Is there someone here that I can speak to...

[smellysocksuni]

And that is why I believe I mentioned when you were struggling with #1, to invest the time on healing yourself. You can't cope and deal with your issues if you keep getting involved with people that only magnify and feed into those issues. It's best to stay single for awhile, work on your co-dependence and your fear of abandonment and invest your time and energy cultivating a relationship with yourself.

 

I know you are hurting but the best thing to do is to block her and stay away. You received good advice in your last post about her and it all remains the same -- regardless of whether she is BPD or not -- she isn't a good and healthy addition to your life.

 

Go through the pain and withdrawals. Seek a professional for help so that you can start focusing on you. Post here. Lean on your friends and family (I hope you have mended fences with them now that she is out of your life?) and know that it's going to be okay. It's going to take time but you'll get through this.

 

You did, I remember that well. I didn't intend on getting with someone so soon, but I thought I could handle it. This has been a wake up call, for real.I am definitely going to work on myself, from here on out.

 

No, she wasn't. I need to really try and remember that. She was very difficult to deal with and to be with.She knew my weaknesses and played on them.

 

Yes, i have made up with my friends which is a great help. I've changed my number anyway - I had to. It helps me, to not wait around for messages.

 

Thank you Zahara. Your words do mean a lot. They really do.

[gracey123]

Yes, grace. That's exactly what happened. I have always gone back after a few days and messaged her. She has never once after a few days got in touch with me. She has done that throughout the r'ship - argued with me, said horrible things.. .never apologised and never been the one to contact me first.

 

That's why she is doing this to you, because she sees you as an easy target, doesn't matter what she does or says, because you always come back anyway. Get strong my dear and prove this girl wrong! She'll eat her hat when she sees you turn into an independent and happy man, and she'll be wondering damn what did I do wrong! You can do this, love yourself, or else you'll end up with a worm in your life walking all over you. Just remember you deserve love, equality and respect as much as she does, please don't let her keep doing this to you anymore, especially regarding your abandonment issues, she's abusing your own vulnerability for her own self gratitude.

 

I'm so sorry to see your mum passed away

[basil67]

You have got it SPOT ON. This is exactly what happened. I WAS confiding in her, and telling her how hard I found it. She got tired of hearing this, and then started getting funny with me until what happened tonight happened.

 

Even today she said that friends rubbish. I wasn't trapping anyone, or forcing her to do anything. She wanted to come over today to 'chill out' - huh? Chill out? With someone you've just broken up with? Who clearly isn't over it? And she even warned me not to mention anything about 'us' otherwise she'd go home. Is that even fair? I'm so glad someone gets what was going on. I thought I was going mad.

 

No, it's not fair. You need to tell her that you can't be her friend. It's likely she will go all drama queen on you - so if she does this, just tell her "I'm really not interested in how you feel about this" and then block her.

[basil67]

You have got it SPOT ON. This is exactly what happened. I WAS confiding in her, and telling her how hard I found it. She got tired of hearing this, and then started getting funny with me until what happened tonight happened.

 

Even today she said that friends rubbish. I wasn't trapping anyone, or forcing her to do anything. She wanted to come over today to 'chill out' - huh? Chill out? With someone you've just broken up with? Who clearly isn't over it? And she even warned me not to mention anything about 'us' otherwise she'd go home. Is that even fair? I'm so glad someone gets what was going on. I thought I was going mad.

 

No, it's not fair. You need to tell her that you can't be her friend. It's likely she will go all drama queen on you - so if she does this, just tell her "I'm really not interested in how you feel about this" and then block her.

 

This must be done over the phone or message. It wouldn't be cool to have her arrive at your house and then have the discussion. Besides, it can be unpleasant throwing someone out.

[smellysocksuni]

No, it's not fair. You need to tell her that you can't be her friend. It's likely she will go all drama queen on you - so if she does this, just tell her "I'm really not interested in how you feel about this" and then block her.

 

This must be done over the phone or message. It wouldn't be cool to have her arrive at your house and then have the discussion. Besides, it can be unpleasant throwing someone out.

 

She was having a go at me earlier, about me trapping her, not letting her move on... I just messaged her and told her that she wouldn't be hearing from me again, and I instantly changed my number. She replied "Thank you" to that message, and I said "don't thank me, I am not doing this for you". I don't know if she replied because my number was changed.

 

That is so unfair to expect someone to be friends and get annoyed when they can't do it. She won't hear from me again. She doesn't deserve to.

[Zahara]

You did, I remember that well. I didn't intend on getting with someone so soon, but I thought I could handle it. This has been a wake up call, for real.I am definitely going to work on myself, from here on out.

 

No, she wasn't. I need to really try and remember that. She was very difficult to deal with and to be with.She knew my weaknesses and played on them.

 

Yes, i have made up with my friends which is a great help. I've changed my number anyway - I had to. It helps me, to not wait around for messages.

 

Thank you Zahara. Your words do mean a lot. They really do.

 

That's a huge step on your part because for as long as I have been on LS, it takes determination and courage to make that decision. You're stronger than you think you are and this is half the battle won because you're not going to be sidetracked or derailed by her. You can now push forward and while it's going to hurt, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. It won't always be this way.

 

There is no use analyzing her behavior anymore because she was manipulative six months ago and she's just as now. So none of this is a surprise. She's just exhibited a different scenario of toxic.

 

So trying to figure the mind of a person that is wired that way is futile. Best to now focus on where you went wrong and why and try to heal those wounds.

 

Stay strong. Keep posting. I'm glad to hear you are back with your friends. Lean on them. One day at a time.

[gracey123]

She was having a go at me earlier, about me trapping her, not letting her move on... I just messaged her and told her that she wouldn't be hearing from me again, and I instantly changed my number. She replied "Thank you" to that message, and I said "don't thank me, I am not doing this for you". I don't know if she replied because my number was changed.

 

That is so unfair to expect someone to be friends and get annoyed when they can't do it. She won't hear from me again. She doesn't deserve to.

 

Keep in this mindset Smelly Socks! (I hope they don't!) she doesn't deserve you, she seems selfish, let her grow herself too and hopefully she will become more able to control her apparent narcissism

[gracey123]

No, it's not fair. You need to tell her that you can't be her friend. It's likely she will go all drama queen on you - so if she does this, just tell her "I'm really not interested in how you feel about this" and then block her.

 

Wise words basil!

[smellysocksuni]

Keep in this mindset Smelly Socks! (I hope they don't!) she doesn't deserve you, she seems selfish, let her grow herself too and hopefully she will become more able to control her apparent narcissism

 

Lol, they don't - it was just the first combination of words I could find!

 

I don't think she'll ever change. She sees nothing wrong with her behaviour, she still lives at home and her parents mollycoddle her daily. She'll never change.

[gracey123]

Lol, they don't - it was just the first combination of words I could find!

 

I don't think she'll ever change. She sees nothing wrong with her behaviour, she still lives at home and her parents mollycoddle her daily. She'll never change.

 

Then it's most definitely her loss!

You're worth more than to be with someone who doesn't even act maturely in situations such as this, keep smelling, Socks! You're worth more than you realise

[smellysocksuni]

Thank you to those who have posted here. It's helped to gain perspective on that person. I think I forgot just who she was and how manipulative she has been, and just how toxic she was (or the toxic behaviours she exhibited). I do feel better than I did when I made the post, and I am very grateful for the replies posted.

 

I have no intention of contacting her again. I want to become stronger as a person and I'd imagine that this will be the catalyst.

[ChickiePops]

Way to go on changing your number Smelly! Lots of people aren't strong enough to do that (myself included, during my last break up!). Be proud!

 

 

Also, I'm not sure how old you are but I'm guessing early 20's? I lost my mom in my early 20's as well. I'm so so sorry..it's a crappy age for that to happen (not that there's a good age..but at least when you're older you're better equipped to handle it).

 

 

Sending hugs your way.

[gracey123]

Way to go on changing your number Smelly! Lots of people aren't strong enough to do that (myself included, during my last break up!). Be proud!

 

 

Also, I'm not sure how old you are but I'm guessing early 20's? I lost my mom in my early 20's as well. I'm so so sorry..it's a crappy age for that to happen (not that there's a good age..but at least when you're older you're better equipped to handle it).

 

 

Sending hugs your way.

 

 

I lost my dad at 19, it effects you so much. I hope you are okay x

[preraph]

As much as it hurts to see that written - I was acting slightly obsessive, yes. More so out of extreme fear of having to face the pain of a break up, not because I wasn't in control of myself. There were days we didn't speak, and she would also initiate a lot of the conversation - at some points even suggesting we meet up and get in bed together to watch films. But yeah. Never mind, eh.

 

It would be nice if all the loose ends were tied up when a relationship ends, but it is never so. There are always things dangling we wonder about that seem to have no logic. It's not like at a job and they say "You're fired," and you know you have to leave and stay gone and start over. It's little bits of memories that make us question and give us hope and then actions that seem sometimes like nonsequeters. It's not a neat cut. It's a frayed rope when it ends, with things straggling behind us pulling us down for awhile. But it is the end of the rope, nonetheless. And we have to let it go.

[marky00]

Just because you had some fun times doesn't mean that isn't outweighed, as far as she is concerned, with the not so fun times. To me it sounds like she became disinterested in you romantically and you stayed around under the "friend" condition, which was a lie. You were never going to be satisfied with that. And so that was a betrayal to her because you misled her into thinking you could just relax and be friends. But you couldn't, so she's done with you. And it no longer matters what fun things you did. You can enjoy the memories, but it is over. I'm sorry. And yes, you are acting obsessively, which is scary to people. She feels she needs to cut you off completely because you are not in control of yourself.

 

Better luck next time.

 

I get what u mean and agree to an extent but then again.

 

 

II just posted about an ex that just went silent on me , now like 25 days NC. We had an LDR for 9 years, a couple of breakups and this year we decided to meet on a holiday, I guess we both saw some mutual benefit in it (a holiday of "good will" so to speak).

 

 

Well, on the trip and last few months, we never discussed the relationship, just acting as friends with a history. Yes, deep down, since I was the dumpee a reconciliation down the line was on my mind occasionally but honestly after being through other breakups with her, I got to the point where I just knew how to contain myself and not show my thoughts (at points of weakness).

 

 

I don't think the OP did anything wrong here. I'm pretty sure he really did try to contain himself. I think what it comes down to, is that the dumper seems to create an image of the dumpee that never goes away no matter what the dumpee does. That's the bit that sucks. Like as dumpee, you not supposed to talk about the past relationship, yet the dumper cacoons you as the person you were back then.

[Robert]

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[Simon Phoenix]

Yes, exactly her. I feel embarrassed because I didn't really want to come back here so soon after the initial one, and have to report on another failed relationship... but here we are. She's been acting so cold, and like she doesn't know me. I haven't been harrassing her, or being insulting, or anything. But she just exploded at me tonight, saying I was keeping her stuck and that she wants to move on and live her life. And I am left wondering what the hell I did that made her feel like this towards me, and how the hell I am going to get through this.

 

Breakups happen, but I'm afraid you're falling into the same post-breakup pattern you're in before. That's a bad thing. We all make mistakes, but making the same mistake twice is not a good thing. I mean, you know enough from the first one to know that staying in contact is a horrible idea, yet you allowed it to happen anyway. Instead of trying to figure out why she turned, you need to figure out why you put yourself in that situation AGAIN.

 

I'm glad you changed your number, but please do not repeat history. Not trying to be a wet blanket, but c'mon -- this isn't your first rodeo.

[smellysocksuni]

She turned up at my house, yesterday.

[Zahara]

She turned up at my house, yesterday.

 

And?

 

I'm not surprised. Toxic relationships/people have a tendency to drag on to the death.

[basil67]

She turned up at my house, yesterday.

 

I hope you reiterated your stance and asked her to leave.

[smellysocksuni]

What happened was...

 

I had a missed FaceTime call from her, which puzzled me because she doesn't have my new number and so I realised it must have been through my email. I left it for a few hours and then my doorbell rang. I never get any visitors, and my intercom has been broken for months, so I didn't answer. A few minutes later, she knocked at my actual flat door.

 

I didn't know she was coming, so I let her in - I was curious really, to see what she wanted. It turned out she was annoyed that I'd changed my number, and that I'd been out with a friend a few days' prior (she saw this on my Twitter).

 

So we discussed that. Then she fell asleep. I tried to wake her up, but she said she was too tired to drive home by then (1am). We didn't sleep together.

 

She went home in the morning, after we'd talked again. She accused me of not being there enough for her during the relationship, etc. This infuriated me because I tried my best to be. I told her never to contact me again as she is a highly toxic individual, and that I should never have let her in. She left, and I have not spoken to her since.

 

I now feel like ****, because I have been propelled backwards in a HUGE way.

[Zahara]

Yes, you should have not let her in. All you can do is learn from this.

 

Block her everywhere.

[Simon Phoenix]

Once again, you're being your own worst enemy in a big way. The only reason she's able to say this s--t and mess with your mind is because you allow it. Stop.