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I saw my EX today, it wasn't planned on my part, maybe setup

grokcahsevol

By grokcahsevol
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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grokcahsevol Established Member

grokcahsevol

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I'll make a long story short.

 

My ex and I were together for 10 years, HS sweethearts. However before that, she was with a girl at a very young age before we met., will call her Jane. Fast forward: about 5 years into our relationship we decided to take a mutual summer break, she had sex with another guy, will call him will.

 

So after the summer, we got back together. 4 years later she did the typical "I need a break/space/be on my own" move. I had no problem, she ended up getting back together with that girl Jane from Almost 11 years ago. I went NC and 5 months in she reaches out and does the whole "I miss you and made a mistake" game. Fine. I'll give a second chance. We got over it and we were fine until this past week. I went away for 3 weeks and while away she told me when I get back she needs to tell me something. I knew exactly what it was going to be and I was correct. What hit out of the blue though was I saw on social media that her and will are pretty much in a relationship now.

 

 

It really sucks but I'm going NC again. I removed her from all social media and removed her phone number.

 

Here's the best part, we exchanged some texts and this is what she says

 

Blah blah blah, idk what the future holds and Inwant to get to know you again in the future and other things. THEN she said I still want to have your children one day.

 

 

This is what I diagnosed her with and told her.

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. You have Low self esteem, selfish, narcissistic and loyalty doesn't mean ****.

 

Anyways just needed a venting moment and maybe some more support.

 

Either way, I met some new cool people while I was away and planning on meeting up.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Oh, but it's all about what she wants, and that should be the most important thing to you and everyone else in her life because she is a narcissist.

 

Sorry it's been such a merry-go-round. Try to analyze to see if your woman picker needs adjusting before finding another one. Probably a conversation with any old friend asking them about that would give you a clue if it's a blind spot you have or not. Good luck.

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juniorrocha Established Member

juniorrocha

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I'm sorry you're going through this, but I suppose I don't have to state how selfish and immature that girl is.

 

She will come back around at some point. Make sure you block her everywhere and whenever she tries to start anything again, ignore her. Don't give in. Or she will do the same thing again.

 

Start NC now and don't ever look back again.

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grokcahsevol Established Member

grokcahsevol

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Thanks guys.

 

What makes this one much harder now is the fact that this guy Will is from the same town as me and we also went to HS together. I know I will be seeing them around here eventually.

 

That is what will hit me hard.

 

I do plan on trying to move away into the city area to start something fresh and hopefully grow my business out there.

DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

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Yeah the template was set along time ago, the first time you allowed her back. Sadly I believe you will allow her back again. She simply isn't a wife candidate for you, let alone someone you want to have children with...Cut her off and move on.

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grokcahsevol Established Member

grokcahsevol

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So it's confirmed that they are in a relationship already as my friend told me, and I told him I don't care.

 

I also found out that she posted on another social media site saying "She went out with a really cute boy, and that he looks cute when he plays video games, and how he told her he can never stop looking at her"

 

oh, the beginnings of new relationships

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
I'll make a long story short.

 

My ex and I were together for 10 years, HS sweethearts. However before that, she was with a girl at a very young age before we met., will call her Jane. Fast forward: about 5 years into our relationship we decided to take a mutual summer break, she had sex with another guy, will call him will.

 

 

 

 

So let me guess:

 

 

Long ago she told you she was bisexual... ???

sooshi Established Member

sooshi

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Posted (edited)
So it's confirmed that they are in a relationship already as my friend told me, and I told him I don't care.

 

I also found out that she posted on another social media site saying "She went out with a really cute boy, and that he looks cute when he plays video games, and how he told her he can never stop looking at her"

 

So she's a video game to him? What a catch he is!

 

She wants to get to know you again in the future? She must be psychic.

And she wants to have your children someday? Hmm... I wonder if Will knows that?

 

Seriously, though: You dodged a bullet with this girl. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through, and for your loss. Now is the time to focus on healing, and creating an awesome business along the way! She can think about how cute Will is when he plays video games, while he tells her how he can never stop looking at her while he plays those games.

 

Keep in touch with the cool people you met while you were away. Keep posting here for support when you need it. Focus on developing your business, and on healing from this toxic relationship.

Edited by sooshi
Stercrazy Established Member

Stercrazy

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Nahhhhhhhh!! Cut bait and move on. She wants to play you.

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grokcahsevol Established Member

grokcahsevol

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So she's a video game to him? What a catch he is!

 

She wants to get to know you again in the future? She must be psychic.

And she wants to have your children someday? Hmm... I wonder if Will knows that?

 

 

 

Seriously, though: You dodged a bullet with this girl. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through, and for your loss. Now is the time to focus on healing, and creating an awesome business along the way! She can think about how cute Will is when he plays video games, while he tells her how he can never stop looking at her while he plays those games.

 

Keep in touch with the cool people you met while you were away. Keep posting here for support when you need it. Focus on developing your business, and on healing from this toxic relationship.

 

Of course Will doesn't know that, I'm sure she said all those things just to keep me thinking and giving me hopes that she will be back.

 

Not sure if I mentioned this, but the girl Jane reached out to me as she is devastated and no one understands what she's going through, as I do understand how she feels.

 

It's interesting to share stories between each other, as during the last 2 weeks, she was hanging out with her and telling her how she loves her and that shes the only girl she can ever be with. MEANWHILE, before I left for my holiday, she was telling me how she loves me and wants to work on things and that I am the only GUY she could ever be with as guys creep her out and she finds them disgusting.

 

Also, it's so frustrating that while I was away she was still telling me how she misses me and loves me and can't wait to see me... then BAM next day both Jane and I see her on snapchat with the guy Will.

 

AND Jane also told me she was using a dating app to meet new women. Just to "make friends"

 

Lastly, Jane told me she wanted closure from our ex so she came over her place, wearing a new necklace Will gave her and she told Jane "My emotions just came out for him, and that she never got along with anyone on such an intellectual level.

 

 

Part of me believes (or maybe wants to believe) this is some lust romance and she's young and just enjoying her self, and I don't blame her. She should. It's just I wish she really gave her self time to be on her own and to grow by her self as she's never been on her own and that's one thing she told me during holiday "I enjoy being by myself, free and alone" then 3 days later.. Will.

 

We were together for 10 years, she jumps into relationship with Jane, breaks up with her, comes back to me, then back and forth with Jane and myself, then Will.

 

 

Just venting,

 

Thanks!

doyathinkso Established Member

doyathinkso

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Consider yourself fortunate to be rid of her.

 

Please, do not ever ever ever go back to her nor allow her to inveigle herself back into your life!

 

Find a real woman. They ARE out there.

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grokcahsevol Established Member

grokcahsevol

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Here is my last post

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/592570-i-should-have-listened-happened

 

So, I'm close with my exes cousins family. So I told my exes cousin who is a female we should go out on the boat as I promised her and she's been wanting to go on it for a while now.

 

I had no idea my ex was with her.

 

So I'm on the water, waiting for her to come to the shoreline and from a distant I knew automatically that it was my ex walking to the shoreline and she walks over to me and looks at me with excitement and we make small talk as we haven't seen each other in a month.

 

I also told her last week it would be best if we don't see each other or talk/text each other and she said she agreed. Yet, this happens!

 

It was nice seeing her but I really wish I didn't. She hugged me, kissed me on cheek, stepped back a few steps, then came back up to me, fixed my hair and folded my ear.

 

She knows how much I love when she folds my ear so I'm not sure why she did that.

 

She is currently in a relationship with another guy, so I'm sure he doesn't know that happened.

 

I did ask her how her dating life is going and she said "it's going I guess"

 

She asked me the same and I said "I'm not dating" and she said "That's smart, I wish I was that smart"

 

I then jokingly said how about a nice lip kiss and she said " I really don't think it's a good idea" then she came in to give me another kiss on the cheek. Although she didn't say "No" I didn't push it on her.

 

Then her cousin came and I said, "Heres my date" she laughed and we just went our separate ways.

 

 

I don't even know how I feel about this all, I just feel so indifferent about it and not sure if it's normal or not.

 

Again, I had absolutely zero plans on seeing or talking to her.

 

Her cousin claimed that she asked to hang out today and they were going to the same beach, and cousin told my ex that she was going on a boat ride with me.

 

That, or it could have been a small set-up for my ex to see me.

 

Just wanted to vent that out.

sooshi Established Member

sooshi

Posted
Posted

 

So, I'm close with my exes cousins family. So I told my exes cousin who is a female we should go out on the boat as I promised her and she's been wanting to go on it for a while now.

 

I had no idea my ex was with her.

 

I believe that you didn't know that your ex was with her, but I bet there was some part of you that hoped she would be. If you really, truly didn't want to see her, you wouldn't have engaged with her, except for perhaps a cordial hello. But you didn't. And you let her hug you and kiss you and touch you in a way she knows you like.

 

It sounds like shes stringing you along, keeping you as an option in case her dating life continues to be unsatisfactory, as she hinted.

 

You don't feel indifferent about this. If you did, you wouldn't feel inclined to post about it. You also said that you wish it didn't happen, which suggests the encounter hurt you.

 

Why are you still in contact with her cousin/family anyway? If you want to heal, you need to go no contact--not just with your ex, but with her family as well.

  • Like 1
Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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Breadcrumbs. Just seeing if she still has you in tow. You played the part perfectly for her ego.

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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You need to read up on codependency and the free PDF download "No More Mr Nice Guy".

 

Quit letting her play you. It just lowers your status.

aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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You need to find some pride my man. When you break up with someone, you cut contact with all their family, friends, etc.. unless you love drama and want to keep ripping the scab of hurt off.

 

She's playing you like a violin. She knows she still has you wrapped around her finger and as mentioned, you look weak and unattractive.

 

I can't think of any examples of where someone has chased an ex, looked needy and desperate and had them come back to them. It just doesn't happen.

 

The only time a dumper or ex gets reinterested in an ex is when the ex VANISHES from their life and goes NC. They disappear from the exes life. They avoid any possible chance of "running into them". They heal and move on. Even more points when they move on and find someone new, better looking and are happy. THAT'S what "can" cause them to question their decision to dump them.

 

My last ex dumped me. I vanished like a fart in the wind. I healed and dated a few months later. I met a wonderful gal who've I'm engaged to now after 3 years. Guess what? My ex came back to me after 6 months begging for me to give her another chance. She knew I was dating someone else (who was better looking). The fact that I vanished after getting dumped, moved on to someone else while not contacting her at all, made me a challenge and more attractive to her I'm sure.

 

She was told to pack sand and wished good luck. She's someone else nightmare to deal with now. :)

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grokcahsevol Established Member

grokcahsevol

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I believe that you didn't know that your ex was with her, but I bet there was some part of you that hoped she would be. If you really, truly didn't want to see her, you wouldn't have engaged with her, except for perhaps a cordial hello. But you didn't. And you let her hug you and kiss you and touch you in a way she knows you like.

 

It sounds like shes stringing you along, keeping you as an option in case her dating life continues to be unsatisfactory, as she hinted.

 

You don't feel indifferent about this. If you did, you wouldn't feel inclined to post about it. You also said that you wish it didn't happen, which suggests the encounter hurt you.

 

Why are you still in contact with her cousin/family anyway? If you want to heal, you need to go no contact--not just with your ex, but with her family as well.

 

 

In complete and 100 percent honesty, the thought process of her even being there didn't even cross my mind as they barley even see each other. This is the second time they have hung out all summer, the first time it was all of us as well.

 

The set-up was kinda not the greatest either, I anchored my boat close to shore and the whole 9 yards, so when I saw her, it's not as I could have just started up and left. So she just walked into the water and came about. I suppose I could have said go away as we did agreed that it's best not to talk or sea each other.

 

I don't think the encounter hurt me, I mean, I suppose it got me thinking about her again for a little bit, but emotionally I do feel very good.

 

Her family pretty much became my family, from her mom to her grandparents, as all of my family lives out of the country, so I always found it very comforting to have her family and her cousins family around. That is what I do miss if anything.

 

 

Honestly, my ex could be on the bang bus down to Florida, I wouldn't care, but her family helped me out a lot from school to my business and to my personal life.

 

 

I do appreciate the reply! thank you

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

Well, you're still hanging around being part of her family. What's she supposed to think? Nobody does that! If you don't want her, clear out.

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