Married people don't envy their single friends

[BluEyeL]

Married people would not want to get back to single-hood because it's too much effort. They'd have to get off their big behind and shed those extra pounds, they'd have to find something interesting to talk about, they'd have to take risks of being rejected, they've have to fall and back up several times...and that is just too much for them after years sitting on the couch watching tv in their track suits.

 

When I was single I had too much fun to have a boring moment.

 

Now I love being in a relationship with my BF but there are times I get home at 18h and miss the days I didn't have to cook dinner and could just run off without explaining my whereabouts. I also miss my friends and our daily contacts now that we're all busy playing house.

This is an unkind message that paints an entire group of people with pretty broad strokes. It has a lot of "ism" to it, prejudice. Not all married people are like that and you yourself admit that while there was some effort to be made when you were single, there are other types of extra effort you need to make now. It's never do nothing. There are a lot of hardworking married people who are interesting, work out, travel and have interesting conversations

[Popsicle]

I saw a recent post on Facebook. Friend of mine, she's been married to her husband for quite a while.

 

She said she was watching this reality dating show where the camera crew followed this woman around. A rather successful and of course attractive entertainer. Apparently, she had the WORST experiences from being stood up to having the guy leave in the middle of the date, lying, etc.

 

She was like 'WTF is wrong with people?!" And this is a married woman looking from the "outside-in".

 

Then she said<name of husband> don't DIE on me anytime soon!! LOL

 

This FB post reminded me of a married woman of 20 years, kid out in college, said she is SO thankful for being married as she has quite a few single friends that she's heard dating horror stories from.

 

Seems these married people have it better than we do, the single people? Of course, they make it sound like that, right?

 

I think you need to get married. Single life is clearly unpleasant for you.

[Sunkissedpatio]

And we have very svelte behinds, thank you very much.

 

Well if you plan to be single better work on that, big badonkadonks are all the rage now.

[smackie9]

There is no way I would want to be single, hell no, I'll keep my husband TY. He's just what I always wanted, and I doubt I would ever find someone even close to him. The thought of being single now and having to search again, just horrifies me.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have noticed, most of them were married young, and still are married like 15 to 20 years or so...so they say they outside of their husband, they never dated around.

 

That they basically married their prom dates...so they are totally oblivious to what we all go through here on LS. lol

 

Ignorance is bliss, yes?

[Gaeta]

This is an unkind message that paints an entire group of people with pretty broad strokes. It has a lot of "ism" to it, prejudice. Not all married people are like that and you yourself admit that while there was some effort to be made when you were single, there are other types of extra effort you need to make now. It's never do nothing. There are a lot of hardworking married people who are interesting, work out, travel and have interesting conversations

 

Of course I know that. Wow my reply was very offensive to some. No, not all married couples are like what I described but a chunk of them are so it was worth mentioning them.

[preraph]

Sadly, one of the two "happy couples" I knew well enough to know they were happy and great companions for one another, now one of them, the husband has been terminally ill for a few years and out of remission for spinal cancer, and his wife, my old roommate, has been cheating on him for at least the last couple of years. I figure he knows her well enough to know she might when bored. But I am so mad at her for it, plus she was acting like she might go after my ex there for a minutes until I pulled her fangs out over the phone and then let my ex know about her crappy behavior just in case.

 

The other happy couple I know, they are a codependent unit. She said she never thought she'd like some guy keeping tabs on her and, you know, being 100 percent always knowing what each other is doing and making all decisions together, but it just worked out for them. Except that then they became religious fanatics and ran off a lot of their nonreligious friends. I got special dispensation only because she can't blame me for being Native American (well, that's my excuse).

[maryquitecontrary]

Nah, when I was married I always envied my single girlfriends. In fact, I used to fantasize about one day being divorced and alone living on my own again in my own place.

 

My dream came true! We got divorced and I have a beautiful luxurious apartment with all new things and it's actually CLEAN all the time and I can do whatever the hell I want. I honestly don't know if I will ever marry again. Sure, sometimes I get lonely and sometimes I come across real jerks-- read my posts-- but, for the most part I feel satisfied just being alone.

[GemmaUK]

I wasn't married but was in a long term relationship for 14 years and had no envy for my single friends at all.

I left that relationship but it wasn't like I was looking forward to being single either - I just knew for me it was the right choice.

Being in a couple/married is/can be amazing - so can being single just doing what you want to do with no men hassles involved.

 

You gotta love what you're in and doing - whether that be coupled up, single dating, not dating - if you aren't enjoying it then you should do something different - change focus.

 

 

Ahh. See, I love the FEELING it gives me. Not the actual ... logistics and practicalities of being coupled up.

 

Your posting history suggests that you simply love the companionship of a good, stable, reliable partner who you love to be around.

 

You enjoy the mechanisms of being in a relationship and felt lost without it, as a single woman (yet not enough so to settle).

 

Where as for me, I love how... giddy, excited, and also the very deep feeling that has grown out of the chemistry - I love how the relationship makes me FEEL - the intangibles - as opposed to strongly disliking being single and loving a relationship in an of itself.

 

It is interesting how we all differ!

 

I was very sorry to hear of your break up on another thread recently Leigh - sounds like you are doing good and all positive though!

Your deal breaker in that relationship is also one of mine, I couldn't tolerate drugs either so kudos to you Leigh! Well done for sticking with your principles and good (better) luck with your next guy!! x

[LookAtThisPOst]

Just Google:

“Marriage may be obsolete”

 

This reminded me, I have a very good female friend, early 50s, she was born to World War II era parents. Her parents are in their late 80s, they've been together since the beginning. So she's the product of upbringing from parents having stayed together and thus...she wanted such a marriage.

 

But it hasn't happened for her. Not because she's picky, but has old-fashioned morals just like her parents and wants the same.

 

We discussed the "marriage is obsolete" thing and she was like "Yeah, that just may be...sadly." and I think her and I were products of being raised old-fashioned-like..which kind of makes us in the minority....so most times we don't gel with people who are part of that mainstream thinking of multiple marriages/divorces in a lifetime.

 

Being the product of forever married parents can have its challenges.

 

There's a documentary out there called, "Adult Kids Of Divorced Parents" that's quite an eye-opener. I think only ONE adult was found that actually had parents that were still together.

[Imajerk17]

OP, if the point of this thread is whether dating can be challenging, the answer is yes, dating can be really challenging sometimes. Whether or not married people are truly relieved to not have to go through w it.

 

Meanwhile, serious relationships and being a parent on top of that have their own challenges (and their own joy!). My sister has two little boys, and even though I'm sure she has moments where she marvels about how her life isn't really hers anymore, I am positive she wouldn't change her married life and life as a mom for the world.

 

So on that note, I don't believe in envy. I am happy with my life as is, even though I recognize (and am working towards) improvement. I don't need anyone to "not envy" me, because I think overall my life is pretty sweet. Just as others are happy with THEIR life as is. It's all good.

Edited August 30, 2016 by Imajerk17

[joseb]

 

We all change in some form or another, it is said we change every 10 years and NOT always for the better. The inconsistency of the human mind frankly makes the state of marriage a risky endeavor.

This is so true. It's why I doubt I'll ever get into anything long term anymore.

[Larryville]

Ok this is a read SOME may be able to recognize… however most of us won’t

 

32 Brutally Honest Truths You Have To Accept If You Want Lasting Love

 

32 Brutally Honest Truths You Have To Accept If You Want Lasting Love | Thought Catalog

 

It's why I doubt I'll ever get into anything long term anymore.

 

Yup J Me neither…

 

Back in the days of B&W TV’s, rotary phones, cars without A/C and vinyl… you meet a woman from across the room and she was the only woman in the room. The guy worked his ass off to do what he could to be with her.

 

Who are we trying to fool? Guys ask yourself if you are single how many women have you met in your life, I mean those you actually tried to pursue?

 

Ladies, let’s get real no matter how fine and awesome you might be, no matter how much money or education you might have, throw out every attribute to prop yourself up you can think of you will NEVER be that shining glowing woman from across the room. OLD has made us ALL less valuable.

[xxoo]

 

Ladies, let’s get real no matter how fine and awesome you might be, no matter how much money or education you might have, throw out every attribute to prop yourself up you can think of you will NEVER be that shining glowing woman from across the room. OLD has made us ALL less valuable.

 

People still meet by looking across the room. I know 3 madly in love newlywed couples, and all met through a friend.

[Leigh 87]

I wasn't married but was in a long term relationship for 14 years and had no envy for my single friends at all.

I left that relationship but it wasn't like I was looking forward to being single either - I just knew for me it was the right choice.

Being in a couple/married is/can be amazing - so can being single just doing what you want to do with no men hassles involved.

 

You gotta love what you're in and doing - whether that be coupled up, single dating, not dating - if you aren't enjoying it then you should do something different - change focus.

 

 

 

 

I was very sorry to hear of your break up on another thread recently Leigh - sounds like you are doing good and all positive though!

Your deal breaker in that relationship is also one of mine, I couldn't tolerate drugs either so kudos to you Leigh! Well done for sticking with your principles and good (better) luck with your next guy!! x

 

 

 

I live at home again but have given him a chance. He is just such a generous, strong and funny person. He is seriously made for me and me him. I did walk. Moved out. So he got the help he needed. I went to the first therapy session and he is considered low risk atm. None of us feel he will re offend.

 

I know most people do not believe in the One or the spiritual, soul mate types of pairings. I feel like I am walking in air everyday and he makes my life to much happier.

 

It is crazy but I believe he will not relapse. It was a first for him as it was. He had a bad mum and in the end he actually wanted therapy, in spite of his once long held aversion to it. It js always a good sign when people want to help themselves.

 

 

 

I am a huge proponent on finding the big love, once in a lifetine connection. Most people won't agree with me and that's fine.

 

Thanks for your kind words though. No doubt most women wouldn't tolerate my latest hiccup.

 

It is purely out of wanting him. Not the fact I envy relationships if what not; I had never been happier single when we met and it is purely all him, his personality and the positive effect he has on my daily life-- that I cannot walk away from unless he blows this last chance fegarding the drug issue.

 

I don't happen to believe all former users re offend, providing thry stick to therapy long term. I get that most people think it is a hopeless situation though.

 

Without him...my life would be black and white and just so pale in comparison. He just makes me so happy.

 

At 30, he is the second man I felt a special connection with, only this time it is 100 times stronger. I dated a lot too. So yeah. I know when I am onto something special with this one.

[Leigh 87]

OP, if the point of this thread is whether dating can be challenging, the answer is yes, dating can be really challenging sometimes. Whether or not married people are truly relieved to not have to go through w it.

 

Meanwhile, serious relationships and being a parent on top of that have their own challenges (and their own joy!). My sister has two little boys, and even though I'm sure she has moments where she marvels about how her life isn't really hers anymore, I am positive she wouldn't change her married life and life as a mom for the world.

 

So on that note, I don't believe in envy. I am happy with my life as is, even though I recognize (and am working towards) improvement. I don't need anyone to "not envy" me, because I think overall my life is pretty sweet. Just as others are happy with THEIR life as is. It's all good.

 

I LOVED dating.

 

People have to just learn to not hold any expectations early on and love their lives single firsf and foremost.

[Larryville]

People still meet by looking across the room. I know 3 madly in love newlywed couples, and all met through a friend

 

xxoo of course there are exceptions to everything in life. However we live in a seriously different world in many ways.

 

I know 3 madly in love newlywed couples

 

I remember one too...

 

was my mom and dad at one time...

[xxoo]

xxoo of course there are exceptions to everything in life. However we live in a seriously different world in many ways.

 

 

 

I remember one too...

 

was my mom and dad at one time...

 

I was one, 20 odd years ago. I'm still madly in love, just not newlywed

 

But the 3 currently newlywed couples I know are not exceptions. Through friends is still a very normal way to meet a partner.

[carnelian]

I think Leigh87's views represent the majority of women these days, based on what I have read online. Maybe because so many women get along fine or so they say without a man or partner, whereas men suffer more alone, including me. Male friendships are usually shallow compared to female friendships. Men are more likely to commit suicide, sadly, or violence.

All this makes it harder us singles to find an enduring loveable marriage .

 

I have been single all my long life over 60 and it sucks. I have had women walk out on me in the middle of a date or a dance, stood up, insensitive remarks that

no one should tolerate and other rudeness. But many pleasant surprises also. I would "kill" for an attractive woman who loved me and vice versa.

 

I envy couples who stay married for decades, happily.

 

This I have discovered: regardless of the age,women (and men) expect the Other to be very honest and sensitive to them but they do not feel obliged to be the same.( Be honest with me, but I don't have to be honest with you.)

This common attitude will undermine every relationship IMO.

[Woggle]

In my first marriage things got so bad that I volunteered for every business trip at work just so I could get some peace for maybe a night or two. In that case I envied my single friends and swore I would never remarry or live with a woman again after my divorce. A few years later I met my current wife and it is the married from heaven. I have found what people today refer to as a unicorn and many of my single friends envy me.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I LOVED dating.

.

 

You're in the minority, I know a lot of women who cannot stand the actual dating process. I had a female friend who had a boyfriend. This long ago, that she didn't like dating either.

 

I was like, "So how did you get your boyfriend?"

 

Apparently, he was just a guy she knew for a long time that she decided to enter a relationship with, without dating. *shrug* whatever THAT meant.

 

It's the whole getting torqued off for "Not calling when he says he's going to call" or "I wonder if she liked me, the date went so well...I hope she wants to see me again!"

 

The game playing, the ambigiousness, etc. What's the fun in that.

 

I think dating has become more of a necessary evil. lol

 

Back in the days of B&W TV’s, rotary phones, cars without A/C and vinyl… you meet a woman from across the room and she was the only woman in the room. The guy worked his ass off to do what he could to be with her.

 

Right, I used to LAUGH at stories where some World War 2 soldier pointed to some RANDOM woman in a room and say aloud, "See that woman there? She will be my wife!"

 

It's like "He called it." Never really bought into the picking a random pretty stranger and calling marital bliss on her.

 

And he approaches, soon enough they court, wed, have 6 kids, 12 grand children and umpteen grand children...and now have been married 55 years! Usually it comes in the form of some Dear Abby story.

 

People still meet by looking across the room. I know 3 madly in love newlywed couples, and all met through a friend.

 

Good for them! But most of us here can claim that we don't have friend that know other available friends.

Edited August 31, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[MidwestUSA]

 

Right, I used to LAUGH at stories where some World War 2 soldier pointed to some RANDOM woman in a room and say aloud, "See that woman there? She will be my wife!"

 

It's like "He called it." Never really bought into the picking a random pretty stranger and calling marital bliss on her.

 

 

No? Well, there's my dad. Out of WWII, saw my mom. Those weren't his exact words. IIRC, it was 'she's the one'. Voila!

 

65 years. It happens/happened. Laugh. lol

[Woggle]

No? Well, there's my dad. Out of WWII, saw my mom. Those weren't his exact words. IIRC, it was 'she's the one'. Voila!

 

65 years. It happens/happened. Laugh. lol

 

It happened back then. but I doubt it happens often now.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I was one of those women who, when I was married, would thank my lucky stars I didn't have to go through the shenanigans my single and seeking friends had to go through. And that was even when I was miserable and married. Sometimes there is comfort in what you know even if it's not always the happiest or easiest.

 

Of course, fast forward several years and I ended my marriage because I began to realize that anything was better than living out everyday pretending to be something we weren't. At least I would be in control of my own life and my own happiness if I were on my own. And I am.

 

Having been divorced for 7+ years now, I can honestly say that, although it was exciting (and even frightening) in the beginning to get back into dating again, I really dislike it. If I didn't realize it before I certainly do now and that is I'm very much a relationship girl. That's not to say I'll settle down with just anyone just to avoid being alone, HELL to the NO! Being single isn't the part I dislike but rather the dog and pony show that gets played out over and over again with varied results.

 

It gets exhausting after a while.

 

Having said all of this, I do believe that it's often the married women who are less envious of their single friends than their husbands. The variety of sex and sexual partners alone would make most married men's dreams a very wet one.

[wmacbride]

Why would I be jealous of my single friends?

 

I am married to my best friend, and we have so much fun together. We've been able to travel, purchase a house and make a home together, support each other and just plain have a great time.

 

I'm not saying it's always been easy, but in my humble experience, the best things in life are the things I've worked the hardest to get.

 

I know we will be facing some serious situations int he not so distant future, but we will do that together, and there will still be lots of fun and happy times to come.