YourNotAlone Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 I've been broken up with my ex girlfriend for 4 months now, we've shared a lot of great memories and enjoying times. I found out she was cheating on me which had a deleterious effect on me I recently started gym and started working on my body because I was very unfit and wasn't looking so good, I'm guessing that was one of the reasons she left me maybe I wasn't good enough? so she went for a better package.... My main concern is that everytime I hear a sad song or watch a movie with a emotional break up I feel low, I feel like crying, I can't sleep every time I think about all the things she said to me like " I will love you forever" it makes me sick because her actions said otherwise I just want it to end I want my life, my pride and to be happy again I can't believe someone has made me like this I'm usually a very productive person who likes to explore and learn but now I'm depressed have no life all think about is HER HER HER and WHY WHY WHY. Please help me. 1
bummer Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 Im at nearly four months post breakup myself. Hopefully you aren't tapped into her social media and giving yourself the proper NC you need to heal. Congrats on going to the gym. Stay consistent. Remember you are good enough. She just went for a different package. If it makes you feel better, she needed to cheat to justify leaving you. She's a coward. This is the best advice I ever got: Hang in there and know you aren't alone in your struggle. If you think it will help, read up on mindfulness and meditation. The philosophy of detachment is empowering. Good luck! 1
AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 I completely understand how you feel, being cheated on is devastating and damaging to one's self-esteem, but you have to remember that you aren't the one who is at fault here. If she was unhappy with your relationship for whatever reason, then she should have let you know and explained exactly how she felt to you, so you could work together to resolve the problem. Communication is essential in a relationship and shows that you believe your partner to be trustworthy enough to always confide in. You will feel hurt and downtrodden, but unfortunately, this just proves that she wasn't the one for you. I understand that you loved her and there are reasons as to why people cheat on their partners, but it's as I said, she should have informed you of anything that bothered her and been honest with you. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but eventually, you will move on and find someone who will treat you better. Just take your time with it, surround yourself with family and supportive friends, focus on building better relationships with your family and friends, and avoid looking at anything she posts on social media. Don't rush into another relationship, a close friend of mine always told me that the best ones come when you're least expecting them to. She certainly won't be the last girlfriend you'll have and there will be someone who will help you forget about this girl and what she did, leave her to regret what she did, because she will. I wish you luck! 1
Author YourNotAlone Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 Hi bummer, thank you for your prompt reply. Look I check her Facebook and Instagram probably every 2-3 days sometimes many times in a day, just to corroborate things I have not texted or called her in 3 months or so I've deleted our photos and everything that we've had now it's all in my mind and thoughts and its not eraseable if you understand were I'm coming from thank you for kind words it means a lot
Author YourNotAlone Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 AmyHershew, you literally put a smile on my face thank you for your kind words. I have a habit of checking her Facebook and Instagram regularly which leads to more distress but I still love her alot, even though she hurt me it seems impossible right now to just forget her and give on someone who was once in my life as my woman. 1
AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 You are most welcome, I'm so glad I could help you! You're not the first person to do this and you definitely won't be the last, I am guilty of doing this to my ex boyfriend (who was also unfaithful) and I understand that you know you shouldn't do it as it won't aid you in recovering from the break-up, but you can't resist checking on what she is doing and any new relationship she is in. I know this is easy for me to say, but you need to learn to resist the temptation of constantly viewing her social media posts and accounts in order to help yourself overcome the pain caused by the break-up. I would advise blocking her on everything and putting her behind you, you are probably believing that you won't find another girl who will be interested in dating you or will make you as happy as your previous girlfriend did, but you will! Just remember that anything she posts on social media about how joyful she is with a new partner or she doesn't seem to be bothered about dumping you, doesn't mean she is nor does it mean she holds no regrets for damaging the relationship she had with you. Again, I wish you all the best and I'm glad you found my reply helpful! 1
Author YourNotAlone Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 Thank you a lot, I will try my best to not look into her social media accounts 1
AmyHershaw Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 Not a problemo at all! Message me anytime if you ever need someone to talk to whenever you're feeling down-in-the-dumps again to take your mind off things or you require advice for anything, I'm always willing to have a conversation and help! You will be able to avoid them, you just need to find that inner strength, it is present! ;-)
Joebloggs91 Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 That is a kick in the teeth hearing that she cheated on you but you mustn't blame yourself nor think you weren't good enough. If she was with you solely for your looks then she's not worth the time of day anyway. negative thoughts won't help you heal. What's done is done and whatever those reasons were it's happened so you need to move on. It sounds like you've already made a good start by getting into a gym, you might not see it but that's a big step. A lot of people will stay away from any form of human contact for months on end but you've got up and gone out there, so we'll done. My biggest bit of advice to you and I can't stress how highly I recommend this is to take a break from social media. I'm currently on my second break up this year and I'm taking my second break from it as a result. That way I can't be tempted to look at what she's doing. This stint will probably last a few weeks as the main reason for me feeling like this is because I've been dumped twice, not neccessacerily because of her (was short) but I know I'll feel a lot better and my head will be a lot clearer when I return. Before you think it's impossible, it isn't. I was the biggest Facebook and Instagram addict going and it took some willpower but I did it. It's only removing the apps from your phone so you're not deleting your actual account. Keep it up 1
ksol9 Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 Sorry for your pain. As for the cheating, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Please remind yourself of this. You both are responsible for your part in the problems within the relationship, but HER decision to cheat is her own problem. Cheaters usually have some inner problem that only they can fix. Secondly, breakups put you through a horrible process. For everyone, it takes a different amount of time to recover. Keep doing what you are doing and that is taking care of you. There's really nothing more you can do. Come to the forum and vent. Talk about it here. Good luck to you.
sooshi Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 Thank you a lot, I will try my best to not look into her social media accounts Block them. That'll remove the temptation to look. 2
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