need some encouraging words

[lostinmymind]

I'm not really looking for advice on what to do. I think I really just need some encouraging words here, hopefully someone will offer them.

 

When my ex gf broke up with me it was "a break that would be good for us" and "it's pretty much certain we will get back together" and "just let me get some things out of my system" she even talked about us being together this summer and next year and even suggested specifically suggested fun things we could do together.

 

I know she was receiving outside pressure to 'keep her options open'. Her friends were all shocked because she had been acting like she was so in love with me right up to the day she requested the break.

 

We talked and still hung out for about 2 months after this point which confused both of us greatly.

 

Finally, she jumped on the first chance she got to be with another guy. He's moving away in August so she knows it is temporary.

 

We still occasionally talk, and not really about anything other than, 'how are you doing?'

 

After I tried NC for a few days she called me and left a voicemail saying hi and that she didn't want me out of her life. After that I didn't talk to her for over a week and then I made a mistake and called her. She made a point of telling one of her friends that "I called her!" and then she imed me the next day but I wasn't at my computer and she was telling her friend "he isn't responding to me!". What does all this mean?

 

The other day she brought up that she keeps hearing I'm still talking to my friends about the situation..which I am..she seems to think I should be over everything by now. I guess that is from her lack of understanding what it's like to be dumped and then led on to think it's temporary.

 

We talked a bit and I told her that I understand she has to do what she has to do, that if she is happy, I will learn to be happy. She told me I have to get over it (in a nice way) and just 'let go' of my feelings for her. I don't really know how she thinks that is possible, I guess I don't have a new sig. other to distract me like she does.

 

She told me not to act like this is "just something she needs to get out of her system" (compare with above statement). I think she has been getting a little over self-confident since this new guy showed up. He comes from a VERY wealthy family, and the arrogance seems to be getting to her... I know I should just accept it as it is for now and not try to analyze her or what she is doing, but I don't seem to get anywhere. She just tells me that things change, is she over me or is this new guy just allowing her to not confront the issue of what she is doing?

 

She seems to not realize what she is doing, she has told people she thinks I should be over this by now (she's never been dumped and this is her first relationship) and that 'it's hard not to say nice things when you are breaking up with someone', but she said soooooooo many things that gave me hope. She would even say things about it when unprovoked. I want her to know I can't just lower myself to being her friend, breakups don't work like that...she seems to think they do.

 

To make matters worse I am living right by her next year (college year, september) and will be seeing her every day undoubtedly. I'm really scared for this.

 

I almost feel like us 'hooking up' again will be unavoidable. I'm just not sure if I want that to happen. I don't know what I want. I don't know if i want to avoid her altogether, or bite my lip and attempt to be her friend. I'm angry at her for doing this and not giving me a straight answer. She seems to keep getting more and more haughty, and the girl I know is completely not like that. She seems to think she can 'date around' and never get hurt.

 

I'm confused and heartbroken, I want her back badly, but only if she has realized what she has done, I also really want to protect myself from additional hurt. I know she feels horrible, I saw her in person, and she got all emotional towards me. Other times she acts cold and short and to the point, it's like she doesn't want to have any kind of lengthy conversation with me.

 

Well, I could write so much more, but I've already written a novel. I don't really need advice, I know what I have to do, distance myself and do other things and have fun for myself. I mostly just needed to get all this down somewhere. If anyone can offer me some insight into her mind, that'd be great. If you wanna help me out or share some stories that would be great too. I guess I'm just looking for some support and encouragement. Thanks to anyone who replies. Happy 4th.

[dreamguy]

I must say that eventhough you think you wrote a novel. I read your entire post because it reminded me of myself 1 year ago.

My gf had broken up with me to date this rich dude and yet she was still stringing me along with nice words and sentences full of hope like "We have a lot of chemistry" or "I'm scared I made a mistake by leaving you".

I spent weeks and months analyzing her every word, searching for the slightest hope in her lines... It's crazy and it drains the energy out of you ! Don't do it.

Do you want to know what happened in the end ? I met someone else (almost 4 months after she broke up with me) and I have been dating this girl eversince. Now, I still have flashbacks of the nice memories I had with my ex and I even think of calling her at times... but I just don't. A girl like her doesn't deserve my time and she certainly doesn't deserve my Love.

 

I always make a difference between people who leave you because they need some time alone to know what they want out of the relationship VS people who leave you and immediately rush into the arms of another rich person as soon as you're out of sight !

The latter is what I call a hypocrite and a gold digger. So my friend, even if you will be seeing your ex every day... avoid her as much as possible ! You said she sometimes acts nice and then at other times she seems so distant. She is simply not genuine in her feelings for you. A woman who cares about you and loves you will be steady in her actions towards you. She won't be cold one day and mushy the next day.

Be strong and understand that you must give yourself the closure she didn't give you otherwise you will always be miserable. Then time will help you move on with your life and hopefully you will meet someone new and your ex will become a nice memory without any feelings attached to it.

It all happened to me, exactly as I'm writing it.