mkrainy Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 About three weeks ago, after our vocation, I told my boy friend I think we aren't suitable. There was lots of up and down in our 3 months relationship and I always feel insecured dued to my own baggage and his past (current?) drug problem. I constantly feeling lonely. However, I immediately regret about it after 2 hours and begged him back because I still loved him. In the next two weeks, I tried every way to ask him back, he told me he just wants to be friend, he doesn't want the relationship drama and pressure and he's moving back to Europe (we are in Asia) I was very miserable in the past two weeks. Trying to move on and at the same time, trying to ask him to take me back. I tried nc for a day but he would messaged me. I didn't know how to heal, so under this kind of condition, I used the dumbest way. After he ditched me again on Saturday night and refused to even pick up the birthday gift that I handmade to him (I drove to his apartment ), I felt hopeless. In the past two weeks, he always ignored my messages but would say we could hang out etc. On Sunday, I sent him messages told him I am going out for a date, would he want to work on our relationship etc, once again I asked many times he just keep saying he just wana be Frd, I am free to date etc. I am so heart broken and felt if I slept with someone, he wouldn't forgive me and I won't forgive myself , then I don't need to be in limbo stage anymore, I could move on. So I slept with the guy, I was not happy at all and my heart was broken. I told my ex afterward, because I thought then he would stop messages me and moved on. He was so angry. Said that I am bitch slept around, deliberately spiteful and if I don't want to hurt him, I would not have told him. He ignored any of my messages now and I have been nc for few days. I still feeling so miserable, I didn't do it to hurt him. I just wanted to move on, so I cut every hope I thought I could, so thought I could move on faster. I felt now so guilty becoz I caused him pain and I felt I cheated on him. I love him so much, but I felt nothing I did could save us that's why I did what I do.
Zahara Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 (edited) About three weeks ago, after our vocation, I told my boy friend I think we aren't suitable. There was lots of up and down in our 3 months relationship and I always feel insecured dued to my own baggage and his past (current?) drug problem. I constantly feeling lonely. However, I immediately regret about it after 2 hours and begged him back because I still loved him. You begged because you were afraid of the pain you would be facing by the break-up and the thought of having to face that void of him not being there. I'm sure you knew you loved him when you were pondering the decision to end it. So, "I still loved him" is just an excuse based on fear. Love isn't enough to sustain a relationship. If 3 months into it there are already so many issues, it was the right decision to end it. On Sunday, I sent him messages told him I am going out for a date, would he want to work on our relationship etc, once again I asked many times he just keep saying he just wana be Frd, I am free to date etc. I think you were trying to provoke him into taking you back. When he told you he just wanted to be friends, you should have taken that as an answer and initiated NC. Hard to do but after countless times of trying to get him back, this should have been the last straw -- him "approving" your desire to date others. I am so heart broken and felt if I slept with someone, he wouldn't forgive me and I won't forgive myself You made two CHOICES -- 1) to end it 2) to sleep with someone else You've backtracked both times on your choices. Time to figure out why you're choosing to go back to a relationship that is bogged with issues and why you impulsively make bad decisions that compel you to act destructively and self-sabotage rather than try to maneuver your way in a somewhat rational and healthy manner. You also mentioned insecurity from past baggage -- this is a good time to just focus on those issues rather than remain in a relationship that has only been magnifying your insecurities. You got the results you desired. Now you can move on and start focusing on your healing. No use regretting the decisions you've made but accept that it is for the best. Edited August 31, 2016 by Zahara 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 It's over, OP. You can't dump someone and then change your mind 2 hours later. That's not fair. Did you break up with him to see if he would fight for you or something? Clearly you weren't getting what you needed out of the relationship. Also, sleeping with another guy is fine, but telling your ex about it was very unwise and makes no sense. What did you hope to gain from that? Stay broken up. You mentioned he has issues with drugs - major red flag there. And he's leaving the continent anyway. Close this chapter of your life and begin moving on.
Author mkrainy Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 It's over, OP. You can't dump someone and then change your mind 2 hours later. That's not fair. Did you break up with him to see if he would fight for you or something? Clearly you weren't getting what you needed out of the relationship. Also, sleeping with another guy is fine, but telling your ex about it was very unwise and makes no sense. What did you hope to gain from that? Stay broken up. You mentioned he has issues with drugs - major red flag there. And he's leaving the continent anyway. Close this chapter of your life and begin moving on. I still love him, but I constantly feeling lonely in the relationship. He's always disappeared. He said since he met me he's been doing well with his drug problem, but I constantly worry. That's y I broke up with him. I knew it's unfair. I think breakup maybe is the best for us. At the beginning, he said if we are good, he might find a way to stay, but since we always not stable, he decided to move back. I told him because, 1. I was emotional and felt crap. I felt so miserable and I felt I cheated on him. 2. I wanted to tell him for him to hate me, so he could move on and I will be forced to as well, since he will nc me
Bee4Shine Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 It is time to move on. It is not easy, and it shouldn't be. You gave your heart to him without commitment and now you need to heal. Can you take a step back? Reevaluate your life and what you want to be and do? Set some goals for your life and seek a new path. You are doing things to get him back or make him jealous and it is only taking you further down a path you should not be going on. Please get a grip on your emotions. Understand that you have suffered a loss and that you can and will move through it. Maybe seek counseling. Often a counselor can help you move through the stages of loss. I pray God's best for you.
preraph Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 Oh, he was just waiting for something to blame you about so he could be mad and it's all your fault and now he doesn't have to think what he might have done wrong. Go no contact and just move on.
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