thebiglimp Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 here are some of the drama that i'm facing with this girl which makes it the most complicated dating situation i've been in. i'd like your help in sorting them out. met a girl for a date, goes extremely well, kiss at the end. leading up to the second date she tries to cancel- says she likes too much, doesn't wanna hurt me, she's in a bad place in her life, has cheated in the past i just say lets see where the chips fall she invites me to her place before the day we were suppose to have a second date- says she's sick and needs comforting. says she might break down and cry on me. i go there, she seems normal, and we start making out, and before sex she says she'll lose me sooner if we do have sex. but we do it anyways. the next day we go on the date and both have a fantastic time. she writes me back that night it was one of the best nights ever, still can hear my voice in her head which is comforting, ect. i tell her the next day i miss her alreay, and this is where she seems to do a complete 180. she says in so many words that she doesn't, that i was suppose to take care of her instead of sleeping with her, there's no emotional connection because of this. now we already setup a 3rd date which she's very enthusiastic about. and the sex was good, i know that. i mean the quality of it isn't what's making her say these things. and she's not unstable either. in fact much more steady and calm than a lot of people, mentally. i'm just going with the flow at the moment, but obviously i've started to like her. what are some realizations i should be having about her?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 She told you pretty plainly that she's in a bad place in her life. That's code for: I'm not ready for a relationship. Outwardly she might be perfectly calm, but inwardly she's obviously not. You haven't even made it to the third date and you're already dealing with her pulling back twice. That's not a good sign of things to come. Don't expect anything more than a casual arrangement with her. 4
JewelD Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 She sounds unstable as hell. She agreed to date you but then tried to stop because she liked you. Why would she choose to date if she didn't want to like someone? She tells you she's in a bad place and has a history of cheating. Wants to break down and cry on a man she barely knows. Has sex with same man and then complains about it happening afterwards. Tells you there is no emotional connection and yet you are scheduled for another date. You should realize that if she's this dramatic now, it will only get worse. She's telling you herself that she's trouble and you're choosing to go along with it anyway. When people tell you who they are, believe them. 7
BaileyB Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 She does sound unstable. Highly doubtful that any kind of healthy relationship will come from this. Sorry. 1
Redhead14 Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 here are some of the drama that i'm facing with this girl which makes it the most complicated dating situation i've been in. i'd like your help in sorting them out. met a girl for a date, goes extremely well, kiss at the end. leading up to the second date she tries to cancel- says she likes too much, doesn't wanna hurt me, she's in a bad place in her life, has cheated in the past i just say lets see where the chips fall she invites me to her place before the day we were suppose to have a second date- says she's sick and needs comforting. says she might break down and cry on me. i go there, she seems normal, and we start making out, and before sex she says she'll lose me sooner if we do have sex. but we do it anyways. the next day we go on the date and both have a fantastic time. she writes me back that night it was one of the best nights ever, still can hear my voice in her head which is comforting, ect. i tell her the next day i miss her alreay, and this is where she seems to do a complete 180. she says in so many words that she doesn't, that i was suppose to take care of her instead of sleeping with her, there's no emotional connection because of this. now we already setup a 3rd date which she's very enthusiastic about. and the sex was good, i know that. i mean the quality of it isn't what's making her say these things. and she's not unstable either. in fact much more steady and calm than a lot of people, mentally. i'm just going with the flow at the moment, but obviously i've started to like her. what are some realizations i should be having about her? what are some realizations i should be having about her and she's not unstable Uh, yeah, she is . . . she wants a rescuer . . . a guy who will be a doormat. the sex was good, i know that. -- So does she . . . i was suppose to take care of her instead of sleeping with her -- Damned if you do, damned if you don't . . . that's probably the most manipulative thing I've heard on these boards. She's got you hooked and in a painful place . . . run, Forest, run . . . 2
Author thebiglimp Posted August 30, 2016 Author Posted August 30, 2016 Rescuer...doormat. How would this play out? Like, i make her feel better and then she leaves me for someone else?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 Rescuer...doormat. How would this play out? Like, i make her feel better and then she leaves me for someone else? Very likely, yes. With lots of manipulation, a side of guilt-tripping and a tall glass of Cray-Cray to go with it. 4
Redhead14 Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 Very likely, yes. With lots of manipulation, a side of guilt-tripping and a tall glass of Cray-Cray to go with it. Birds of a feather, perhaps? Perfect . . . co-dependency on the horizon 1
Versacehottie Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 She sounds unstable as hell. Um, ditto. She is flip-flop city. and high on the crazy scale. I think she gets off on dragging people through her turmoil. and the attention. If she is not in a good place and had the guts to tell you that, she should stick to it. Bonus points for guilt tripping YOU about it. Damn
basil67 Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 She warned you that she was a mess and not good for a relationship. You replied about seeing where the chips fall. Well, the chips have fallen. Next time someone tells you who they are, believe them.
LostOnes05 Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 She sounds stable to you? I'd venture to say she is the epitome of unstable and attention-seeking. She's gonna dump you hard and fast. Might as well prepare yourself because she's already primed for it (i.e. distancing herself, basically telling you she will cheat).
LostOnes05 Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 Rescuer...doormat. How would this play out? Like, i make her feel better and then she leaves me for someone else? Yes and no...Yes, she will undoubtedly leave you. And no, nothing you do will make her feel better. Does she have a BPD or HPD by any chance? Because the manipulation with taking care of her but then her being upset about sex is far out there.
Author thebiglimp Posted August 30, 2016 Author Posted August 30, 2016 Ok what u guys say make a lot of sense and clears it up for me mostly. Thx. But after 2 dates, the very next day i tell her that i already miss her. Was that too strong of an attachment on my part?
todreaminblue Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 she pushes you away then pulls you in...push pull push pull pull push....sounds tiring......she did tell you she wasnt in a good place from the very beginning.....you really should not argue with that or see where chips fall.....having sex should have been out for sure...a mistake on both your efforts.....she isnt ready and is proving she isnt ready...believe her......deb
Author thebiglimp Posted August 30, 2016 Author Posted August 30, 2016 No shes extremely affectionate and attentive in person, and on the phone too. Which's why i momentarily fell for her so suddenly on our last date, and surprised that my 'i like u, miss u' wasnt met with a 'me too.' Now im stressed, but the past dates have been verrry effortless and smooth.
Larryville Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 She told you pretty plainly that she's in a bad place in her life. That's code for: I'm not ready for a relationship. Outwardly she might be perfectly calm, but inwardly she's obviously not. Amazes me that words can come out of someone’s mouth telling you exactly what someone should here and they STILL refuse to hear and absorb the words. She sounds unstable as hell. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
randall Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 says she likes too much...has cheated in the past leading up to the second date she tries to cancel....says she's sick and needs comforting. says she might break down and cry on me i was suppose to take care of her instead of sleeping with her and she's not unstable either. in fact much more steady and calm than a lot of people, mentally. Read the first 3 quotes then the last quote. I don't know, maybe we're not getting the full picture, but she seems far from mentally and emotionally stable. After just one date she's cancelling and telling you she needs comforting because she might break down and cry. Then when she sleeps with you (yes you also slept with her, but let's face it it's really the girl who chooses if a guy gets to sleep with her or not), she turns around and uses it against you. Now im stressed This is a really bad sign. If you are stressed and it's only been a few dates it's a huge warning sign.
gorf Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 urprised that my 'i like u, miss u' wasnt met with a 'me too.' What did you say.. 2 dates?? Telling someone you miss them after a second date, if they are unstable, insecure, confused, not over pain of past relationship, etc... this I miss you could sound the same as I love you. That could cause someone to basically say "woahhhh back off and slow down." Depends what they have been through, but I would also say it in general. Miss her? Miss what? You don't even know her.
Recommended Posts