AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 I posted a while ago about a girl who I was good friends with dating my ex boyfriend the day after her and I fell out and two months after he dumped me, and them getting engaged on their one month anniversary (they're both eighteen years old and have been dating for just over five months now). Both of them blocked me on everything a while ago, her on the day we fell out, but I remembered a fake account I created shortly after my ex partner dumped me, it was one of my friend's idea as many of us were unsure exactly why he changed as much as he did (for the worst) within a matter of two days. I remembered the password for this account as it's a simple one. I know this is going to sound terrible and you'll think I'm being idiotic, but no matter how many times I tell myself not to log into it, I do. I'm seeing him posting loads of pictures of them together, something he never did whilst he was with me, writing long paragraphs about how perfect she is and how much he loves her...I know I sound like a jealous ex, but I'm just hurt by the fact that she knew he was ex whilst we were friends, she dated him so quickly after we fell out (a lot of friends of both of ours fell out with her for doing that), they're engaged and they've lasted five months whereas me and him only lasted three, and he seems to love her more than he ever did me. How can I stop myself from looking at his Facebook and stay stopped?
DarrenB Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 They always say a positive ending to a relationship often helps, but in this case it seems, and I personally feel that taking some time maybe each day to grieve, be upset and get angry with the situation, MIGHT just might help you in a way. You need to see it from your point of view and only your point of view. The fact of the matter is, he has moved on, and people often move straight into new relationships to fill a void in their life and often try and replace a person. Whether he has completely forgotten about you or is trying to make you jealous can be perceived by how you feel. Personally, If my ex moved on that fast, changed towards me, as much as I would want to stay and hope, you have to find the harsh truth that moving on is the best thing to do. Follow the NC (No Contact) rules, there's a pinned guide in this break up section. I do suggest looking at it, because it may give you some ideas as to how to deal with it and get over it. I'm on the verge of it myself, and I want everyone else to do the same who are in the same situation 1
Author AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 It's just unfortunate that the ending wasn't positive, he dumped me because of the emotional side effects I were facing with my implant, which had turned me into an emotional wreck and he wasn't being faithful to me...which he was aware of. Thank you so much for your reply, though, you make a few good points and I will have a look.
gracey123 Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 Hun please for your own sanity stay off his Facebook, he might have been with her longer than you but think of it this way, you had a lucky escape! A man who gets with your friend after a breakup isn't a man worth keeping, she will have to live with the insecurity of him being around her girl mates just in case! There's someone out there for you just please stop torturing yourself, it won't go away otherwise x always here if you need a chat, be strong...for yourself x 1
PegNosePete Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 How can I stop myself from looking at his Facebook and stay stopped? 1. Click this link: https://www.random.org/passwords/?num=1&len=20&format=html&rnd=new 2. Select the randomly generated password and hit Ctrl-C. 3. Go to Facebook, log into your fake account, find the "change your password" section. 4. Paste the randomly generated password into the box and the confirm box. 5. Log out of Facebook, and close the random.org page. Job done. 3
Author AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 gracie123-Thank you ever so much for your reply, that's so sweet! I suppose I have had a lucky escape, that's what one of my friends said when I informed her of their engagement and all of my friends have been telling me I deserve better...it's just me being stubborn. I will stay away from his social media accounts and stop doing this to myself, I agree with you when you say it won't benefit me in any way. Thank you so much for your reply, being so understanding and offering a conversation should I ever need one, I greatly appreciate it. I'm the same for you and I'll try my best to stay strong!
Author AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 PegNosePete-That's exactly what I need, thank you so much! I'll attempt it now!
Toodaloo Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 1. Click this link: https://www.random.org/passwords/?num=1&len=20&format=html&rnd=new 2. Select the randomly generated password and hit Ctrl-C. 3. Go to Facebook, log into your fake account, find the "change your password" section. 4. Paste the randomly generated password into the box and the confirm box. 5. Log out of Facebook, and close the random.org page. Job done. Seems like a lot f bother to me. Why not just delete the fake account and be done with it. Then temptation is gone.
juniorrocha Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 I wonder what your age is, but I'm guessing 18 or something around that (according to the age of your friend and ex). Look, at 18 we don't even know what the f we're doing. I'm certain none of them are financially stable or anything like that. 5 months is not enough time to be engaged with someone, let alone at age 18. A marriage means wanting to have the other one for life. They aren't even past the honeymoon phase yet. You don't have to be a fortune teller to say this surely is not lasting too long. You're young, you still have so much to live. You'll be thankful at some point that that guy is now gone. Now I suggest you a few things: 1. Occupy your mind: hobbies, go out with your girlfriends, party, exercise, work out, find new hobbies, study, work, whatever; 2. Block him (them) everywhere and don't allow any sort of contact; 3. Stay away from the dating scene for a while, you'll want to heal before finding someone else; 4. Accept that it's over, grieve for a while, but don't let yourself into the darkness forever. Get up and do number 1. Whenever you feel the urge to contact him or access anything, come to us to relieve your pain. And remember: it's all a matter of time til you're through it. Keep that in mind, it helps you holding on to your decision. 2
grokcahsevol Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 They are too young to be engaged after such a short period of time. This won't last forever. I would never get engaged to someone unless I have been with them for a minimum of 3 years, this way I get to really know them completely. People who post on social media showing how happy they are do it mainly for attention (at least the people I know that hop around from one romantic partner to another) and quite frankly, they aren't happy. That was a bit off-topic, but it reminded me of an ex or two haha. If you're hurt, maybe go seek a therapist it will help! don't be afraid to share with a professional on how you feel, you need to let your feelings out, cry, get mad, and go NC as others have mentioned. 2
sooshi Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 (edited) Engaged after only dating a month? And at 18? Red flags. Huge ones. I don't imagine their relationship will last. But this isn't about them. It's about you. It's time to stay off of Facebook. Or block them. Peeking into their lives is only hurting you. It's time to focus on your well-being, and not what they're up to. I know it can be hard not to compare you and the new girl, or your relationship with theirs (whether or not the differences are real or perceived), and since that's what happening, it's vital that you stop looking at their social media. Go no contact. Edited August 31, 2016 by sooshi 1
Author AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 Toodaloo-I have deleted the fake account several times, but the problem with that is logging into it reactivates it. Changing the password to something I don't know will be a better option for me, so I'm going to attempt it, but thank you for your message.
Author AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 juniorrocha-I'm seventeen years old, they're both a year older than me. He is on a minimum wage job and she's just finished college, I assume she is unemployed as she has never mentioned having a job. It was very soon, he was planning on proposing to me shortly before we split, but we had only been dating for nearly three months. He used to discuss marriage with me all of the time. All of his exes dumped him and one of his best friends told me he's terrible at relationships. That's true, they are and I know I will one day. I will do all of the things you listed. Thank you so much for your reply!
Author AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 I wonder what your age is, but I'm guessing 18 or something around that (according to the age of your friend and ex). Look, at 18 we don't even know what the f we're doing. I'm certain none of them are financially stable or anything like that. 5 months is not enough time to be engaged with someone, let alone at age 18. A marriage means wanting to have the other one for life. They aren't even past the honeymoon phase yet. You don't have to be a fortune teller to say this surely is not lasting too long. You're young, you still have so much to live. You'll be thankful at some point that that guy is now gone. Now I suggest you a few things: 1. Occupy your mind: hobbies, go out with your girlfriends, party, exercise, work out, find new hobbies, study, work, whatever; 2. Block him (them) everywhere and don't allow any sort of contact; 3. Stay away from the dating scene for a while, you'll want to heal before finding someone else; 4. Accept that it's over, grieve for a while, but don't let yourself into the darkness forever. Get up and do number 1. Whenever you feel the urge to contact him or access anything, come to us to relieve your pain. And remember: it's all a matter of time til you're through it. Keep that in mind, it helps you holding on to your decision. I'm seventeen years old, they're both a year older than me. He is on a minimum wage job and she's just finished college, I assume she is unemployed as she has never mentioned having a job. It was very soon, he was planning on proposing to me shortly before we split, but we had only been dating for nearly three months. :-/ He used to discuss marriage with me all of the time. All of his exes dumped him and one of his best friends told me he's terrible at relationships. That's true, they are and I know I will one day. I will do all of the things you listed. Thank you so much for your reply! :-D
marky00 Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 You know what, I've done something for several months. And yes stalking social media profiles hurt badly but I have found there is a positive spin-off. After doing it for quite a while, it kind of immunised me to a degree. Like it got to the point where I could see a wedding photo and it would hurt but it wouldn't kill me. So yeh, its weird but in some ways going straight for the max pain might actually give you a better long-term benefit. But I think maybe after a month or so, its definitely time to stop inflicting that pain.
Latino4Lyfe Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 Social media can be pure evil sometimes lol. Yeah, like the others before have stated, it's better to either get rid of that fake account and/or find other means to not access it. If you still have deep feelings for your ex and your catching yourself looking up facebook constantly seeking for an update or anything, it will drive you nuts. Besides, chances are that engagement and all these constant romantic posts are definitely not going to last and eventually real life will catch up with them and from what you have stated and from all the experiences a lot of us have witnessed here and anywhere, the type of people that do that don't stay together in the end, they end up hating each other and in rough spots in life for their actions. Be happy you got out while you did. Live your life, be positive, a new wonderful guy will be on the horizon for you one day that will build a life with you and show you off to the world and actually mean it. No time for games . 1
Author AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 They are too young to be engaged after such a short period of time. This won't last forever. I would never get engaged to someone unless I have been with them for a minimum of 3 years, this way I get to really know them completely. People who post on social media showing how happy they are do it mainly for attention (at least the people I know that hop around from one romantic partner to another) and quite frankly, they aren't happy. That was a bit off-topic, but it reminded me of an ex or two haha. If you're hurt, maybe go seek a therapist it will help! don't be afraid to share with a professional on how you feel, you need to let your feelings out, cry, get mad, and go NC as others have mentioned. They definitely are, I think it's ridiculous and so does all of my friends. Even his friends disapprove of the engagement. I understand that everyone feels they are prepared for marriage at different times, but I disagree with engagement during the honeymoon period when you're still getting to know each other. That's true, they post loads of pictures of themselves accompanied by extensive paragraphs about how perfect the other one is and how they mean everything to them etc every month anniversary. Ha ha ha I am already receiving help for it and it's proved beneficial for me. Thank you for your reply!
Author AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 Engaged after only dating a month? And at 18? Red flags. Huge ones. I don't imagine their relationship will last. But this isn't about them. It's about you. It's time to stay off of Facebook. Or block them. Peeking into their lives is only hurting you. It's time to focus on your well-being, and not what they're up to. I know it can be hard not to compare you and the new girl, or your relationship with theirs (whether or not the differences are real or perceived), and since that's what happening, it's vital that you stop looking at their social media. Go no contact. Well, he first announced that he had proposed to her on their one month anniversary, but he didn't give her the ring until a couple of weeks later as he ordered it online, apparently. There is red flags and people have been telling me it won't last, I'm just amazed their parents have allowed them to go ahead with it. Although, his Mum is too soft with him and more-or-less lets him do what he pleases. You're so right, it is and I will stop from looking at it as it isn't helping me move on. Thank you very much for your reply!
Author AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 You know what, I've done something for several months. And yes stalking social media profiles hurt badly but I have found there is a positive spin-off. After doing it for quite a while, it kind of immunised me to a degree. Like it got to the point where I could see a wedding photo and it would hurt but it wouldn't kill me. So yeh, its weird but in some ways going straight for the max pain might actually give you a better long-term benefit. But I think maybe after a month or so, its definitely time to stop inflicting that pain. I suppose it benefits some people, but it's only had negative effects on me ha ha. I couldn't agree with you more, thank you!
Author AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 Social media can be pure evil sometimes lol. Yeah, like the others before have stated, it's better to either get rid of that fake account and/or find other means to not access it. If you still have deep feelings for your ex and your catching yourself looking up facebook constantly seeking for an update or anything, it will drive you nuts. Besides, chances are that engagement and all these constant romantic posts are definitely not going to last and eventually real life will catch up with them and from what you have stated and from all the experiences a lot of us have witnessed here and anywhere, the type of people that do that don't stay together in the end, they end up hating each other and in rough spots in life for their actions. Be happy you got out while you did. Live your life, be positive, a new wonderful guy will be on the horizon for you one day that will build a life with you and show you off to the world and actually mean it. No time for games . When it comes to relationships, it definitely is ha ha. I will rid myself of the fake account and the constant temptation to log into it and receive updates on what they have been doing, it was quite moronic of me to even consider doing it in the first place. It has been driving me crazy and it's only worsened my feelings about the break-up and the fact that he treated me the way he did, but he seems to be treating her better...I'm sure he will reveal his true colours or she will reveal hers' (she isn't a very kind person and has upset a lot of friends of both of ours) once the honeymoon period has ended. What you say is so true! You and the other people who have commented on this thread have made me feel so much better, thank you for that. Their relationship does appear to be one big fantasy...all of the photos of them kissing, telling everyone how much they want to spend the remainder of their lives together...they only started talking a couple of days before they started dating. I wouldn't have made myself feel happier staying with him any longer as he wasn't being supportive, understanding or treating me too well, even some of his friends told me the way he was treating me was horrid and they believed I deserve better. I will try my very best to do what you advised and aww, that's so sweet! Thank you very much!
Toodaloo Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Well if both are not very nice people then perhaps they have found their matches! Leave them to it. You have far better things to worry about now, like which finger nail is better for picking your nose because that is actually far more important than what they are doing right now!!! 1
Author AmyHershaw Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 Well if both are not very nice people then perhaps they have found their matches! Leave them to it. You have far better things to worry about now, like which finger nail is better for picking your nose because that is actually far more important than what they are doing right now!!! She definitely isn't, she used to have a go at my friends for no reason and complain to me about her problems all of the time, but she wasn't interested in hearing mine. Dating a friend's ex partner is betraying that friend's trust and is the one thing you should never do, I definitely wouldn't or couldn't. As a result, she lost a few friends and some of his friends were unhappy with him dating her as they had experienced problems with her as well. According to his closest friends, he was acting out-of-character nearly two months after he had been dating me, hence the suspicions we had of him being unfaithful and he started making it obvious. Ha ha, that's true, thank you!
sooshi Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Amy, you seem like a very sweet girl. I know this was your first relationship, and it's hard for you. But you do deserve a lot better than these clowns. Block them, and get off of social media for a while if you have to. Take care. 1
Author AmyHershaw Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 Amy, you seem like a very sweet girl. I know this was your first relationship, and it's hard for you. But you do deserve a lot better than these clowns. Block them, and get off of social media for a while if you have to. Take care. Aww, thank you so much! It means a great deal to me. Thank you for your lovely replies as well. It was, I am still relatively new to dating and I'm not letting it deter me from having a romantic relationship with someone else, because there is someone out there who I will have a long, happy relationship with. I just need to find them! Thank you and they blocked me anyway, people have been saying it should have been the other way round, but I suppose it's good that they have.
sooshi Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I'm glad you're not letting this deter you from having a romantic relationship with someone else. You will find someone. I forgot that they had blocked you already. Don't take it personally. I suspect that they know that what they've done is hurtful, even if they only know it on a very subtle leve, but don't want to be reminded of it in any way. You deserve to have better friends and healthier relationships. Be good to yourself. 1
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