by some with no advice given at all. Or some are taking out their anger and frustration on me from their time as an OW.

 

Maybe because we've been there done that and not only got the t shirt but the mug, keychain, poster and fridge magnet

[Logan787]

I know. But I've also been attacked by some with no advice given at all. Or some are taking out their anger and frustration on me from their time as an OW.

 

Why do people expect so much out of affairs? I mean it's the very act of betrayal and secrecy why do they expect something beautiful to flow from something so sinful?

[Miss Clavel]

i could care less about the cheating betrayal you two get up to. what i would care about is that you two cheaters work together and if i worked there and i discovered you were bangin my boss i would report it. period.

 

i would make sure that every perk and raise you ever received was scrutinized and even if you were cleared, you would be ruined and labeled a cheat. wait..

 

i understand that he's a challenge, an enigma that you want to figure out but there is NOTHING there. he's an ahole.

 

good luck

[lftbehind]

I know. But I've also been attacked by some with no advice given at all. Or some are taking out their anger and frustration on me from their time as an OW.

 

I'm sorry if I've seemed too rough with any of my comments. I'm in a similar messed up situation with my boss. It's easy to give advice, but hard to follow it and do what you need to do sometimes. There will be a lot of times where my boss and I don't talk much at work and I'll do well with detaching from him, but then he'll start flirting with me and giving me attention. I'll start being interested in him again. I think that he likes to be able to control me and my emotions. I think that your boss is similar to mine. We can't go NC, so it's hard to get over them. I can't quit my job right now, either.

[Messy Lady]

I'm sorry if I've seemed too rough with any of my comments. I'm in a similar messed up situation with my boss. It's easy to give advice, but hard to follow it and do what you need to do sometimes. There will be a lot of times where my boss and I don't talk much at work and I'll do well with detaching from him, but then he'll start flirting with me and giving me attention. I'll start being interested in him again. I think that he likes to be able to control me and my emotions. I think that your boss is similar to mine. We can't go NC, so it's hard to get over them. I can't quit my job right now, either.

 

You've always been good with me lft behind, don't worry. Our situations do seem similar too

[Messy Lady]

i could care less about the cheating betrayal you two get up to. what i would care about is that you two cheaters work together and if i worked there and i discovered you were bangin my boss i would report it. period.

 

i would make sure that every perk and raise you ever received was scrutinized and even if you were cleared, you would be ruined and labeled a cheat. wait..

 

i understand that he's a challenge, an enigma that you want to figure out but there is NOTHING there. he's an ahole.

 

good luck

 

Sorry to disappoint you in your highly judgemental view of me but as already stated I get no preferential treatment. I know you probably think I lie and cheat in everything I do but I don't. I have morals.

 

 

Stand backs and waits for more attacks....

[imperfectangel]

No one is attacking you