leahcim2211 Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 Hey guys I have been dating my current girlfriend for 18 months now and we are (well were) very close. We are both uni students but spend alot of out spare time together either studying or just enjoying each others company and we would also text and call alot too. About 2 weeks ago she got moved into a new position at her part time job that helps pay for uni and she is now spending most of her spare time there and some of her uni time too. She is enjoying it alot and I know she is just putting in alot of effort but it feels like she has no time for me anymore. Its now been around 7 days since I have seen her and at least 10 days since we spent any quality time together. Not just this but she doesn't text or call me much at all and when we do it does't seem like she putting in much effort just going through the motions. What makes it all worse is that I have always been there for her through hardships and she has always said she hopes there is a day that she can return the favor for me. Well 2 weeks ago I got some pretty rough news regarding a small illness ill have to deal with for the foreseeable future and was the one time I really wanted support and I got none as she was too busy with work and too tired or needing to study in her free time. At its core I don't feel loved any more. We have arranged a day to spend together this week but I don't think that all I should get is 1 day every few weeks and some mediocre texts and maybe the odd call which I always initiate when we both live very close and used to see each other every other day. I want to bring it up with her that I feel that we are loosing the spark that we and everyone else said we have and that I don't feel loved any more but how do I go about it. I want to be very focused about the fact that I don't want our relationship to fizzle away but I also have been quite hurt from all of this and I don't just want that to slip under the rug. How do I bring both up without it seeming like a personal attack on her or her new job (which I don't think is right for her at this point in her life at all but thats almost another story in itself!)?
RoseHeart Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 If she hasn't been putting in effort and things have changed, I'm almost 95% sure she must realize it and be aware that she is neglecting you. No one forgets that they are not spending time with their partner after many months of spending a lot of time together. She must know this and get that. The thing is, she likely thinks it's OK to be doing this and isn't going to change her behavior or adjust it, till you say something. She might be under the impression you're fine and understand (even if it seems hard to believe for you). She's likely so absorbed into her new world that she doesn't care about anything else, which is wrong. You deserve happiness in a relationship and if you give it your all, it needs to be shared and done back otherwise your relationship is doomed and you might as well not do it. Tell her you need to talk to her and have a heart to heart about the situation and speak up. Be honest. Be real. It's things like that which has a impact on the relationship and rightly so. She needs to know your feelings. 1
QueenDafine Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 It sounds like she's in her own world at the moment, and that she really is just focusing on herself right now. As we all know, communication is key in a relationship, and you need to speak up and tell her about your concerns if you want anything to change. She mioght not even be realizing how much this is affecting you, she might think that since you were so supportive in the past, you have no problem supporting her choices she makes for her job. Let her know how this is making you feel and that you'd like to spend more time together, and, if she changes things for the better of your relationship then you know this is only a phase. Looking at her perspective also, it's only been two weeks since she got this job opportunity and she's more than likely stressed and focused on maintaining her position and
Popsicle Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 You say "I'm not happy". Then you use a lot of "I" statements to explain how you've been feeling and what you're missing. Then you leave it at that. She probably won't respond how you want during that conversation so be prepared for that (people usually act offended, defensive, evasive or turn it around on you when presented with news like this. Don't respond to anything negative in that convo but instead you need to give her time to go away and think about it on her own and decide what she's going to do. You should go on like normal but give her time. Call or text her if she hasn't done so and ask to do something normal that you always do. If she's warm and responsive then she wants to do better. If she's chilly and attitude-y, then she doesn't want to do better and never will and you should start thinking about ending things with her. 1
Larryville Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 I want to be very focused about the fact that I don't want our relationship to fizzle away but I also have been quite hurt from all of this and I don't just want that to slip under the rug. How do I bring both up without it seeming like a personal attack on her or her new job (which I don't think is right for her at this point in her life at all but thats almost another story in itself!)? Pop makes a great point… Damn after reading her post the (I’s) stand out like a sore thumb. Frankly this “I don’t feel LOVED” notion is sketchy to me. Do you even know or understand what love is? What exactly did she do in the beginning that showed you that she LOVED you? You sound seriously selfish insecure and I guarantee you if she were posting here about you I bet she would tab you as “needy” Why do I say this? You start out… we are (well were) very close Later you say.. it feels like she has no time for me anymore. Its now been around 7 days since I have seen her and at least 10 days since we spent any quality time together. When I see this kind of contradictory language in any post sends up red flags. Shows me you clearly misinterpreted the QUALITY of your relationship, unless I’m missing something or there is more tot the story. It sounds like she's in her own world at the moment, and that she really is just focusing on herself right now. Yes In good solid relationships partners support each other and their endeavors. Insecurity is never cool.
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