Luciaf Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 Hi guys thanks in advance for reading my thread. So i have dated this guy for a 7 weeks, during the dating process he has always been telling me how he liked me and how he wants to settle down and start a longterm relationship. At the 6th week he asked me to be his girlfriend, i agreed. But right after this , in a about a week, he went silent for a few days , i asked why, and he answered he ran into his ex on a wedding and got confused.. I thought there was nothing i can do if he is not over with his ex, so i told him i will move on, and it ended peacefully. However, i was hurt because i really liked him , but i coped with it. Now a week later, right when i feel the breakup does not bother me that much, he friended me on social media which brought all the feelings back again..... So My questions are (ok, maybe these are the dump questions) Why he wants to follow me on social media ? How can i cope with the feeling that i'm always thinking maybe because i'm not good enough that he went back to his ex:( I need some advice.. Thanks!
sooshi Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 To quote Satu, another forum member: "Never begin a relationship before you've completely moved on from the last one. Also, never begin a relationship with someone who hasn't completely moved on from their last one." He wants to keep you in his life so he can interact with you on his own terms; when he wants and how he wants. He knows you're into him and he can take advantage of that. How to cope with not feeling enough? You block him, go no contact with him, and work on your self-worth. Take care. 3
Lyssse Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 Hi guys thanks in advance for reading my thread. So i have dated this guy for a 7 weeks, during the dating process he has always been telling me how he liked me and how he wants to settle down and start a longterm relationship. At the 6th week he asked me to be his girlfriend, i agreed. But right after this , in a about a week, he went silent for a few days , i asked why, and he answered he ran into his ex on a wedding and got confused.. I thought there was nothing i can do if he is not over with his ex, so i told him i will move on, and it ended peacefully. However, i was hurt because i really liked him , but i coped with it. Now a week later, right when i feel the breakup does not bother me that much, he friended me on social media which brought all the feelings back again..... So My questions are (ok, maybe these are the dump questions) Why he wants to follow me on social media ? How can i cope with the feeling that i'm always thinking maybe because i'm not good enough that he went back to his ex:( I need some advice.. Thanks! How long ago did he break up with his ex?
Author Luciaf Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 How long ago did he break up with his ex? about 7 months ago
DarrenB Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 It seems like he's just as enigmatic as you. It sounds as if he himself is yet to find that closure after being in a situation like the one you stated. The ball really is in your court. You can befriend him, and have a work in progress, but unless he gives you an idea of what he expects from seeing/talking about his ex, I don't think it would be a good idea. It's known people tend to go straight into a new relationship to fill that void they no longer have. Most of the time, they do it for their own benefit. It may or may not be the case, but you can base it from what you've seen from your own perspective, you should be able to tell. If I was you, Luciaf, as much as it may hurt and confuse you, let nature run it's course and be the better person. Take your own time, and if he decides in future and gets his thoughts and priorities straight, then consider starting a fresh with him. But like I say in the meantime, take some time away from him and do you. We're all good enough, regardless of people's pasts Do keep us updated
Lyssse Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 about 7 months ago Do you know any information regarding their breakup? I feel like 7 months could still very much be considered a "rebound" period, but could also be enough time for someone to get over an ex. However, if he was the dumpee, he could have a lot of feelings for his ex still.
Author Luciaf Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 It seems like he's just as enigmatic as you. It sounds as if he himself is yet to find that closure after being in a situation like the one you stated. The ball really is in your court. You can befriend him, and have a work in progress, but unless he gives you an idea of what he expects from seeing/talking about his ex, I don't think it would be a good idea. It's known people tend to go straight into a new relationship to fill that void they no longer have. Most of the time, they do it for their own benefit. It may or may not be the case, but you can base it from what you've seen from your own perspective, you should be able to tell. If I was you, Luciaf, as much as it may hurt and confuse you, let nature run it's course and be the better person. Take your own time, and if he decides in future and gets his thoughts and priorities straight, then consider starting a fresh with him. But like I say in the meantime, take some time away from him and do you. We're all good enough, regardless of people's pasts Do keep us updated Thanks for replying Darren. great advice and i think thats what i'm doing and will keep doing. will keep updating!
Author Luciaf Posted August 31, 2016 Author Posted August 31, 2016 Do you know any information regarding their breakup? I feel like 7 months could still very much be considered a "rebound" period, but could also be enough time for someone to get over an ex. However, if he was the dumpee, he could have a lot of feelings for his ex still. According to him . bad timing and communication problem. and the ex didn't want marriage soon. yeah sounds like he is not over with it....
aloneinaz Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 I hate to be Debbie Downer here but I see no upside for you. At best, you're only a fallback or an option to him now. Personally, I wouldn't choose to be anyone's second choice at their convenience. Discount the fact that he's not over his last ex and won't be for a long time even if it doesn't work out now for him and this ex of his. I think you should be glad you only dated him such a short time. I'd personally shut the door to him, wish him luck (if HE contacts you again) and go NC. You'll meet someone else who will make you their number priority which he's no capable of doing now. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 I wouldn't bother keeping in touch with him. If seeing his ex a week after he asked you to be his girlfriend was enough to make him doubt everything and go MIA, he's not over her yet and just not ready for a new relationship. 2
greenly24 Posted September 2, 2016 Posted September 2, 2016 Don't be too hard on yourself. He could have gone back with his ex for any number of reasons (it's what he knows, he's comfortable with her, etc.) and it's probably not a reflection on you or who you are. Don't let those thoughts bring you down. By how you write I'm guessing you're a pretty nice girl who has her things together and you shouldn't let this one thing get in the way of that. As for social media, what do you feel comfortable doing? You don't have to friend/follow him if you don't want to or if it's going to upset you. And if it really bothers you, you could message him saying you don't feel comfortable friending/following him. Do what you want to do.
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