cubbbb Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 I have been in NC for 7 days with my ex, and have been broken for about 30 days.. We have reconciled about 5 or 6 times over the past year. I KNOW that it will never work, but I had a hard time today.. I don't I think i ever noticed so many freaking couples holding hands and laying on their blankets staring up at the sky.. Everybody looked soooo freaking happy together.. A rush of feelings flooded me over.. I was doing pretty good with NC until tonight. The thoughts of last 4th of July came rushing over me.. Memories of great times came roaring back into my mind. That bad, evil things that she has done repeatedly to me over the last 18 months were no match to the fond memories. I know that things will never work, but I am reaching my NC record (8 days I think).. I never can seem to last longer than that.. I am determined to stay with NC, but seeing literally 100's or 1000's of happy go lucky couples tonight just about sent me over the edge. I wanted to call her so bad. I sat there and would wonder if she is somewhere with a new guy right now sitting on a blanket whispering sweet nothings into eachothers ear.. Pangs of jealousy filled me inside, and I don't even have a clue if any of that was happening or not.. All the while I had my 9 year old daughter with me (daughter from my ex-wife. I'm a "every other weekend" Dad, along with holidays and such) so I had to have a nice rosy smile on my face and try my hardest to show my kid that I was having a blast. It about killed me, but I think I pulled it off for the most part.. The first thing I did when I came home was log on the keyboard and come to LS hoping somebody would be reading these boards and give me some support.. I'm not going to call tonight, but its taking everything I got not to.. Help!!!
moimeme Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Remember all the bad things. Make a list of them and reread them every time you get the urge to break NC.
Author cubbbb Posted July 5, 2005 Author Posted July 5, 2005 Thanks, I did just write down a list, and its a pretty lengthy one. LOL.. That does seem to help a little bit, and every little bit helps when I want to break down and call her.. I guess just seeing all of those "happy" couples tonight just made me feel very lonely for companionship, and my mind would revert to the good times I had in my "bad" relationship. I realize that I need to learn to become happy being alone until the next woman decides to walk into my life. Patience has never been one of my greater virtues I guess. The feeling of lonliness, resentment, anger, sadness, and just wanting them to go away really came out tonight.. I hate this feeling, but hopefully tomorrow when I wake up hopefully I feel a little stronger in not caving and stepping back into a life that I was never happy most of the time..
WhoSaidThat Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 These are the types of weekends I like to call "testers", they can play stange games with your mind. It makes you think about the good times you had with your ex and pushes the bad times to the back when they should be upfront. It's hard at first because you are actually wanting to be with someone and the freshest thoughts you have are of being with your ex, once you learn to push those thoughts aside and start making new thoughts about the fun you can have by yourself, that is when you start to heal and life takes on new meaning for you. I was in a 5 year relationship and she just came out and told me she didn't love me anymore and wanted to move on. She moved out and I hadn't heard from her since, and the breakup was last August. Its hard at first but you have to understand that you are not the only one going through this, it happens to many people everyday. What I did was start jogging, now I was never a workout person, I wasn't overweight or anything but I never devoted time to just working out or exercising but once I started jogging I was quickly on the road to recovery. When I would start to think about her during the day I would tell myself that its not time to think about her and told myself that when I jog I can think about her. This way I'm not sitting by the phone tempted to call her but while jogging I can listen to music and think about the situation in my own little world. When I get back from jogging I'm tired (both from running and thinking about the situation) that my mind is clear to do other things and think about other things that don't get me down. Its not an overnight process and even though you start feeling better, you will have your bad days still but they will come less frequently and before you know it you'll be able to think about the good times you did have with your ex and they won't bother you at all. Just hang in there and be true to yourself, don't let your thoughts about your ex consume you as it will just make you more miserable. Rick
Author cubbbb Posted July 5, 2005 Author Posted July 5, 2005 Well, i didn't call and I woke up feeling A LOT better.. Nights are always much worse for me. I can cope during the day without going crazy, but the nights are a $%^&*. I guess as the day draws near an end, and I'm getting ready to lay down into the empty bed memories start coming, and also thoughts of what "could" be taking place. I would think to myself as I crawl into my empty bed and wonder to myself "Is she in a new relationship, and is right now being spooned (or much worse) but some new a**h***?" etc, etc... I have never been a jealous man in the past (not overly jealous anyway) but this girl sends my emotions on a loop.. Probably because she broke my trust many times over the past 18 months by cheating, lying, manipulating, and using me I just assume now that she is already in a new relationship. I was never a saint by any means, and I also contributed to the relationships demise, but I definately have some "letting go" issues I need to deal with. I have read some advice on this forum about just going out and "hooking up".. Some recommend it, and some discourage it.. Well, i'm leaning towards "hooking up" advice. LOL... Well, I know it wouldn't be fair to the "temp" girl, but someone has to be the rebound chic right? That sounded bad I know, but I am just sick and tired of feeling this way.
Recommended Posts